Top 5 Most Annoying Starting Gate Habits
1. The Thumbs Up
How can something so good-natured be so fucking annoying? Listen, that’s great that you want to wish me good luck on this journey we are about to embark upon, but we've been sitting here for 15 minutes and you pull this shit 10 seconds before the gate drops? Now if I don’t reciprocate, God will hate me. So fuck off, and I hope your bike blows up in this moto just so I know I don’t have to deal with this bullshit again.
2. The Psyche Up
We all like to get revved up pre-moto. It’s important to get the juices flowing. But the epileptic seizure that you are having next to me is not helping anyone. I am sitting here, game face on, ready go ham on this track, and I’ve got some asshole who looks like he's trying to do every move of the macarena at once completely jamming up my zen.
3. Burn outs
Listen boss, it’s cool that your dad still buys your tires, but how many times have you pulled a holeshot off cement in your last ten tries? Let me guess: it’s less than 2. The Bay Area smokeshow that you're lighting up might turn your tire into a molten traction machine right now, but in the 5 minutes we still have until the gate drops, everything is going to cool down and you’ll be back in the spin cycle once the race begins and off to your regular 14th place start.
4. The Entourage
Let’s make sure everyone is here: we got gate prep guy, goggle guy, umbrella girl, motivational guy, fist bump guy, and “just there because everyone else is” guy. Congratulations on being popular with people who had nothing better to do today, but your people are spilling over into my territory while I'm trying to fucking focus. Do you really need fist bump guy's energy right now or can we maybe consolidate this operation a little?
5. The Gate Creeper
It’s all physics really: a body in motion will move easier than a body not in motion. So if you want to start 30 feet behind the gate and creep your way up like Fred Flintstone, the logic is Bedrock solid. But seeing your tire creeping into my periph is a bit distracting, and guess fucking what? Your Epstein level creep technique is still not gonna get the holeshot.
Bonus: The Good Samaritan
“Hey dude, looks like you got a flat.” Are you kidding me, asshole? Do I look like I want to hear that right now? I was so much happier five seconds ago. Thanks, dick.