The dreams of motocross superstardom are known to all of us who've thrown a leg over a bike. Be it the glamorous stadium lights of Anaheim 1, the tens of thousands of adoring fans, the potential millions of dollars, or the fawning gaze of gorgeous women, we all want to be a pro. But for 99.9% of the racing population, the dream will remain just that. It's a fairy tale life that far too many parents believe their privileged offspring is destined for. But here are the top 5 doses of reality that your kid is just another schmuck with a dirt bike:

1. You have more bikes than trophies

Nothing brightens up the race trailer like a 6ft piece of plastic with a spray-painted idol of your grandfather ripping the CZ on the top. But as they say, you’ve gotta spend money to make money. It’s bike city, bitch. The way your 15% off shop sponsor sees it, you need a race bike, a practice bike, a testing bike, and a display bike. You know, for the ambiance.

2. Training facilities wait for the check to clear

That's the magic elixir at XYZ Training Facility. Your kid gets down there and shows some serious potential. This kid is going places…as soon as that $25k gets into the bank account. Make sure to write in the memo line “To basically be deposited in a garbage can”.

3. You have the biggest rig at every race you go to

The best way to get factory is to act factory, no? Stands perfectly to logic, envisioning and living your goal and all that deep bullshit. So your rig spans 100ft and legitimately blocks out the sun for half the dudes at the District Who-Gives-A-Fuck races you go to. Unfortunately if you never make it to a race with the factory big rigs, it’s generally a tell-tale sign that the energy drink checks won’t be taking care of the mortgage payments that you can’t afford anymore.

4. He’s 6'2" riding a Supermini

Everyone knows that winning a LL championship is the fast track to moto success. Stands to reason, since everyone who’s ever won a Loretta’s championship ever has enjoyed a phenomenal career in MX. But junior can’t ride a 250f for shit and he was killing it on the Supermini last year, so just leave him in the kid class. Who cares if he has a driver’s license now, just means he’s more mature than the competition. Cash money.

5. Your kid's kid is going faster than him

Children suck, literally. They are just the vacuum that sucks away all the enjoyment and potential you had in your life. That’s why you threw all of your shit into your kid’s moto career, because if he wins, you win. Well, the second his baby mama decided against the ol' coat hanger behind 7-11 treatment, he was fucked. Time to do it all over again with the grand kid. Better get him some arm pump surgery, those PWs can really get you.