“I don’t want to make any excuses, but…”

1. “My bike sucks”

Without question, the most abundantly used excuse. Riders have been known to toss this around for any number of reasons -- clutch lever wasn’t in far enough, chain felt too loose, brakes were feeling icky. No matter what, it's always the bike's fault. It should thank you for not launching it into oncoming traffic after that performance. I mean, there is no way you would have tipped over five times if you had that guy's bike.

2. “It’s so one lined”

Seriously, how could anyone make a pass out there? It's **literally** impossible. A track with barbed wire surrounding the main line would allow more passing opps. It’s not your fault that you couldn't pass Joey Dipshit D Class the whole race, easier to blame it on the watering job by the Jamaican track worker with bad eye sight. You would have had the win otherwise.

3. “I haven’t ridden in forever”

We get it, big dog. You are not going pro, nor were you ever. You have better things to do. The dreams of hitting the Nationals took a back seat to daily 12-packs with the boys a long time ago. You had a kid, maybe you got a promotion. Regardless, you don’t have time to ride anymore. Just make sure you let everyone know, because you totally would be qualifying at A1 if you could have practiced last week.

4. “My gate sucked”

Even though you started from the inside with a straight shot to the sweet spot in the first turn, it would have been better if you started four gates to the left. It might look like it makes no fucking difference at all, but people just don’t get it. You wanted that gate, and it should not count against you that you’re a total space case and arrived late to your moto on the line because you were crushing five cans of Monster.

5. “I have a broken ____”

Listen, no one is going to blame you for getting last while racing with a broken pelvis. Even though you actually only sprained your ankle four weeks ago, no one needs to know that. The pelvis story is totally working. You cracked your skull too? Wow, you are just a tough son of an onion, aren't ya. Chicks dig it, and bros respect it. Sounds like a win to me.