Top 5 C-Class Bike Prep Power Moves

All too often it is overlooked that the nervous novice class is the most electrifying source of entertainment at your typical local race. Men and boys who have no business even approaching any sort of machinery giving it the gusto for a piece of scrap metal and a Subway giftcard, braving the elements and the forces of gravity in the everlasting pursuit to catch air and to be a badass motherfucker. Here are some ways to ensure that when you show up at the track, the fences will be lined with fans waiting to watch you get rich or die trying:

1. Duct tape numbers

The old saying goes something like “Duct tape does wonders” and those wonders sure as shit don’t stop at repairing x-box controllers or making kitschy wallets. If you have pre-prints, rip them off right fucking now. Numbers are lame (other than 69 and 420). It's a real to-do having to put duct tape numbers over the Rockstar stickers and my drunk buddy's dick drawings.

2. Bend your levers

I am not talking about a slight bend right now, I am looking for more curve than Kim Kardashian. Your lever should basically look like the claw of a velociraptor, a tremendously appropriate indicator of how you are about to devour the competition, the track, and the case of PBRs back at the trailer. Also acceptable: No levers. Brakes are for sheep.

3. Run off-color grips

Are your grips black, gray, or anything close? Nope, that will never work. Your grips say a lot about your intentions on the motorcycle; if you are going to be throwing fist pumps because of how awesome you are, you want bright, obscurely colored grips to reflect that. Basically, if they make your color of grips in any pattern other than full waffle, they are not flashy enough for you.

4. Mismatch plastics

It is pretty commonplace at the track to run multiple colors of plastic on a bike, but you need to take it a step further. No flow at all is your mission. Black front fender is pretty mandatory, but you have free reign on the rest of the motorcycle. Running plastics made for an entirely different OEM is also a phenomenal choice on the part of any BRO going for serious glory. And camo tires. If camo tires are wrong, I don’t want to be right.

5. Pour sand in your throttle tube

Simply so it sticks wide fucking open. Who's that on top of the podium? Oh just you, making out with the trophy girl.