1. Put your sponsors as your employer - I shit you not, the other day I saw a kid put his sponsors down as his job on Facebook, listing his position as “Sponsored Rider”. Word BRO? That 15% discount you get constitutes listing it as an occupation? I’ll bet you actually send them photo and video updates through your HookIt profile, too. Definitely a key part of their marketing strategy is receiving GoPro videos from the kid who fell down in the first turn due to lack of momentum and takes outside lines because ruts are scary. I know it’s not all about sponsors, it’s about letting girls know that you have a legitimate contract and everything. They’ll definitely fuck you now.
2. Post “Moto is so hard” statuses - Listen up, BRO, Facebook statuses are for rap lyrics that totally speak to your youthful angst, and letting the world know how wasted you are going to be in 10 minutes. Trust me when I say that no one really cares that you think motocross is the hardest sport in the world; Your friends break up into two groups in this argument: Moto and non-moto. The Moto BROs already know what’s what about MX, because they do it. The non-moto BROs just do not care, just like you don’t care that they would totally go gay for Tebow. You are just making moto BROs look wicked fucking emo.
2.5. Argue with football BROs who comment on your “Moto is so hard” status- Here’s the thing: I totally used to do this, when I was 10 years old. Once I hit my tween years, I had matured enough to realize that I did not give a fuck what football and lax BROs think; their gauge of athletics is how much you can bench and how naked they can get each other when they wrestle in the locker room. They also can barely ride a tricycle without tipping over and roid raging a four year old into a wood chipper, so it is completely futile to reason with them about moto. Just say “Totally, BRO, I also like Polo Ralph Lauren” and they will accept you as one of their own.
3. Take pics of yourself in moto gear in your bathroom – The key to photography is candid realism. Creating a good photo means convincing me that this is real life. Your photo, however, has me thinking that you are taking a shit while your moto is on the line and you took a second to grab a pic of it before you stink that bathroom into the Dark Ages. Solid photo journalism, BRO.
4. Ask for Likes for a contest - No one gives a fuck that you will make it to MTF if they like your photo. Pissing off the whole goddamn internet is totally the new age of social marketing.
5. Friend request every pro you’ve ever heard of - BRO, if they approve your friend request, that basically means that they want to hang out with you. I mean, it was friend request, right? And they approved it, you got the notification and everything. That means you are in, BRO. Now is the time to send them videos and “like” all of their shit and even just shoot them a quick “Hey” on messenger. Should they respond, you are in there like swimwear. That’s basically an invite to the pool party that they aren’t throwing. Hey, BRO, like Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” And you are this close to taking shots all over your face.