It’s a two meme day. That’s a good thing. It may be a couple days late, but it is Valentine’s week, so this goes out to all the lovers out there…
1. Attraction, Gone – Any real BRO knows that even the dime of all dime pieces can throw on a set of gear and instantly transform into a BRO with long hair and a short build. Like, there are definitely a lot of weird dudes that see a girl in kevlar pants and a long sleeve jersey and get turned on, but I imagine those BROs are the same people who jerk off to Asian fart porn and shit like that. That’s just the way it is. Throw in all the purple and glitter you want, girls, but until Victoria’s Secret comes out with a line of moto gear for girls who desire sex appeal in lieu of protection, your boob-compensating chest protector is about as sexy as it gets. Then you are off to bed and its all you can picture. So you are not getting laid tonight.
2. She might eat shit – When one of your BROs bites it, you can pretty easily feign compassion because BROs do not expect much; pretty much just load his bike and throw him the horns as the ambulance pulls away and you have done your duty. But this is your girl, the person you pretend to care about more than anyone. There is going to be crying, that’s just a fact. And you are not getting laid tonight. Another fact.
3. Have to tell her how good she is – If your woman is good, then fine. No need to lie then. Women can smell that from a mile away. Unfortunately, unless your girl races pro, she probably is not good. That means that when she gets off the track, you have to somehow muster up some enthusiasm when she starts talking about how she half cleared the table top outback and may have even thrown a 5 degree bar tweak in there. But unless you are the next Clooney, she is going to smell your bullshit immediately. And you are not getting laid tonight.
4. Why even bother doing whips or going fast? - I have said it a million times, but I feel it bears repeating now: virtually every accomplishment in a man’s life can be attributed to the pursuit of getting pussy. Girls want the alpha male, so men want to be the alpha male. Moto sluts dig nice whips and dragged handlebars, so we will give it to them. But you brought your chick, BRO. Best case scenario, you lay down a hot whip, one of those girls on the fence looks your way, and you have a solid 2-3 hours of arguing with your woman that you were just feeling it on that jump, that’s all. And you are not getting laid tonight.
5. She might be faster than you – Honestly, I have no idea how any man could deal with this. I mean, I am not even here to say that girls generally suck at riding, but if your woman is better than you, I just do not understand how you can live with yourself and that relationship. Could there be a more emasculating quality in a woman? You would have to start timing your motos around hers so you are never on the track at the same time, a real nuisance in and of itself. Then it starts to transfer over into other parts of your life; before you know it, you are bent over the bed while she lubes up the strap-on. You are getting laid tonight. Ouch.