Pre-race: No one ever mentions the real key to the race: Don’t give a fuck.
Holeshot: Barcia gets the start but doesn’t triple in to the first rhythm like a Joe. Roczen does, and takes the lead. He didn’t give a fuck.
Lap 1: Ralph actually uses the term “lites bike” instead of 250. The voice of Supercross, indeed.
Lap 2: Roczen rhythming the left of the whoops, Barcia skimming the right. Both lines looked like shit.
Lap 3: Barcia passes Roczen. I initially thought he slammed him, but he barely made contact. Roczen just whiskey throttled himself way out of the line after Barcia hit him, feet off the pegs like a boss.
Lap 4: Wharton trying to pass Durham for 3rd, but DD is not having any of that shit. Probably 5 pass attempts this lap that Durham shuts down like a McDonald’s with an HIV problem.
Lap 4 (cont’d): Martin actually passed both Wharton and Durham for about 3 seconds before they both passed him back. Don’t see that every day.
Lap 5: DD washes the front end in the moon dust at the top of the berm then gets bitch slapped by the ass end of the bike. Mitch programs the PC bikes to do that.
Lap 6: Barcia gets all fuckabucked in the whoops. Fuckabuck or Huckafuck? Also late entry – huckabuckfucked. Who ya got?
Lap 8: Bowers and Martin completely running the joe show as they both manage to take each other out in 4th and 5th.
Lap 10: Jake Canada running in 4th now. All the Canadians are psyched until they find out that he’s from America. The fact that he’s doing well should have been a dead giveaway.
Lap 11: Why does everyone always fuck up what the MotoConcepts team rides? The 250 dudes ride Hondas, and the 450 dudes ride the short bus.
Lap 11 (cont’d): Durham passes Rife for 5th by basically getting underneath him and shooting him out of the way like one of those motorized pieces in a Hot Wheels track. Seriously, Mitch, the fuck is in those bikes? Baggett and Lemoine get tangled up in that clusterfuck.
Lap 14: Tommy Weeck running 7th, telling Lemoine to sit the fuck down with his passing attempt. Bogle getting into the mix, too.
Lap 15: Bogle and Weeck dicing it out. Tommy has never finished this well, so he’s basically prepared to launch the last berm back into America before he actually loses it on the last lap.
Finish: Barcia wins it, doing some burnouts for the BROs in the front row. Horns are flying everywhere. BRO. Roczen and Wharton in the top 3.
