Tag Archives: supercross

Feast Your Eyes On Windham’s SLC Transfer

Posted on April 29, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink


I have not been posting K-Dub’s transfers lately, and that’s on me. I dropped the ball. It happens to the best of us. But what a way to get back into it, in the last two weeks that we will likely EVER see the Windham transfers. Look at the steeze factor, enough to shut down anyone on the track. The necessary turndown is a beautiful thing, especially when performed amidst the cavalcade of buttery style that is Kevin Windham.

Here’s some brain food to gnaw on: Every single one of these transfers is basically do or die, at minimum do or break your face and get internal bleeding or something. There were maybe a few when K-Dub was nursing injuries that were mellow, but for the most part, they are gnarly. Forget about the distance, let’s talk about hitting a giant lip from a skewed angle and landing the same way – case it and your are absolute fucking history, because if the case doesn’t break your ankles, the resulting stop-to-stop swap out is going to make your brain and other vital organs take a time out. And Windham has nailed every fucking one of them. He never rolls them (because he can’t), he just does them. I do not give a shit about results anymore. The BOAT: Baddest Of All Time. Read more »

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Seattle For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on April 25, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: It’s hard to bet against Roczen in this moto. He comes from Germany, where the tracks either suck (about 95%) or have perfect dirt. Kid is a machine in this stuff.

Holeshot: Tomac. I’m changing my bet.

Lap 2: Roczen is up to 3rd behind Christian Craig, who is looking to prove that he is more than the TLD dude that instagrams a lot of stuff with his chick. He’s ripping right now.

Lap 3: Roczen moved into 2nd and now Sipes is around Craig, too. Sipes also still exists, for your information.

Lap 4: Malcolm had just moved into 7th past Cunningham, but he needed to exfoliate and you cannot put a price on good mud.

Lap 5: Osborne battling with Sipes for 3rd, somehow manages to hit a double from so far inside he was basically on top of the tuff blocks.

Lap 6: Osborne into 3rd, squares up Sipes then shuts him down in the whoops. He’s about that box.

Lap 10: Tomac ovah the bahhhs! #BostonStrong

Lap 10 (cont’d): Ralph just called the back of the bike “the tail section”, like it’s a fucking Boeing. Oh Sheheen, you slay me.

Lap 11: Speaking of the tail section, Tomac’s looks like it thinks it’s better than everyone else. Hey, you think you’re better’n me? You ain’t better’n me. Roczen is now leading, by the way.

Lap 13: Dynamite battle for 5th happening with Sipes, Rattray, and Davalos. Running train on those ruts.

Lap 14: Politelli getting in the mix now for the battle for 5th and Davalos got distracted by something shiny. He hit the ground.

Lap 15: Did I not call Roczen for the win? Granted I wrote this 4 days after the race but you know what, kids? Santa doesn’t exist. So enjoy that knowledge.

Finish: Roczen takes it. The ‘ship is now his to lose.

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Seattle For Assholes: 450 Breakdown

Posted on April 25, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Before we get started, you all have undoubtedly noticed that this blog has been on hiatus for a while. I stopped because I got bored of it, simple as that. People came calling, and I realized that this is more important than me. The citizens need the Breakdowns. Because on the inside, we are all assholes (scientifically true, to a degree).

Pre-race: It’s raining. No surprise, Seattle is where Jesus goes to cry. Also, the Fox riders are running #Boston butt patches. Cool as fuck, and a phenomenal way to get chicks to try to click your ass.

Holeshot: Barcia gets it and (spoiler alert) that’s the ballgame. Villopoto got pinballed all over the place but Reed was the one who took the nut-kicking of fate in that fiasco.

Lap 2: Dungey’s number plate got into the mini bar at the hotel by the looks of things. He is actually picking his way through the pack, which he normally struggles to do.

Lap 3: Villopoto around Alessi. The crowd goes a little wild, but not as much as Minni for The Dunge. Can’t blame them, you wouldn’t cheer as loud if your child was a ginger.

Lap 4: It’s lap 4/20 on 4/20. The stands have emptied as everyone rushes to the pizza guy.

Lap 5: Villopoto is struggling with the ruts, but so is everyone else so it’s all good. Fish tail steeze for days.

Lap 8: Villopoto is right there, but Barcia’s brain is good at ignoring riders around him and telling insecurity to fuck off.

Lap 10: Considering the ruts on this track, giving a fuck is not a winning strategy. Wide open coming out of the turns and tracking a rut the whole way. NFG.

Lap 12: Vince has his hands full with Weimer, Brayton, Short, and Tickle on the move. Weimer actually came way through the pack in this race but no one has said anything about it.

Lap 14: This is not the race to fuck up your seatbounces. Shorty demonstrates (he saved it, cool your jets).

Lap 16: Barcia and Villopoto are dialed, they’ve lapped into the top 10.

Lap 17: Millsaps discovering the relentless hazards that are lappers stalling in your rut. No worries for him though since he rides a bike like it’s a tricycle that owes him money.

Lap 19: Weimer just moved into 5th. He started somewhere like 13th. Anytime you pass more riders than the number that beat you, you had a good race. Take that to the bank.

Lap 20: I’d say this is Barcia’s to lose, but anyone who has had a race locked up on a rutty track and fallen on the last fucking lap knows not to count those chickens.

Finish: Oh just kidding, Barcia wins it.

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Atlanta For Assholes: 450 Breakdown

Posted on February 27, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: The last time Stewart led a race was the last time he won. Mull that over.

Holeshot: James. 3rd in, 1st out. All that matters.

Lap 1: Stew 1, Villopoto 2. No one else is even in this race, right?

Lap 2: Stewart’s line in the rhythm is a straight pin-and-pray, but *spoiler alert* he and basically everyone but Villopoto hit it every lap.

Lap 2 (cont’d): Villojoseph gets out of shape in the triple-triple section before the whoops. As Ralph put it, he “showed a little bit of a wiggle.” Whatever, BRO.

Lap 4: RC saying Stewart is on his way to his 45th win. On lap 4. Since James actually did end up winning, this was the equivalent of betting a grand on a half court shot and sinking it. While blindfolded. And drunk. And being shot by a machine gun.

Lap 5: Fro discussing the utility of one footers in SX, but failing to mention “for the kids”. Big miss, chief.

Lap 9: James crossruts the step over after the rhythm almost every lap. But he has factory suspension so he’s all “Eat my ass, lines.” Like a boss.

Lap 10: Ralph mistaking Alessi for Millsaps. BRO, you speak for a living. Stop sucking at it.

Lap 11: Tomac cruising through the pack. Took him forever to get past Alessi (color me shocked) but he’s around Weimer no problem.

Lap 12: Reed jumping through the whoops. Only cool guys jump through the whoops.

Lap 14: Reed into 9th. He’s not even riding poorly. Getting a bad start in this class is like being the designated driver at a blacklight party – it just ruins the whole experience.

Lap 16: Are we really looking at a battle for 13th when Stew and Poto are 1-2 on lap 16?

Lap 17: Despite this hilariously timed boner photo, Millsaps is actually right there. Only 2 seconds off of Villopoto.

Lap 18: Villopoto closing on Stewart. They’re talking fitness but seriously BRO, we’re on lap 18 and James hasn’t crashed or fucked up at all yet. He’s nursing this one home.

Lap 19: Stew’s mechanic held up the pitboard with “2 laps to go” at the end of this lap, so that white flag might as well have been 50 Christmases in one.

Lap 20: James doubling through the rhythm. RV is closing but one more lap? James is prepared to road block the shit out of this one.

Finish: Stewart. I called it. Just didn’t tell anyone.

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Dallas For Assholes: 450 Breakdown

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: Stew out because his clutch grenaded. Factory as shit.

Holeshot: Millsaps actually gets it, even though he entered the first turn in about mid pack. Snuck it up the inside like a Navy SEAL.

Lap 1: Villopoto straight into the lead, bad news BROs.

Lap 2: Reed is in 2nd but Davi literally skimmed the rhythm before the last triple, so he’s over giving any fucks.

Lap 4: Millsaps back around Reed, hitting the low lines like a boss.

Lap 6: The Dunge all over Reed now, Villopoto is cruising.

Lap 7: Shorty doing it for team Stock Graphics, running in 9th.

Lap 8: Not even trying to be a dick, but I don’t think Fro knows what “ironic” means. Peick and Blose both wearing black like “bad boys” is not ironic. It’s just something that happened.

Lap 11: Barcia and Brayton battling for 5th. Brayton doesn’t really whip, Barcia does all the time. It’s an interesting juxtaposition when they are next to each other.

Lap 11 (cont’d): Barcia just missed the tire tap before the triple and almost pulled a move out of the Larry Loopout playbook.

Lap 13: We’re on Villopoto for a solid 2 laps now, because there’s no racing happening…

Lap 15: The Dunge stuffs Reed for 3rd. NFG moves.

Lap 17: RC schooling Ralph on the pronunciation of “Sycuan”. Sorry BRO but after hearing you butcher the name “Decotis”, that would be grounds for a mouthful of Coors Light to the face.

Lap 19: The Dunge isn’t dun yet. Catching Millsaps for 2nd.

Finish: Villopoto had this one the second he got into the lead. Unchallenged all race.

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The Art Of Flight With Zach Bell

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

I want to start here: let’s talk about how Zach Bell did not Tonya Harding the ever-loving shit out of his femur. When I saw the crash, I thought for sure he was going to be chair bound for a solid 4-6 months. When he stood up, I became confused, so I decided to conduct an experiment: just to gain a benchmark, I took a rubber mallet, and lightly hit myself in the hip. When I picked myself up from the reservoir of tears and agony, I took a second to gather my thoughts and try to understand how my modestly swung one pound hammer compared to Bell cannonballing to the grudgingly unforgiving Dallas soil. The results were inconclusive; I mean, this hammer was a really hard rubber.

On to the more pressing matter of Bell actually lining up and racing after this ill-fated attempt at showing the Wright Brothers how it is really done. Honestly, I thought for sure he was knocked out. And so did everyone else, so he definitely got checked out for it. He’s not going to win a championship, and everyone knows that (Deano won already), so he did not stand to lose anything by not racing except the uproariously reasonable $2500 in prize money. If he passed the concussion test, which he clearly did, then he just decided to savage the whole night away and just swing in real quick to race the LCQ and main. Oh, and I know you would never let your kid do that, and that is why your kid still rocks floaties in the shallow end and Zach Bell is probably busy throwing “your” next kid in your wife right now. Like. A. Boss. Read more »

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San Diego For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on February 14, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: Erin just said freakish on TV. I bet she’s into some freak ish. And SPEED just created a great new hashtag – #28TylaRattrayProblems

Holeshot: Anderson breaks the JDR/TLD streak on holeshots. They’ve seriously had all of them between Seely, Nelson, and Savatgy

Lap 1: Davalos pulls the You Got Served shit in the rhythm section and gets tossed. But unlimited street cred for break dancing a PC 250.

Lap 3: Talking about how tight the battle for the lead is but we are on lap 3, so… it’s really not that close. Finding things to talk about is hard.

Lap 3 (cont’d): Tomac missed the triple but hit the next berm like it owed him money to save 2nd.

Lap 5: Tomac into the lead. Yellow flags but it’s the pros. The NFG rule is in full effect.

Lap 6: Tomac is throwing one footers all over the place. That’s a dead giveaway of riding like a boss.

Lap 7: Anderson dealing with Roczen while Tomac is out. 2 seconds a lap on JA.

Lap 8: Roczen into 2nd, set Anderson up like he wasn’t even trying. Germans are some crafty mofos.

Lap 9: Showing Cunningham now making the move on Baker for 8th. Have to wonder if the sponsors of that team get pissed that no one actually calls the team by its actual name and still just says Star Yamaha…

Lap 11: Cunningham rhythming through the whoops. That’s always cooler.

Lap 11 (cont’d): Malcolm Stew hits the deck #MalcolmProblems. Davalos is up to 11th now after his lolligagging on lap 1.

Lap 12: Osborne welcoming The Savage to pro life, puts him into the tuff blocks.

Lap 14: Tomac on the #1 plate program, still tossing the buttery one footers for the kids.

Lap 15: No one really talking about it but Roczen is catching Tomac. Like, a lot.

Finish: Tomac took it but Roczen was on him like white on hockey. Wait, what?

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San Diego For Assholes: 450 Breakdown

Posted on February 13, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: Suzuki hasn’t won here apparently but you will have an intimate familiarity with that factoid after it is mentioned a thousand times tonight.

Holeshot: Millsaps is first to the whiteness. Ralph is calling him Magic Man now. That’s a Ralph nickname all day long.

Lap 1: Reed up to 2nd past Tickle. He is all about a whale’s vagina.

Lap 2: Pretty sure Ralph just said RV is showing an 8th. First he dealt with rule 4.20, and now this. They are all about the green at Kawi. [That whole joke was a reach. Ralph said "in", but I took some artistic liberties.]

Lap 4: Stew and The Dunge around Tickle for 5th and 6th.

Lap 7: Reed all over Millsaps but Davi wheelies into the whoops and hits them like that Dorner dude in the log cabin – straight fire.

Lap 8: Villopoto all over Stewart and Dungey. This is the highest paid battle for 5th ever.

Lap 9: Reed all over Millsaps and now Barcia is joining the crew. They are miles ahead of everyone else.

Lap 10: Reed down in the corner after triple #2. Dorner sniped him because he’s wearing red, white, and blue.

Lap 11: All Millsaps and Barcia right now. Real question: who is Colleen rooting for? Either way, it’s about 10 more joeys signing up for year-round memberships so she’s all good, I guess.

Lap 14: Barcia is all over Millsaps as they hit enough lappers to suffocate a leader’s vocal chords.

Lap 16: Barcia back on the rev limiter program, trying to find a way around Davi but it is not happening.

Lap 18: Dungey is 3rd now with Villopoto right behind him but they are still way behind the lead duo.

Lap 19: With the amount of lappers he’s encountering, Millsaps definitely enters the whoops every lap praying for Haley’s Comet to take a detour and knock them into harmless territory.

Lap 19 (cont’d): Taking Ralph and Jeff a while to realize that Villopoto went down…

Finish: Millsaps just won’t stop extending his lead. This isn’t supposed to happen, something must be broken.

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A3 For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on February 7, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: I seriously applaud Ralph for saying “250″ instead of “Lites”. Breaking that habit had to be damn near impossible for him.

Holeshot: Joey “The Savage Joey” Savatgy has another one. KTM’s are fast. So is he. That makes it double fast.

Lap 1: Roczen isn’t having any of the Savage. He’s straight into the lead after NFGing the whoops like a boss.

Lap 2: Davalos into 2nd past Savatgy in the whoops. Joey, the secret to hitting the whoops is do better. One love.

Lap 4: Seely and Tomac going at it while slicing through the pack. Throwing down some scrubs, for the kids.

Lap 5: Tomac into 4th, passing Baker. Cunningham is getting into the mix, too, just passed Seely behind them.

Lap 6: Burnouts for the boys by Seely. He went down and basically just wanted to tell everyone else to eat shit.

Lap 8: Tomac passing Savatgy, but Roczen and Davalos are gone. Time to forget whatever fucks were previously given.

Lap 9: “As you can see, Ricky, Marteen is catching Davalos.” No Ralph, but I can see that name talking is hard.

Lap 10: Baker around Savatgy for 5th. Both these dudes are crushing it these days.

Lap 11: Obsorne to the inside of Baker. Travis somehow picked up his foot and saved it from being deleted from existence by the GEICO bike.

Lap 13: Roczen red plate, not a four letter word even in his vocabulary.

Lap 15: Roczen dealing with lappers, clearly hoping they will literally implode on themselves.

Finish: Kenny has had this one since Jump St. He’s now 2-2-2-1-1. Not even bad.

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A3 For Assholes: 450 Breakdown

Posted on February 6, 2013 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: The Dunge all the way outside. Because his shock got too baked in the heat and completely collapsed. True story.

Holeshot: Brayton sticks it in there but Alessi ripped him out and stuck himself in there. Wait, that got weird.

Lap 1: Reedy jumps it straight into Brayton and invites Villopoto to the party, too.

Lap 2: Alessi is leading Dungey, Millsaps, Canard, Stewart, Barcia. Mikey, you are out of your element.

Lap 2 (cont’d): This happened in the rhythm section. Millsaps definitely shit a brick on this one. Alessi goes down, Davi’s all good.

Lap 4: Dungey leading Millsaps but James Bubba forgot what a shitty year he’s having and is on it in 3rd.

Lap 7: Stewie ruins Davi in the whoops, into 2nd. The Dunge is running away now.

Lap 10: Villopoto in 14th. Just showed the replay of his crash with Alessi, what they didn’t show was him straight Hulking Alessi’s bike off of his.

Lap 11: Whatever wind was in James’ sails is long gone. Millsaps and Barcia are all over him.

Lap 12: Barcia’s rear fender is flapping around all over the place. Looks like Honey Boo Boo’s mom trying to do pilates in a tee shirt. Just gross.

Lap 14: Stew misses the triple into the rhythm section, hands 2nd to Davi. No mistakes in the top 3 BRO, you should know that.

Lap 17: Canard and Tickle going at it for 7th. Villopoto 9th. Not exciting but I ran out of shit to say.

Lap 18: Stewart blows it in the rhythm section again and this time Barcia takes advantage. Told you there’s no mistakes in the top 3, BRO.

Lap 20: The Dunge taking it slow. Don’t need that shock caving in right now.

Finish: Dungey all day. 2nd in the LCQ to Dr. Boner Air, Jimmy Albertson, to winning the main. That actually happened.

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