Let’s rap for a minute, kids. Jake Weimer got 2nd at Phoenix. 2nd. Number 2. His best finish yet in the 450 class. I brought a little bit of this action to Twitter on Saturday night, but I feel like it deserves its own blog. Weimer pretty much got smoked last year. He did get hurt, but it is no secret that he is absolutely destroying it this year as compared to last. Sure, some people said the 2011 450 handled like a Peterbilt, and there are those who may argue that breaking your arm in half is not the best pre-race ritual. But let’s not ignore the obvious: Weimer unloaded about 110-120 pounds of weight in the off season and the dude is looking lean. He got rid of his chick, and now he’s ripping.
I cannot tell you how many fast kids I have seen get wifed up and simultaneously drop the anchor out on the race track. You see, BROs, the vast majority of chicks are an antidote for that sweet poison called winning, because they are woman, hear them roar. She might like to go to the track and do laptimes, but she also LOVES to go out to dinner, eat dessert, not pay for anything, talk, complain, not make sandwiches, talk about exercising but not do it, watch TV, not play video games, talk until she’s falls asleep or you knock her out, and all the other garbage that women pine for. I am generalizing, of course, but I’m the type who likes to play the numbers. I’m not telling you to go gay BROs, but there is a type who was seemingly created to fill the void in an aspiring pro’s life: of course, the answer is sluts. Get in, get off, get out. Now you can get back to training, eating right, watching tapes, and just being an overall boss because homegirl is on her way back to Hooters for the night shift.
There is also a distinct mental gain to be accounted for when keeping it BRO with the rut sluts rather than your own personal succubus. Jake now lines up knowing that if he does well, he can have his pick of the litter (and I do mean litter). Before, there was nothing to be lost or gained in that realm; he was going to get laid either way. A wise man once said “You should always stay hungry. Stay hungry so you can eat.” Now Weimer’s hungry, and he’s eating the shit out of those hoes every weekend. Not literally, unless that’s his thing. I would not know. Boom, why don’t you pick up that knowledge that I just dropped on you.