Ok, literally just watched this. At the beginning, I was all “The fuck’s a joker lane?” Then RC explained it, satisfaction ensued. To my understanding, you have to use the joker lane at one point in each race, and it is obviously way slower than not using it, especially since it appears to be sandier than Bret Michaels’ vagina. I think the massive oversight with this track feature is the fact that a lot of these guys are dumb as fuck. No joke, that’s the medically correct term for their condition – dumb as fuck. DAF, for those in the know.
Not only are you telling these guys that they have to use this lane once in each race, but you are putting that on them when they have to do 3 fucking main events. Trust me, this would have dude’s in the fetal position in one main, let alone 3. You don’t want to confuse moto BROs. Why do you think the mechanics hold up pit boards listing the sponsors? Because thinking is difficult and makes my head have a tummy ache. If you’ve ever read that section in Transworld where they ask the riders and the models general knowledge questions, then you should understand that many of us struggle with basic math. 9×9? My phone has a calculator chief, that is my answer. With this joker lane, you’ll have guys going “Did I use it this moto yet? Yeah I definitely did. Wait, was that the last lap of the last moto? No. Yes. Wait, what lap is it? Oh fuck, I’m getting passed, I’ll do this homework tomorrow.” Basically, someone is going to have an aneurysm out there, and Monster already struggles to get shit insured for this race. But that’s cool, can’t put a price on entertainment.
How about the fact that Raise It Up and The Boyz are just blowing the shit up these day? That’s all I took away from this video. Like, Carmichael and Dungey had no fucking idea what the dude was talking about, but the editors had to include that question just to get the RIU footage in there. The boss definitely told the guy, “Listen, this interview is going to be totally gay if we don’t spice it up a little. Get those black guys who are complete savages in the streets, that ought to do the trick.” It did, BRO. It did.
P.S. I like seeing the archive footage, too. Who would have thought there would be something to desperately piecing together a hodgepodge of scrap footy so we don’t have to watch Hipster Harry awkwardly talking to RC the whole time?
Well if no one else if going to talk about this, I will. Man boobs, that is my only takeaway from RC racing again. Man boobs, a condition also commonly referred to as bitch tits. I am not even kidding you right now. Might still be the GOAT (even though he got 4th), but also fat. That should be an asterisk next to his results: DNF-4 *due to fatness. RC got on that NASCAR wagon and he got on it hard.
Old Dirty Shark just dropped this flick with RC, pretty much just a straight riding video, contrary to Shark’s M.O. Carmichael is looking fast, but that should be expected. How do I think he would do if he just jumped straight in to Supercross right now? I’m sure the top 4 would smoke him, but maybe a 5th. He might even dice it with Dungey for a minute or two. He looks like he was all over Metty in this vid, but that’s where video can be a real bitch; nothing worse than having a guy who is slower than you filmed right behind you, because now the whole YouTube viewing world thinks that guy is as fast as you. Not saying that RC is definitely slower than Metty, just saying that the video cannot be submitted as conclusive evidence.
And I don’t think RC is fat. He is festively plump.
I keep expecting to get sick of the “Shit ___ Say” videos, but it is just not happening. And let me say right now that it is a gross injustice to society that it took almost two weeks for this video to reach my screen. The BROs really dropped the ball on that one. Like, this wasn’t that good, but I still needed to see it. And it was better than Shit Motocrossers Say all day long. I actually laughed a couple times, and +10 for using The BRO Song to open and close. It was right where I envisioned it being, no more, no less. Overall, I’ll give it a 1.5/2.
And by the way, Shit Moto BROs Say is coming soon. Belie’ dat.
File under: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson. Well this is a change of pace. We are going old school this week, probably back to about ’98 judging from the Carmichael Pro Circuit bike in the background (fuck with me, BRO). There is definitely something to be said about the nostalgic value we have going on here, even though I was about 9 years old when this was taken. I still get it, old BROs.
Hair – What can we say? A very natural, girl next door look going on here. It’s the kind of hair that says “In 14 years, I am going to be a MILF that will cause more car accidents with my yoga pants alone than with my inferior driving skills.”
The Goods - Um, fucking nailing it this week. We got the T, we got the A. Bonus points for the flat stomach and the comfortably tan skin without reaching English-as-a-second-language levels.
Attire – Real talk time: what the fuck happened to the high rise thong? So much better than anything you see today. Sure, it may have given some advantage to fat chicks versus current fashion, which may be a crime against humanity, but the girls who could run them could run the FUCK out of them.
Misc – Already previously mentioned this but we cannot ignore the fact that since this photo is from the last millenium, this chick is almost definitely a MILF today. I’m not sure if she is the type to risk a happy home with a caring husband and wonderful children for a night of flagrant debauchery with a budding media mogul, but I would like to think so. I just assume the best of people, I suppose.
Rating 2/2 for days. Probably a 3/2 now with the MILF factor, pending an investigation as to how well she is running with it.
From Sports Illustrated – It would be NASCAR’s dream race in many ways: Ricky Carmichael, Travis Pastrana, James Stewart on the grid of the Daytona 500, legions of 18-to-39-somethings huddled around televisions and smart devices, breathlessly watching this triumvirate of motocracy as it prepared to compete in Sprint Cup’s premier event. Oh, the brand new merchandise they would be wearing. Oh, the loyalty for their new sport of choice bursting from their young and impressionable hearts as they follow their motocross/supercross/action sports heroes loyally to their new vocation. Full article here.
I am definitely becoming quite disgruntled with all of this NASCAR bullshit surrounding MX, probably because NASCAR is pretty much the EnduroCross of the mainstream. I say again that I do not understand why so many racers think that they can automatically go to NASCAR. Oh, I know why they want to; those guys get paid about a billion dollars a lap or some equally absurd amount like that. But, here is the issue BROs – you suck at driving a car circles. At least at first you do. I mean, give even an Asian woman with tunnel vision about a thousand laps and she will be Jeff Gordoning the fuck out of those left turns.
Ok, full disclosure here: I only read the first three paragraphs of this article. It just got really boring, and really all I needed was the first paragraph. First of all, the writer’s name is Brant. Ok, that’s one point for me and the rest of the world that is not named Brant. But seriously, NASCAR, get off our Kool-Aid. These guys want to race NASCAR for the cash money, that is it. I do not blame them, I blame every state south of the Mason-Dixie line (Google it) for enabling that sort of driver compensation. Brant, you make your sport sound pretty fucking pathetic saying your dream car race would be a race between a bunch of MX racers. Furthermore, trust me when I say that RC’s or Stewart’s involvement in NASCAR will not be enough to make people like it. You would need all the busty, loose women in the world to win that battle. Oh, and saying “18-39 somethings” makes no fucking sense. If you are giving specific ages, you needn’t use the “something” you dumb fuck.
P.S. How NASCAR is Carmichael now? I guarantee he is running a fat lip of Skoal right this second.