It is not rare for me to see these inspirational-type stories and think “Ok, good for that guy, but I could definitely do that.” Like, I give the dudes credit for doing what they are doing and overcoming barriers and all that inspiring shit, but the asshole that is the back of my mind is saying “That looked Eazy as fuck.” Having said all that, I sincerely think that this is something that I could not actually do. Maybe it is because I actually know what it is like to ride with eyes closed, so that prerequisite knowledge is giving me a higher understanding, but I am pretty sure that the second I left solidly level ground, one of two things would happen: I would buckle and flatten my life on the face of the jump, or I would hit that shit and Larry Loopout in the most epic fashion. Not to mention that if I had a hiccup like he did in the last part, I would have shit my pants so bad that my asshole would have ruptured and I would probably then be dead. A shit death.
I was looking for something that I could make fun of in this video to satisfy the BROs who need me to say that shit. I was all set to come out with the always-promising “I’m better looking than that guy so I could definitely pull more chicks, even in his prime.” Then the weird guitar-esque thing came out and I pretty much cried from the joy of the music and the despair that this dude had that in his pocket when it came time to close on some sluts. Fuck you, dude.