I know everyone expects me to make fun of this guy and his funtastic quad maneuvers, but I’m not. This is what quads are made for: Muddin’. Quads fucking live for that shit. If there is one area where quads are completely untouchable, it’s in the mudhole. Try to go to one of those down-South mud pits on a bike – you’ll look like an asshole; people will be farting in your general direction all day long because you are some prick that decided to show up on a bike, similar to what every moto dude does when a quad shows up at the track. So when this dude got bucked into Coma-town, it was because he really forgot what he was riding. A quad wants to go through that mud, BRO, not jump over it. Disrespect the bull and you’ll get the horns, as home boy has since learned.
From Autoblog - Although the vehicle sliding through the image above looks something like a cartoonified World Rally Championship Ford Focus, it is actually an ATV – the Yamaha YZF 450 Raptor, at right – turned into a miniature rally car. The transformation comes courtesy of Formula Cross, a company that wants to create an entry series into motorsports or weekend-warrioring that’s more open, and kinder on the body, than karting. From what we can tell, the brains behind the machine is none other than RMR.
I fancy myself to be a bit of an idea man. I think I am able to find opportunities and foster ways to benefit from those opportunities, because I am awesome and if anyone should benefit from any opportunity granted to them, it’s me. Having said all that, I cannot believe that I was not in on this idea from the ground floor. Seriously next level shit. This is the iPod of motorsport ideas. Just look at that video – that guy actually looks like he’s having fun, and there is technically a quad involved. Amazing, I never thought I’d see the day. Like, quad riders don’t even have to kill themselves anymore, they can just get this and lead a fairly normal existence. And like every great idea, it seems so obvious in hindsight. Here’s a quad, it sucks. Here’s a rally car, it’s awesome. Quads have 4 wheels, rally cars have 4 wheels. All you need is a steering wheel and a body kit and you have yourself a mini rally car. Got me smacking my forehead in disgrace for not thinking of it.
Well there you have it. Quad riders are just fucking stupid. Seriously dude, how do you piss yourself in a crash? You are in the desert, if you had to go, just pull over and go. You should know not to try to hold it because you ride a Yamaha Blaster and will undoubtedly do something retarded in the time it takes you to get back to your truck. That is what happens when you ride a vehicle that’s as wide as the trail itself, you piss your pants. I suspect that this is not the first time this has happened to this dude, either, because when he was all upset about it, his tone had a definite “Not again” factor to it. And why the fuck would you yell something like that, BRO? When you piss yourself, you stare at the wall like a normal person.
You can watch the whole vid if you want, but I’m skipping everyone to the M. Night Shyamalan twist ending we got going on here. Can you guess what it is? Yep, the quad guy sucks at what he does. Sick backflip BRO. The only thing you forgot to do was actually backflip. It is a little-to-well known fact that all quad riders, even good ones, actually suck at what they do, including riding quads. That’s right, the good guys actually suck. Doesn’t that just blow your mind? Well it shouldn’t. Quads are the fucking worst, and the riders are just as bad. #nukethequads
I need this guy’s contact info this fucking second. You talk shit to quad riders like this, you have earned a free Nuke The Quads shirt. Don’t say that this guy is an asshole; it’s called tough love people. You would not be doing this dude any favors by pussy footing around the fact that he is an asshole. Just crush him now so he never goes back to the track and has something like this happen all over again. This is yet another piece of evidence for why quads not only need to be banned from the track, but from existence. Just cruising around the course in their tee shirt like a joe and literally taking a left in a right turn. Fucking dumb assholes. A detriment to the progress of American society. The best way to treat a problem like this is to cut it off early, like cancer. Congrats quads, you are cancer. Fuck you. Thanks to Chase for the vid link. #nukethequads
Nuke The Quads tees are back up on the store for pre-order, as well as BRO stickers (pre-ordering a tee means you get free sticks, BRO). BROtocross.bigcartel.com
From: Daniel To: email@example.com This made me 50$ richer, is that BRO enough for you.
Even amongst the epic race season unfolding before us, there are still times when we need to just talk about the little things. This kid legit sends me shit probably every other day, like a boss. I would say he is definitely in the top 5 of people most likely to saw off his arm if I asked him to just because I need a new chew toy for my dog and don’t feel like going to Petco, which is awesome. More people need to be like that. Eventually, it’ll land you on BROtocross.
Anyway, most of that crap has nothing to do with what I’m talking about here, which is what people should be thinking about what is being disclosed in this e-mail. Ok, we can clearly see in the pics that you and your boy went tip to tip on the bike with upside-down goggles. Normally, lame as fuck, just because goon riding is played out like a Jheri curl. But wait, there’s money involved. Not only money, fifty fucking dollars. Who is the real winner here? I have to say kids on the bike. Did each of them get $50? Does that mean some idiot shelled out $100 to watch two kids go at it on the bike while he took pics? Did you just get an idea for a website that should never see the light of day? Frankly, there are very few things I would not do for $50, so I say this kid came out ahead.
Things I would not do for $50:
Ride a quad
Be nice to Mike Alessi
Not love America
Not hate not-America
Punch K-Dub in the face (unless he requested it, although it would be very difficult and I would dip my hand in acid afterward, if it was not already burned by striking Windham)
Delete Ami Houde’s phone number (I’m working on the pics, BROs. One love)
Fight Dungey’s dad
Drink the amount of Monster that every SX fan throws down during a Supercross
If you missed it or had better things to do (trust me, you did), this was the big crash in the Freestyle Snowmobile event at Winter X last night. The dude is Colten Moore, one of the quad BROs, so I was all sorts of excited to see it happen. There is something to be said when an admitted quad BRO looks like he is about to live the lawn dart lifestyle from 40 feet up. #nukethequads
Our primary business is motocross training for dirt bikes. Because of the number of complaints we receive and the potential business loses if we continue to allow ATVs to practice on the big motocross track during our winter practice schedule, I am forced to stop doing quad practices on the big track. See full post here.
And so it begins. BROthers, our extermination of the quad type has taken shape. Take a look at notable war victories throughout history; they are often sparked by a minor victory, effectively starting a ripple effect that would see through to catastrophic losses for the all too ill-fated opponents. Now is not the time to revel in our success; now is the time to lay siege to quads, to burn their villages and steal their women (for sandwich-making duty). Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War “If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them.” We are well on our quest. Alabama is the redneck capital of the world, a quad haven. We have prevented them from congregating, from mixing with one another and spreading their in-bred demon seed.
We force quads to find new tracks, and we spread the quad butter more thinly. They will be inundated with hate, and without their fellow thumb throttle brethren to take cover amongst, will either die off or go into hiding. It should be known that any BRO caught providing quarter to a quad will be treated equally as harshly as one of those blue-groove loving, butt-whipping animals. You are getting in the way of natural selection. This is just nature improving the plight of humanity, you see. We can give them ATV-only tracks for the time being, but we all know that those will soon become barren lands where we can dump toxic waste. It is only a matter of time, BROs.
This video might be older than time but I present it as Exhibit 1,000 for why quads have no right to exist in modern society. I really thought this guy was kidding, but now I’m almost positive that he’s serious. Those are whips for quads. His BROs saw him and said “Yo, Jay is throwing DOWN today.”