I know everyone expects me to make fun of this guy and his funtastic quad maneuvers, but I’m not. This is what quads are made for: Muddin’. Quads fucking live for that shit. If there is one area where quads are completely untouchable, it’s in the mudhole. Try to go to one of those down-South mud pits on a bike – you’ll look like an asshole; people will be farting in your general direction all day long because you are some prick that decided to show up on a bike, similar to what every moto dude does when a quad shows up at the track. So when this dude got bucked into Coma-town, it was because he really forgot what he was riding. A quad wants to go through that mud, BRO, not jump over it. Disrespect the bull and you’ll get the horns, as home boy has since learned.
Update: So the quad BROs took the video down. Major bitch move but I’d expect nothing less. Dudes can’t even form an opinion, because they give way too many fucks about what other people think. You have to stick to your guns, like that Indian guy with the “Hitler” store. Say what you want about that Nazi Indian bastard, but he is making you quad BROs look like you will never get the sand out of your mangina.
Well, there you have it. This is quad riders for you. Just leave them to do their thing, and goddamnit they’ll do it. I saw the title of this video and fully expected them to be bashing BRO and I would have understood that. But instead they decide to go for the entire sport of moto. Seriously BROs, why would you do that to yourselves? Let’s show clips of a bunch of riders falling then show some dude trying to whip a quad and that will be a good look for us. Yeah, exactly what I would have expected. Keep doing you, quad riders.
Here’s the best part: I know that most of the quad community is watching this video and thinking “What the fuck,” because they know how terrible this makes them look. Not even talking about the whip clip either. It’s funny because I was thinking this morning that even quad riders know that moto is rad, they just happen to think their sport is rad, too, which it isn’t. Like, I know that most of them hate BRO, but they like moto. But now they have to deal with these vigilante quad fairies that are coming out and attacking all of MX and now everyone is going to hate them. Seriously, I guarantee this video does more for the #nukethequads movement than anything I have ever done. Fire up the presses, I have shirts to sell!
From Autoblog - Although the vehicle sliding through the image above looks something like a cartoonified World Rally Championship Ford Focus, it is actually an ATV – the Yamaha YZF 450 Raptor, at right – turned into a miniature rally car. The transformation comes courtesy of Formula Cross, a company that wants to create an entry series into motorsports or weekend-warrioring that’s more open, and kinder on the body, than karting. From what we can tell, the brains behind the machine is none other than RMR.
I fancy myself to be a bit of an idea man. I think I am able to find opportunities and foster ways to benefit from those opportunities, because I am awesome and if anyone should benefit from any opportunity granted to them, it’s me. Having said all that, I cannot believe that I was not in on this idea from the ground floor. Seriously next level shit. This is the iPod of motorsport ideas. Just look at that video – that guy actually looks like he’s having fun, and there is technically a quad involved. Amazing, I never thought I’d see the day. Like, quad riders don’t even have to kill themselves anymore, they can just get this and lead a fairly normal existence. And like every great idea, it seems so obvious in hindsight. Here’s a quad, it sucks. Here’s a rally car, it’s awesome. Quads have 4 wheels, rally cars have 4 wheels. All you need is a steering wheel and a body kit and you have yourself a mini rally car. Got me smacking my forehead in disgrace for not thinking of it.
From TMZ - DMX had quite the rough ride early this morning … when he lost control of the four-wheeler he was riding and ended up in the hospital with a concussion. X tells TMZ he was riding outside his home in South Carolina when he crashed while riding down a hill. He says he flipped over and, lucky for him, landed right on his ass. The rapper says he doesn’t remember much, other than the lights from the ambulance, and he doesn’t know when he will be released.
I don’t really know what to tell you, BRO, other than that is literally how Ruff Ryders roll. This is what happens when you ride a quad, because they are fucking deathtraps. I am pretty sure that it is well documented that when the Taliban run out of bullets or get tired of pulling fingernails, they just have prisoners ride around on quads for an hour or so. A dead guy is a dead guy.
But, full disclosure – I actually made great use of a quad at Red Bud the other weekend. When my tire blew its brains out and came off the rim, I couldn’t ride the bike back to the rig since everything was spinning down there. Got towed by a quad and it worked like a dream. I think when quads are literally serving MX in that way, we can make the relationship work. If only someone could devise a system where we could actually pay for quads to do things for us. Not pay them, pay for them, in the way that we buy appliances from WalMart or something. It would be up to you to take care of your quad and feed it and everything, because we all know a weak quad does not pick cotton tow bikes very efficiently, but it’s your quad, you be the judge of that. #enslavethequads
It kind of embarrasses me to post this, but so many people have sent it to me over the past few days that I feel I need to address it. No one hates quads more than I do, I think everyone knows that. I mean, the whole sport considers me, and just me, an enemy. BRO is the face of the anti-quad movement, a huge personal victory for me. Having said all that, I was not impressed with this meme. Like, the whole punchline of this is that quad riders are gay? C’mon BROs, you’re better than that. This is the big leagues: The Internet. The lawn mowers thing was ok, but with three references to it, the whole situation relies on that joke way too much. This is something that I would expect quad riders to do and think it was hilarious. That does not mean that it’s ok for us to do it. Moto BROs are a more refined piece of humanity; we go to wine and cheese events and drink Scotch on the rocks. We don’t go through this kind of effort to make a gay joke. There is no wit to it at all. Why is a quad rider gay? What makes him crave balls on his face? These are the questions you should be asking yourself the next time you go to make fun of them. Make everyone think about it a little. They need to know that we know that we are better than them. Nuke The Fucking Quads
Ok, once again I need to open this up with a serious question: Do quad riders think this is cool? Because virtually every pro-quad comment I have ever heard would logically hold true for this contraption. But there it is right there; if there is one thing that we can know with the utmost certainty it is that a quad BMX bike may be the worst atrocity committed by humanity since mullets and denim shorts. But if that is true (which we know that it unarguably is), then every quad rider has immediately proven his argument to be flawed in his defense of how not-gay his sport actually is. Sorry BROs, but you just lawyered yourselves right into the scented candle section at Bed, Bath, And Beyond.
Since quad whip video came out, a lot of quadtards have been in touch to try to defend themselves. Most of them just got all pissed off and did not really have any content to their argument, just flared nostrils and veins popping out of their knowledge-starved heads. A few people were all “Oh well you guys ride bikes that only weigh 250 pounds, we are on real machines.” Seriously? That is seriously your argument? You ride heavier shit, so you are more bad ass? I mean, it makes sense to me that they actually think that way now – quad BROs are usually fat fucks and usually have sex with equally fat bitches. But that is just more bad ass – nothing cool about having sex with a slender girl with nice curves and good handling. Anyway, I present this video as evidence that the weight argument is not only retarded, but does not even hold up to scrutiny. Snowmobiles basically weigh as much as a small RV and these dudes are sending whips like it’s no one’s business. Quads just suck; they are built like a goddamn Tundra, so you cannot whip them. I say again that quads are just a truck’s lesbian cousin that the family secretly makes fun of at Thanksgiving.