From Yahoo – Peter Sagan may have finished second in the Tour of Flanders in Belgium on Sunday, but he definitely took first when it came to “jokes” that backfired in a big way. Sagan, a 23-year-old cyclist from Belgium, is attracting plenty of criticism from the cycling world and beyond after he pinched the backside of a podium girl during the medal ceremony. The mischievous grin on Sagan’s face suggests he was hamming it up for the cameras that were trained on him, but he quickly learned the error of his ways once the photo made its way around the Internet. Full article here.
This is a sad day, not only for the world of cycling, but for the world in general. Gone are the Mad Men days, when men who had established their distinct dominant male attributes were granted not the privilege but the right to a firm hand right on the ass. It was not a matter of harassment (which coincidentally has the word “ass” in it, how’s that for a conspiracy?), rather a recognition of the biggest boss in the room. The accountants can sit idly by with their calculators and download a YouPorn video or something, because this is savage territory. Today, society has gone soft, and with it, the American Dream. But hey, it’s not like the ’50s were a time when the U.S. decisively won wars, had a shitload of money, and everyone got laid…
Look at this guy: That is the face of NFG – a man who knows what is right and refuses to allow the confines of societal philistinism to keep him from claiming what is rightfully his. This guy, while Slovakian, is doing this for America. He may not speak a lick of English and probably burns the stars and stripes on an average Tuesday afternoon, but he is a true American patriot. This is the call for all champions of sport, industry, and even art to stand up and make what is right right: Grab some asses #SaveSagan.
This video has been around for a couple of years but it only just hit the eyes that matter: mine. It takes a special kind of maniac to be leading a superbike race and make the informed yet retarded decision to just launch a spot on the track in an effort to extend the lead just that much more. You know those Old Spice commercials where the football dude is doing push-ups with the jet ski on his back? Small potatoes. Read more »
Here we have a prime example of what happens when not giving a fuck goes wrong. Guy was leading the pack, completely committed to showing the whole squad that he’s got game on the cruiser, only to get absolutely rocked by a rogue speed bump. Seriously chief, you need SX suspension if you’re going to seat bounce small, steep lips going mach 2. Where’s your brain? This is the type of shit I think of when I see all the joeys who have to holeshot practice or else they want to kill themselves. Sometimes, it’s better to just relax BROs.
This vid has been going viral these past 24 hours. I had to post it because all the true NFG BROs can relate to this – that instant when you’re in the air after sending a new jump and you realize that you are epically fucked and your balls go up into your stomach. Like, for a moment you think you might just be dreaming and the instant you hit the ground you will wake up. Then you hit the ground and get absolutely destroyed and start to take inventory of what vital organs are failing and how many bones just killed themselves. But it’s part of the game; part of progressing the level of fucks that you don’t give. If you haven’t done it before, you’re just a bitch, BRO. Go make a sandwich.
Speaking of making sandwiches, I found this other view of the crash, and can we talk about how women should just not be allowed at these events? Actually, I need to amend that – women should not be allowed to watch these events. Same reason that kids can’t go see “R” rated movies – it’s just a little too much for them, and no one wants to deal with the asshole kid throwing Milk Duds while they are getting a handy from their chick in the popcorn bucket. But the screeching has just got to stop. Yeah, the dude is going to eat shit. Your Pigmy war-cry is not going to help anything. It’s just going to piss everybody off. Calm down, take control of the situation, and direct yourself to the nearest stove; I like my PB&J grilled.
Well this one takes me back. I’m glad this is a mountain bike vid because we get the real time reactions from the kid. I think we can all relate to this. First time you hit a legit jump, you knew you were the shit. Women want you, men want the women that want you but fuck them. Like, you’re going pro, no doubt about it. It’s like “Um, I don’t know if you saw me, but I just almost did that double back there. It’s basically just a matter of waiting for the contract in the mail now.” Who to ride for? I mean, this is a career choice now. It’s time to start thinking about how you’ll handle interviews and sponsorships and the endless wave of pussy that is going to be cascading through your bedroom door. And then you fall. Fuck this, where are my Legos?
Never understood dirt track racing. Like, here’s a perfectly good MX bike, so let’s take out the suspension, put street tires on it, and race it around a blue-grooved track in circles. Don’t get me wrong, I like riding in circles as much as the next guy, but doing it as my main discipline? Don’t think I have it in me. Things would get real vanilla real quick. And you’d think that after the Evel Knievel days, BROs would have figured out that suspending your bike like a Harley Davidson isn’t exactly jump-friendly. It’s a give and take game, I guess. That bike may not be able to handle 3 feet of bad ass big air, but it will drift corners like you read about.
P.S. That guy’s ragdoll was the most NFG crash I’ve ever seen. A 10/10 no matter how you look at it. He started falling and was like “Ok, I’m down. Wake me up when it’s over, I’m going to think about puppies for a little while.”
I really enjoyed this video, and that’s about all there is to say. I wish the soundtrack was “Highway to the Dangerzone”, but you can’t win ‘em all. Seriously, what was the effects budget on this project? The pyro and the fake tits had to breach the $10,000 mark. Ok, I’m going to Southwick now.
Sucks to suck, BRO. Maybe you should perfect your skills on the bunny slope before you hit the double black diamonds and watch your ride go the way of a female Chinese baby. And do you want to know what gave away for lack of experience? Your reaction. Not boss lifestyles in any way. When you say “Oh no, oh my god no”, you should be saying “Fuck that bike” and pimp walking right back to an ice cold beverage at the truck, as demonstrated by the Fresh Prince:
This crash was shown a bunch in the TV coverage but I think this shot is so great. I actually didn’t even find out what happened to the guy, but really this was kind of hilarious from this angle. There is no other automotive equivalent of getting knocked the fuck out like that. The mistake that this guy made was caring way too much about where he landed. He hesitated so much on the throttle because his crew was all “Make sure you don’t overshoot that bitch because the car will get beat to shit.” His response should have been “Oh, I don’t give a fuck. Sorry I’m not sorry.” Then he’d have been golden.
p.s. I know the blog has been slacking lately, and this week will probably be no different because the BRO crew is roadtripping it to Red Bud. You know, for the kids.
The announcer completely made this video for me. These mountain bike dudes are writing the book on entertaining commentary. And even though the crash is 19 seconds into the video, at least watch 1:50 – “I’m sure his neck is going to feel like it’s on Viagra tomorrow.” Neck boners for days BRO.