Holeshot: Alex Martin rips it from the outside and just takes everyone’s pride and curbstomps it. Remember when Jeff said heavier dudes/bikes get better traction? Bullshit.
Lap 2: Durham into the lead, Barcia lets Stewart by for 3rd, clearly thinking championship. Ralph is baffled but that is not a surprise.
Lap 4: Martin got pushed out of the top 5 like a pageant girl who didn’t bang the judges. Now Stewart, Barcia, Baggett, Roczen, all behind Durham.
Lap 5: Literally as Carmichael is talking about how good Malcolm is doing tonight, he pulls the no footer in the whoops section. Always a bad decision, regardless of how few fucks are given.
Lap 7: Baggett and Roczen get past Barcia, who does not have one fuck to give about this race as long as he is in position to wrap up the ‘ship. Count on him treating lappers like they are made of nitro glycerin and the bird flu.
Lap 9: Durham jumping tuff blocks like a boss. Trying to knock that shit in front of the competition, 2 Fast 2 Furious style. Unfortunately it didn’t work and Baggett is actin’ a fool right on his ass now.
Lap 13: Durham pulled back away from Baggett, still jumping the tuff blocks in front of the triple. No fucks given.
Lap 14: I think Durham is technically cutting the track every lap, but even the AMA knows when to fuck off and let it be sometimes.
Lap 15: Baggett all up in Durham’s grillmix. Durham is just all “Christ Blake, don’t you have some offs to fuck?” [Two "fuck off" jokes in two laps. Like a boss.]
Finish: DD wins it over BB. Bogle gets a third, undoubtedly doing one footers and tear off throws for the kids. Barcia wraps up the title with a fourth and Roczen arm pumps his way across the line in fifth.