1. You add points to a rider’s size based on class – It’s pretty simple really: C-class +0, B-class +1, A-class +2, and Pro is an automatic yes. Seriously, a factory rider could be packing a pencil eraser down there and you would be ready and waiting with your lips pursed like you are sucking down a Frosty at Wendy’s.
2. You’ve been in every rig at the track – If you are a chick and you are not dating a rider, yet you have an intimate knowledge of the layout of every semi at the track, especially where the most comfortable kneeling spot is, you’re a slut, BRO.
3. Your phone Contacts looks like a National entry list – The local National is approaching and your phone is blowing the fuck up. And reading off the names, all you have to do is add “On the ______ backed [brand] 250″ before it and you could legitimately do Tim Cotter’s job for him.
4. Riders actually want to hang out with you – This is essentially an extension of #3, but it holds enough significance to warrant its own spot on the list. Riders don’t like you for your opinions or your story of almost riding one time. They put up with that to get to the end goal. These guys are athletes, they have that kind of endurance and mental wherewithal to stay the course. So just pump the brakes and shut the fuck up, there’s work to be done.
5. You’re a girl and you’re at the track – Sorry that I’m not sorry, ladies. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but they only serve to prove the rule. Dyke or slut, take your pick.
