This video has been around for a couple of years but it only just hit the eyes that matter: mine. It takes a special kind of maniac to be leading a superbike race and make the informed yet retarded decision to just launch a spot on the track in an effort to extend the lead just that much more. You know those Old Spice commercials where the football dude is doing push-ups with the jet ski on his back? Small potatoes. Read more »
I want to start here: let’s talk about how Zach Bell did not Tonya Harding the ever-loving shit out of his femur. When I saw the crash, I thought for sure he was going to be chair bound for a solid 4-6 months. When he stood up, I became confused, so I decided to conduct an experiment: just to gain a benchmark, I took a rubber mallet, and lightly hit myself in the hip. When I picked myself up from the reservoir of tears and agony, I took a second to gather my thoughts and try to understand how my modestly swung one pound hammer compared to Bell cannonballing to the grudgingly unforgiving Dallas soil. The results were inconclusive; I mean, this hammer was a really hard rubber.
On to the more pressing matter of Bell actually lining up and racing after this ill-fated attempt at showing the Wright Brothers how it is really done. Honestly, I thought for sure he was knocked out. And so did everyone else, so he definitely got checked out for it. He’s not going to win a championship, and everyone knows that (Deano won already), so he did not stand to lose anything by not racing except the uproariously reasonable $2500 in prize money. If he passed the concussion test, which he clearly did, then he just decided to savage the whole night away and just swing in real quick to race the LCQ and main. Oh, and I know you would never let your kid do that, and that is why your kid still rocks floaties in the shallow end and Zach Bell is probably busy throwing “your” next kid in your wife right now. Like. A. Boss. Read more »
The next time a wheelchair-bound senior citizen asks me to help them up a ramp or grab some sugar on the top shelf, I’m going to throw that shit in their eyes and scream “No! Doug goes up and down stairs on goddamn ropes, you lazy fuck!” I mean really, take that everyone who has ever felt too tired to do anything. We got Henry going up stairs and ripping shit up, and we got half the damn diabetes-ridden country suing McDonald’s because no one told them to stop at 40 Big Macs a week. Got to go run 20 miles now so I don’t feel like a lazy piece of shit myself.
You have to give it to this guy for going for it. XR80s and TTR100s on the line, revs up, but he needs to get to the slut on the other side handing out BJs for sips of beer. That’s why he did it, no question about it. Men, we understand it, a tap-in blowie is not something that comes around everyday, and when it does, the window of opportunity is usually a short one. Guy knew that waiting for that moto to start could have been the difference between explosive success and nursing a case of blue balls in his next moto. Have you ever ridden with blue balls? Indisputable proof of the existence of Satan, let me tell you. BRO’s all “Fuck that noise” and rips it. Like a boss.
P.S. Had he come through this without spilling his beer, chick would have been on her knees before the camera cut, done deal.
Sidecar swag on sidecar swag on sidecar swag. Interlaced as a motherfucker and still the hottest fire on the internet. The instant I clicked on this video, I figured there was something here. Before anything even came up on screen, I knew this was going to be epic. Most sidecar videos are lamer than dead guy boners but this one really stole the show. I literally fell out of my chair when I witnessed the freestyle maneuver at 1:16. Balls of steel on these motherfuckers. I feel like the secret of steeze in sidecar is all in the monkey, and this dude is the Barcia of sidecar monkeying. Setting up for turns off the side of that shit in the air like a boss, not giving a single fuck the whole time. It’s like they say, if you’re hot, you’re hot.
And since I know this question is going to come up, I will answer it now: Sidecar moto > quads.
For all of you not in the know, this is the new thing. I don’t know who started it, but I saw more than one BRO pulling this at Oakland. Basically, ff you aren’t setting your own holeshot device on the fly with your boot, then just get out of the way. Just roll up to the track and casually drop the front end down to practice a holeshot and you won the race before it even started. The other BROs on the line are chest bumping their handlebars while pulling the 1995 fender kiss while you are making chicks weak in the knees with your abundance of virile magnificence. Of course, this is again one of those instances where if you don’t do it with style, you are better off not doing it at all. It’s only cool if you look like you didn’t even want to do it, it just happened and you don’t care. You have to be fully committed to the Wooderson routine to pull this one off; just aloof as a motherfucker. (p.s. After watching the clip below, I am putting it out there that the finger sniff is coming back in 2012. BRO out)