Back to RTS with a vengeance! The youngbloods are throwing punches like Pacquiao out there. You pay for the whole seat, folks, but you only need the edge.
OK, so we have Adam Cianciarulo: basically red-headed motocross phenom. Short in stature, large in talent and sun block requirements. Then we have Jessy Nelson: certified ripper and holeshot master, missing his clutch-side thumb after a bad experience of not giving a fuck. Each a master of his craft, having overcome extreme adversity (Nelson for the thumb, AC for being perpetually 11 years old) to become a motocross star.
Now, the scrubs. AC’s is his from MOTO 5, and you can actually see the clip in the trailer for the film. Absolute hammer of a scrub. Jessy’s is from Straight Rhythm, and you can also see its twin brother in the video. Again, it’s an absolute hammer. Both off steep lips, one to the right, the other to the left. This one is almost too close to call, BROs…
Just a dope video (pun not intended but totally intended) to make your Friday run a little bit smoother. Thumbs up to this video and to Jessy Nelson, and if you didn’t get that reference, then you don’t think I’m as much of an asshole as the people that did. For real though, I like Jessy and he rips shit up for the cameras, because he cares about motocross.
Pre-race: Your odds of winning this race if your name isn’t Eli Tomac are about 50:1. But I love a longshot; let’s just say if Tyler Evans ever wins an SX championship, I am going to be a very rich man.
Holeshot: Canada tried to get on the WOWBoyz program, but AMA was not having it. Jessy Nelson rips yet another holeshot. Perhaps they’ll actually give him this one.
Lap 1: Davalos mans up the inside and takes the lead from Nelson.
Lap 3: Savatgy was running third but it was basically a 4th, because the guy behind him was Tomac.
Lap 3 (cont’d): “Tomac has got to get by Seely first, Seely’s riding pretty good.” It was Jessy Nelson. Unless there is some huge conspiracy around Nelson and Seely that I missed the meeting about.
Lap 4: Canada black flagged for no-strapping it with the helmet. There should be a savage rule that if you are still running full pace and doing that, you get to continue because you clearly haven’t given a fuck since the Clinton administration.
Lap 5: Davalos is crushing it this moto but ask me again after lap 6.
Lap 7: Marteen is still winning. My world view is rocked.
Lap 8: Roczen hits turn 3 after the triple like he has his own gravitational pull. So fast.
Lap 8 (cont’d): Tomac into the lead. All the bookies just sighed in relief.
Lap 9: Roczen around Nelson, almost destroys both of them making the move but just gets to the inside. Kein fickt gegeben (pop that into Google Translate).
Lap 11: Tomac crosses the bars up coming out of the whoops. It is such a subtle move to say “I am better than you and your woman knows it.”
Lap 13: Roczen has chopped 7 seconds from Davalos into nothing, but after that heat race crash, Martin is probably medicated like a goddamn pharmacy.
Lap 14: Roczen slams Davalos in the see you next Tuesday turn, but loses more out of the deal than anyone.
Lap 15: Roczen passes Davalos around the outside in the turn after the whoops. If Martin even knew what planet he was on at this point, he would have punted Roczen clear into next week.
Finish: Tomac easy styles it home. I call sand-bagging. He’s way too fast for the pros. Read more »
Pre-race: Tomac won this one when his name showed up on the entry list.
Holeshot: Jessy Nelson. Not Cole Seely (Seely was awarded the holeshot award after the race. That happened). Nelson then proceeds to gracefully swan dive into the face of a jump in the first rhythm. The judges give it a 9.5. That judge from China is a dick.
Lap 1: After all the carnage, it’s all Tomac.
Lap 2: Tomac hitting the huge quad. You have to seatbounce that thing so hard you risk your bowels evacuating every lap.
Lap 4: Christian Craig washes out. TLD boys are dropping like flies. Roczen currently running second in front of Stewart and Seely. Tomac has left the building.
Lap 5: The wisdom of RC (regarding Tomac)- “That throttle is either wide open, or it’s not.” I mean, really, that could not be more true.
Lap 7: Seely and Stewart going at it for 3rd. Then Anderson comes in out of nowhere. All of a sudden Malcolm’s all “The shit is going on here?” in 5th.
Lap 8: Best battle on the track is the battle for 6th. It goes Baker, Rattray, Leib, Sipes, Anstie, Cunningham, all in the same section. Not often you find yourself battling for 6th in 11th.
Lap 9: Baker and Rattray dicing it out, Leib capitalizes. Then Sipes dives in and just like that, Baker is cooked.
Lap 10: Leib and Anstie epic battling and every joe in the stands is all “Who the funk is that?” Actually that’s a lie. They are all too drunk to realize there is a moto going on.
Lap 11: Osborne in the mix now, right behind Leib. He’s tossing one footers all over the place so you know he is flowing like the wrong time of the month.
Lap 12: Fro (on the Leib/Osborne battle)- “If I remember correctly, these two came through the amateur system together.” Swing and a miss. They do say memory is the first thing to go.
Lap 14: Tomac crushing it. Get used to this.
Lap 15: Last lap. Mitch has snipers at the ready. You do not beat his team.
Finish: Tomac, Roczen, Seely. Guess the surprise factor was being saved for the 450s. Read more »
It has been floating around all week that Jessy Nelson would be skipping LL and doing the Barcia/Tomac and just showing up at Hangtown. Now it is o-fucking-fficial and I must say, I am intrigued. This kid has been on my radar since Loretta’s ’05 when he pretty much destroyed everyone in the 7-11 class, not unlike the way Mexican people destroy the taquitos at a real 7-11 like it’s a buffet. But then coming in to ’06 the dude lost his thumb (joe) and was all bent out of shape about it. Eventually he was all “Fuck thumbs” and got everything together again and now he is a certified ripper. Everyone has been telling me that he’s hauling the mail at the Cali tracks on the regular, so it will be interesting to see how he fares at H-town. I’m calling a definite top 15, with potential for a top 10 if he continues to not give a fuck, which a lot of riders have an issue with coming out of the amateurs.