Pre-race: Keys to the race – get a good start. Also keys to winning the lottery – get all the numbers right.
Holeshot: Baggett and Roczen pretty much are wheel to wheel. Baggett comes out in front because Mitch told him if he doesn’t start delivering, he’s going to slap his face off of his face.
Lap 1: Ken-doll’s scrubs on the over under are the best looking thing since boob jobs.
Lap 2: Baggett misses the rut after the second triple. Getting on that Joe life. Roczen eazily passes him. Barcia, meanwhile, was making out with the ground. Should be on that Taboo show.
Lap 4: Wharton all up on Baggett’s Koolaid now. Erin says he was not smiling all day.
Lap 5: Red flag is out. Roczen undoubtedly shouting German obscenities, sounds like Bjork fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger. I am also toying with the idea that GEICO is actually a front for the Mafia, and they run Supercross.
Lap 5 (cont’d): Just kidding, there’s no such thing as the Mafia.
Restart: Staggered start because if there is one thing moto needs more of, it’s NASCAR.
Holeshot?: Well, that was the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
Lap 6: Roczen got the start somehow.
Lap 7: Baggett drops back to 6th now. Like a boss.
Lap 8: Roczen ghost rides the whip because he does not give a fuck. Mulisha life or eat out a pencil sharpener, BRO. Wharton into the lead.
Lap 10: Wharton pulled out on Barcia, according to Jeff. One letter would have made a world of difference in that statement, and “n” and “f” are so close together on a keyboard.
Lap 11: No one is talking about Durham running 2nd. No fucks given.
Lap 12: Jake Canada is running in 5th. When did that happen?
Lap 15: Kelly Smith getting lapped by Barcia. Doesn’t move out of the way because as far as he’s concerned, everyone else can just figure out their way around him. Boss lifestyles.
Finish: Wharton takes the win. Did not see that one coming. Durham holds off Barcia like a boss. Time to party.