Unfortunately they don’t show opening ceremonies on the broadcast, because everyone who was not at Houston missed Davi Millsaps coming in to the first part of this video and bumping “Highway to the Dangerzone” for the whole goddamn stadium. It was one of the prouder moments of my life.
Shoutout to Miley Cyrus graphics kid, you can find him kicking the bike at the line at 1:06 like a boss. I will never call this kid by his name, he will forever be “Miley Cyrus graphics kid”. Killing it lately.
Pre-race: Ralph literally timing the end of his sentence with the gate drop. That’s an Emmy right there.
Holeshot: Barcia, Roczen, Wharton in the top 3. Kind of like that time they did it at every other race.
Lap 1: Roczen passes Barcia right before the finish. Perhaps we have a race.
Lap 2: Barcia hits the triple-triple in the rhythm section. No we do not ^.
Lap 3: Ralph taking us back to the start of the race to show us how things got “squirrelly early.” Emmy #2 for the night.
Lap 3 (cont’d): In the replay of the start, nothing says “What the fuck, BRO?” like Bogle’s body language after Stewart’s bike is latched on to him like an unemployed pregnant woman on welfare.
Lap 6: Baggett got some of the swag back, passing BROs left and right. Gets around Wharton for 3rd.
Lap 7: The strategy in the last whoop section is basically huck it as far in as you can and hope you don’t get bucked into another time zone. Like a boss.
Lap 8: Baggett all over Roczen like an illegal immigrant on a dry pair of shoes. Nailed it.
Lap 10: Cueball Killer getting some TV time. I still have no idea who that kid is. Making mains like a boss.
Lap 11: Baggett fucks up the rhythm and doesn’t triple through. That very likely cost him a win in this race.
Lap 12: Roczen messes up the rhythm too, but Baggett isn’t sensing the blood in the water. Looks like a lion in the zoo with a Xanax problem.
Lap 12 (cont’d): Ralph literally said “Baggett can smell the blood in the water” 5 seconds after I wrote that. Again Ralph, I am right and you are wrong.
Lap 14: Barcia hitting the lap traffic hard. Cue the Jaws theme music…
Lap 15: This all happens. Ken-doll makes the casual move around and suddenly is swarmed with thoughts of “Don’t fuck up, you joe”.
Finish: Roczen takes his first real win in SX because everyone is too hungover for Vegas to count anyway.
Post-race: Roczen golf claps Barcia, hard as fuck.
Pre-race: Erin chatting it up with Rickie Fowler, who is way smarter than everyone on the line. Golf sluts are the best sluts as long as you keep them quiet, just ask Tiger.
Holeshot: Millsaps and Villopoto are bar to bar, so that essentially means that Villopoto got it and we can all go home.
Lap 1: Not even kidding when I say that I forgot that James was in this race. He’s coming for that 72, just you wait. Running 12th like a boss.
Lap 2: Kiniry and Joelessi running 3rd and 4th. Weimer is feeling good about his chances in 5th.
Lap 3: Weimer into 3rd. His good feelings were justified.
Lap 4: Kyle Regal giving James Stewart the business, James retaliates with a quick lesson in business ethics: Don’t pass me, BRO. Regal hits the dirt.
Lap 7: James eats shit in the rhythm. To quote the tweet of the night by @tmon3yy – Tonight karma was spelled k-y-l-e.
Lap 9: Villopoto just thinking what he can spend this championship bonus on. Probably nothing. We don’t want to get too fancy.
Lap 10: Time to take a break and rank the Monster girls – I’m going with 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 2. Stamp it.
Lap 15: Ralph breaking down everything that Villopoto has won. It basically all starts with “Monster Energy”. I call a fix. The Monster Mafia has connections. Dungey broke his collarbone in a practice crash? More like Tony Soprano was practicing his golf swing on Ryan’s shoulder. With a lead pipe.
Lap 18: Millsaps running an eazy 2nd this whole race. He is also the only guy still tripling in after the start straight. Like a boss.
Lap 20: Nothing happening the last half of this race. I don’t think there was a pass on the track. Villopoto wins the championship, fan-fucking-tastic, can we go outside yet?
Finish: Villopoto wins it, lays the bike down to celebrate. So BRO, just a step below ghost riding. Gravy Millsaps gets second and Weim-Time takes 3rd. Those are not even relevant nicknames beyond rhyming, but I don’t give a fuck.
CENTERVILLE, Miss. — GEICO Honda rider Kevin Windham will miss the rest of the Supercross season after suffering several injuries during a crash Saturday in Houston. Attempting to qualify for the ,ain event, Windham was in a pitched battle with James Stewart during a heat race when he came off his CRF450 at a high rate of speed. As a result of the accident, Windham dislocated his right shoulder and sustained damage to his left wrist, left thumb and right hip. Full PR here.
This is a tough pill to swallow. What’s even worse is that I knew this was coming, like when the bully in school tells you in the morning he is going to beat you up at lunch, so you just get to sit there all day and wait in terror, but not without the glimmer of hope that he may forget. That’s what makes it the worst, the hope and the inevitable crushing of that hope.
Usually I would just make a joke like “Windham was simply hitting the ground to rattle the Earth just enough to divert water into a famished wasteland village in Uganda”, but I don’t think I could even think of such a scenario right now. Fact is that now even Windham is out for the last four races. No transfers, no more “Your Love” making the whole crowd stand up at attention more than any race the entire night, and all the more fucks given by the clowns who need not even look that which is Windham in the face.
The good thing is that we know that K-Dub will be back. He showed this season that he is easily as valuable a rider to any sponsor as a Villopoto or a Dungey. Dude is a PR person’s wet dream; the art of swag indeed. So here’s to you, K-Dub, and everyone had better be bumping this song all day at NOLA.
Everyone has been asking when the post on Barcia is going up, so I guess here it is. Obviously, we all know what happened. What I saw was Justin pass Vincent, then cut from the inside to the outside and Lance was jumping the opposite, inside to outside. If you watch the footage again, Justin checks to see if Lance is close, but obviously his periph was not enough to realize that Lance was actually too close. I don’t really feel like writing too much about this so I’m just going to pull a move out of high school and bullet point this shit to save some time:
Houston is opening up right now, so I am keeping this short. Hashtag it BROs #HoustonBRO
This is one of those parts about living on the East Coast that sucks. A little late night news action and you miss it when all the Cali BROs are pretty much just getting home from work and they get the 411. I mean, BROs should be going in all night, that is part of being a mogul, but I slipped up. It happens to the best of BROs.
So James is in this weekend and keeping his title hopes alive, even though the only shot he’s got at it is if Villopoto gets bird flu or some other hotshot new disease. Bird flu is pretty 2 years ago so I am not sure that we can count on that. Maybe like a rapidly occurring HIV or something, that seems like something of a designer illness; all the celebs have super HIV, it is so chic. But I digress; Villopoto still has this thing wrapped up, and to be honest what I am most interested in seeing is if Brayton thinks he has anything for James. People are talking JB up since he has finished behind Villopoto in the past couple of rounds, but I again say that I think Villopoto was just keeping the afterburners cool for when his legitimate competition returns. Stewart is definitely faster than Brayton but if he does not rip a start, he could potentially be looking down the barrel of a swagger shotgun compliments of JB.
