I copied the video title because frankly, it was perfect. I mean, on the infinite list of things you do not want to bring to a tractor fight, dirtbike is certainly a bullet point. A CRF250 vs. a John Deere is never going to wind up advantage dirtbike. I even loved the video description – like watching a bug hit the windshield. Dude, get out of my head. That is exactly what it was like! But hey BRO, you run no bar pad. Everyone knows that guys who run no bar pad perform Satanic rituals in their mom’s basement. Jesus sent that tractor right into your line. He’s a character, that Jesus. Read more »
The video may have been on the wrong end of terrible, but goddamn if that wasn’t a graceful fall. I mean just look at the screenshot; that’s straight natural ability if I’ve ever seen it. Thank christ the guy’s shadow is visible so we get to experience the masterpiece as it’s meant to be experienced: from a computer screen while he’s in the ER getting shards of pelvis removed from his intestines.
The next time a wheelchair-bound senior citizen asks me to help them up a ramp or grab some sugar on the top shelf, I’m going to throw that shit in their eyes and scream “No! Doug goes up and down stairs on goddamn ropes, you lazy fuck!” I mean really, take that everyone who has ever felt too tired to do anything. We got Henry going up stairs and ripping shit up, and we got half the damn diabetes-ridden country suing McDonald’s because no one told them to stop at 40 Big Macs a week. Got to go run 20 miles now so I don’t feel like a lazy piece of shit myself.
I posted a video of this kid on this track almost a year ago, but this one has just popped up on the YouTube and I’m pretty sure it’s a thousand times better. Just once I’d like to be in this situation: I’m cruising along on some shitty trails, wondering why I do this to myself, when oh wait, it’s a sick fucking track. Awesome, let’s all go do big whips and drink rainbow gumdrops and sing songs with Jesus and Santa Claus. But that never happens. Apparently it does in the back woods of east bumfuck Euro edition, but not here. Why must existence torment me so?
It’s a GoPro, but as long as we can see the fender, it counts. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being curious about seeing riders on new bikes. Always did it as a kid and probably won’t ever stop. I don’t know why it’s so special, it just is. Perhaps all those meathead football BROs are right and moto really is so boring that it’s exciting to see a rider on a different color. Regardless, it’s always a mind blower to see a dude on a different bike.
How’s the kid on the 250 feeling after whiffing the rhythm section? Almost wrapped up himself and Millsaps. Davi just floats him the look over on the triple just to say “Don’t. Stop it.”
Have you ever seen a more obvious attempt at insurance fraud? Fucking deer could not have been more blunt about it. We get it BRO, you are sick of doing deer things and frolicking in the woods and getting shot by hunters and you just want to sit on the couch and play video games. Sucks to suck. You don’t go throwing yourself in front of KTM joyriders, especially when there is a camera involved. The lawyers will be up your ass before you can say “Deer can’t talk.”
Talking to the KTM BROs now, is this what you guys deal with on the regular? This dude just got up and went about everything like it was a part of his day, not giving a fuck the whole time. When you take a KTM out of its natural element in the woods, does nature literally come hunt you down and hit you in the face like that?
Everyone is raving about this video right now, just totally up its ass. People hitting the ground left and right, low visors, black backgrounds, the full nervous novice experience. It’s no joke that racing a C moto might be one of the top 10 most dangerous things a person can do. Those guys see a rut and it’s like watching an infant try to swim or a quad rider try to do math – they have no idea what to do or what’s happening and in the end they are going to hurt themselves. Of course, the crux of the whole video is when Joey White Honda skidmarks himself literally feet from the finish line, then in a heroic, last ditch attempt to salvage whatever 250C points he can, picks the bike up and sends it down to Davey Jones’ locker and proceeds to flip the fuck out. Hey BRO, it goes with the territory. Falling just 3-beers-piss distance before the finish is not enough; sooner or later, that bike is going in the water.
P.S. I would have been laughing my balls off if I was the dude waving the checkered flag. Guy has a front row seat for all of the festivities and does not do a thing about it. Like a boss.
I noticed in the video description that the dude is not very proud of this, but I think he is way off base with that sentiment. Casing medium sized triples then whiskey throttling your shit through a fence that’s a mile away is the boss lifestyle eight days a week. When you are running a CR250 with a tramp stamp on the front number plate, it’s pretty much in the job description.
I was so excited when I heard that a fan ran on the track in front of Stewart that I actually had to remind myself to breathe again. I’m not sure any bit of news has ever been so ripe with potential. There was so much going on in my head that I was getting a little dizzy. More so questions than anything. Who was the guy? Why didn’t they red flag the moto? How much did Dungey pay him? Was it the cop he pulled over getting revenge?
But then I saw the footage, and my excitement was shoved aside by extreme disappointment. I was literally picturing a guy running in front of James, probably in a KTM trench coat, and just doing a Superman pose in the middle of the track. Seeing some dude run across the track miles away from James or his line was not what I was hoping to see. I mean, come on BRO. Distraction or not, the guy wasn’t even close. I very rarely agree with the minds of the baby boomer generation when it comes to matters of moto, but this is one of those times when I wish I could say “Back in my day, we had people crossing the track in 8 different directions every damn lap, and we thanked each and every one of them who didn’t throw broken beer bottles at us.” I heard a few people saying the guy was standing in his line, but watch the footage, James was heading straight for the line he hit. No way he was making it to the inside with all those ruts. Fact is, James fell and saw the opportunity to use a scapegoat. I don’t blame him at all; this is America – where “that guy” is always fucking up our perfect record of never doing anything wrong. I mean, I have literally never had a crash that was my fault. True story.
Am I saying the guy is not an idiot? Nope. I mean, it’s like two laps into the race, the pack is still pretty condensed, which means there is plenty of time when the course is clear, and you decide to cross the track when the leaders are coming around? The man is obviously short bus material. He probably has no idea that he did anything wrong, like a pedophile who gets caught masturbating in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. But to entirely blame James’ crash on him is fucking stupid.
If you like James Stewart, then the GoPro BROs have been busting out some joints for you over the past week. But this one is totally fresh, because this time, there’s dubstep. Whomping you in the face. We also get some of Millsaps’ footy in the mix, but only when he’s right behind James. You know you are a boss when sponsors hook up a guy just because he’s behind you. He’s Monica Lewinsky to Stewie’s Bill Clinton.
You’ll find the Joelessi bonzai at about 2:50. When in doubt, take ‘em out.