Unadilla is this weekend, and for some reason I always think of this race as the old school of old school moto races. Old people piss me off all the time. Like, what the fuck are they thinking? I can’t tell you how annoying it is to talk to guys who raced back in the day, like in my dad’s time. Nonetheless, those dual shock, drum brake motherfuckers paved the way for moto, and before things got horribly sidetracked by corporate bullshit and PR departments, those guys were real fucking bosses. Here are a few reasons that motocross was way gnarlier in the ’70s.
They smoked cigs and drank beer on race day
Seriously, what would shut a competitor down more than ripping a butt and crushing a brew in their face right before you went out and made their whole family hate them by ruining everyone in the moto? That used to happen. In fact, it is widely known that Joel Robert, who was an absolute boss in the late 60s, once put a cigarette out on a competitor’s barpad on the line for a moto. And, in another instance of alpha male dominance, Robert once stopped mid-moto to get a beer, then proceeded to drink the beer and go back to his bike and still won the race. Um, yeah, until anyone else does that, I think the claim to greatest rider of all time cannot be touched.
Grabbing the trophy girl’s ass was entirely acceptable
I don’t even want to discuss how out of line America has become these days. Like, try this today as a rider and you could seriously be looking at the end of your career. Complete bullshit. We live in a world where girls hope that superstars do something like this just so they can sue them. Shaking my head for those poor, desperate slunts. Back in even the late 80s, a rider was always rewarded with a nice trophy and a healthy ass grab, as if to say “You’d might be the lucky girl who is making my sandwiches tonight.” And at that possibility, the girls were delighted. Not to mention the fact that since it is literally their career now, the girls are just ass for days. I seriously don’t know how dudes resist when they get up on the box after a moto. I would literally have to have my hands on my head. On my actual head.
If your rental car made the whole weekend in one piece, you failed
We all remember the J-Law fiasco back in ’08. It was a big thing and everyone was pissed about it. What people seem to forget is that riders in the ’90s used to make it a point to destroy rental cars, just because they could and it was funny. Yeah, you might have had a race win or two, but you did not earn your stripes until you sent an unmanned Ford Taurus into a grocery store then ran away laughing hysterically at how dead the dumbass people standing in front of the car are now. It was truly a time of no fucks given.
If you weren’t fully business in the front and raging party in the back in those days, there is absolutely no way you got pussy. None whatsoever.