Tag Archives: dianna dahlgren

4 Reasons Moto Used To Be Way More Badass

Unadilla is this weekend, and for some reason I always think of this race as the old school of old school moto races. Old people piss me off all the time. Like, what the fuck are they thinking? I can’t tell you how annoying it is to talk to guys who raced back in the day, like in my dad’s time. Nonetheless, those dual shock, drum brake motherfuckers paved the way for moto, and before things got horribly sidetracked by corporate bullshit and PR departments, those guys were real fucking bosses. Here are a few reasons that motocross was way gnarlier in the ’70s.

They smoked cigs and drank beer on race day

Pre-moto routine. Fuck your protein shake

Seriously, what would shut a competitor down more than ripping a butt and crushing a brew in their face right before you went out and made their whole family hate them by ruining everyone in the moto? That used to happen. In fact, it is widely known that Joel Robert, who was an absolute boss in the late 60s, once put a cigarette out on a competitor’s barpad on the line for a moto. And, in another instance of alpha male dominance, Robert once stopped mid-moto to get a beer, then proceeded to drink the beer and go back to his bike and still won the race. Um, yeah, until anyone else does that, I think the claim to greatest rider of all time cannot be touched.

Grabbing the trophy girl’s ass was entirely acceptable

If only it were 1978...

I don’t even want to discuss how out of line America has become these days. Like, try this today as a rider and you could seriously be looking at the end of your career. Complete bullshit. We live in a world where girls hope that superstars do something like this just so they can sue them. Shaking my head for those poor, desperate slunts. Back in even the late 80s, a rider was always rewarded with a nice trophy and a healthy ass grab, as if to say “You’d might be the lucky girl who is making my sandwiches tonight.” And at that possibility, the girls were delighted. Not to mention the fact that since it is literally their career now, the girls are just ass for days. I seriously don’t know how dudes resist when they get up on the box after a moto. I would literally have to have my hands on my head. On my actual head.

If your rental car made the whole weekend in one piece, you failed

Success

We all remember the J-Law fiasco back in ’08. It was a big thing and everyone was pissed about it. What people seem to forget is that riders in the ’90s used to make it a point to destroy rental cars, just because they could and it was funny. Yeah, you might have had a race win or two, but you did not earn your stripes until you sent an unmanned Ford Taurus into a grocery store then ran away laughing hysterically at how dead the dumbass people standing in front of the car are now. It was truly a time of no fucks given.

Mullets

Flow for days

If you weren’t fully business in the front and raging party in the back in those days, there is absolutely no way you got pussy. None whatsoever.

 

 

 

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Caption Contest Time – Dianna’s #1 Fan

Caption Contest Dianna DahlgrenAh, to be young and able to get away with blatant sexual harassment. Even still though, this kid has some fucking balls. Just absolutely going for it right down to the I Love Boobies shirt, no fucks given. Index finger is even trying to squeak in a nip flick. You can’t teach that, kid was born a champion. Dianna is clearly having fun with it so I say let it ride, BRO.

Thanks to Tyler for the pic

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Battle Of The Century – Miss SX Dianna Dahlgren vs. Miss SX UK Katy Bullock. Who Ya Got?

Miss SX Showdown

Goddamn redcoats. I think we have the battle of the year on our hands here. Forget the top 4 in SX, this is a battle of nations, of continents, and of dime-piece moto chicks. Miss SX Dianna Dahlgren head to head with Miss British SX Katy Bullock. Obviously, Dianna trumps Katy in overall impact on the sport. No one cares about British SX, in fact I am still not convinced that it actually exists beyond people riding motorcycles around London or something. You can form a solid metric for this category in Twitter followers, where Dianna is crushing Katy.

UK is making up heavy points on the voice, though. I did not hear her say “sweetie” once, which if you have ever been to a Supercross you know Dianna says to everyone like a greeter at a sexy Wal-Mart. Katy was apparently on the X Factor, which is a singing show? A girl with a good singing voice and a British accent is always earning points in my book. Looks department is really key here – you have Dianna, the all-American blonde “melt your dick with the bat of an eyelash” look, and Katy, everyone’s favorite girl-next-door with whom to spend an afternoon with the binoculars and a gallon of lotion. Body-wise, you have to give it to Dianna, but there is something to be said for the all-around attractiveness that Katy has going on. Katy also rides, which I am pretty sure Dianna does not do. Do I care? Not really, as long as a girl has some grasp of what is going on in a race, she is good to go for me. We also must factor in the epic drop in points for Katy in running a Husqvarna jersey even while riding a Honda. What kind of a sick monster does that?

It is a serious toss up for me. Looks-wise, it is definitely Dianna. Least annoying-wise, I think I would tip it toward Katy. I am going to need quite a few Excedrin after tackling this quandary.

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