Tag Archives: darryn durham

New Orleans For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: RC commenting on the seashells in the dirt. Those probably go well with the oil and chunks of non-flood retardant houses that also make up the soil in NOLA.

Holeshot: Alex Martin rips it from the outside and just takes everyone’s pride and curbstomps it. Remember when Jeff said heavier dudes/bikes get better traction? Bullshit.

Lap 2: Durham into the lead, Barcia lets Stewart by for 3rd, clearly thinking championship. Ralph is baffled but that is not a surprise.

Lap 4: Martin got pushed out of the top 5 like a pageant girl who didn’t bang the judges. Now Stewart, Barcia, Baggett, Roczen, all behind Durham.

Lap 5: Literally as Carmichael is talking about how good Malcolm is doing tonight, he pulls the no footer in the whoops section. Always a bad decision, regardless of how few fucks are given.

Lap 7: Baggett and Roczen get past Barcia, who does not have one fuck to give about this race as long as he is in position to wrap up the ‘ship. Count on him treating lappers like they are made of nitro glycerin and the bird flu.

Lap 9: Durham jumping tuff blocks like a boss. Trying to knock that shit in front of the competition, 2 Fast 2 Furious style. Unfortunately it didn’t work and Baggett is actin’ a fool right on his ass now.

Lap 13: Durham pulled back away from Baggett, still jumping the tuff blocks in front of the triple. No fucks given.

Lap 14: I think Durham is technically cutting the track every lap, but even the AMA knows when to fuck off and let it be sometimes.

Lap 15: Baggett all up in Durham’s grillmix. Durham is just all “Christ Blake, don’t you have some offs to fuck?” [Two "fuck off" jokes in two laps. Like a boss.]

Finish: DD wins it over BB. Bogle gets a third, undoubtedly doing one footers and tear off throws for the kids. Barcia wraps up the title with a fourth and Roczen arm pumps his way across the line in fifth.

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Darryn Durham Is Leading The Charge Of The Youth Revolt In Moto

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

So DD won this weekend and he just got right down to business, as you can see in this pic. Such a savage mother fucker. You have to love it when dudes like this win races, right? Are there any people out there that are bummed out when a guy who clearly got where he was by having fun and doing his thing wins? There cannot be, right? Like, I know that some people get pissed when Villopoto or Dungey win a race. But a dude like Durham or Windham, no one ever gets pissed when they win. I guess you can make the argument that since those guys don’t normally win, people are psyched when they do. But I am saying that instagraming pics of yourself going mouth to mouth on a shot of magic elixir with a heavy set black woman is a good fucking move, for yourself and the sport. I firmly believe that if moto stepped in that direction and riders just came out with stuff like this showing that they all really do party and live like animals that the industry would turn into a better environment for everyone. But it has to be all the riders, just one or two will not do the job. Consider this the call to action: All pros should start instagraming pictures of themselves committing acts of general debauchery, for the good of the sport. It is what the drunken fore fathers of moto would have wanted.

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Toronto For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on March 26, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: No one ever mentions the real key to the race: Don’t give a fuck.

Holeshot: Barcia gets the start but doesn’t triple in to the first rhythm like a Joe. Roczen does, and takes the lead. He didn’t give a fuck.

Lap 1: Ralph actually uses the term “lites bike” instead of 250. The voice of Supercross, indeed.

Lap 2: Roczen rhythming the left of the whoops, Barcia skimming the right. Both lines looked like shit.

Lap 3: Barcia passes Roczen. I initially thought he slammed him, but he barely made contact. Roczen just whiskey throttled himself way out of the line after Barcia hit him, feet off the pegs like a boss.

Lap 4: Wharton trying to pass Durham for 3rd, but DD is not having any of that shit. Probably 5 pass attempts this lap that Durham shuts down like a McDonald’s with an HIV problem.

Lap 4 (cont’d): Martin actually passed both Wharton and Durham for about 3 seconds before they both passed him back. Don’t see that every day.

Lap 5: DD washes the front end in the moon dust at the top of the berm then gets bitch slapped by the ass end of the bike. Mitch programs the PC bikes to do that.

Lap 6: Barcia gets all fuckabucked in the whoops. Fuckabuck or Huckafuck? Also late entry – huckabuckfucked. Who ya got?

Lap 8: Bowers and Martin completely running the joe show as they both manage to take each other out in 4th and 5th.

Lap 10: Jake Canada running in 4th now. All the Canadians are psyched until they find out that he’s from America. The fact that he’s doing well should have been a dead giveaway.

Lap 11: Why does everyone always fuck up what the MotoConcepts team rides? The 250 dudes ride Hondas, and the 450 dudes ride the short bus.

Lap 11 (cont’d): Durham passes Rife for 5th by basically getting underneath him and shooting him out of the way like one of those motorized pieces in a Hot Wheels track. Seriously, Mitch, the fuck is in those bikes? Baggett and Lemoine get tangled up in that clusterfuck.

Lap 14: Tommy Weeck running 7th, telling Lemoine to sit the fuck down with his passing attempt. Bogle getting into the mix, too.

Lap 15: Bogle and Weeck dicing it out. Tommy has never finished this well, so he’s basically prepared to launch the last berm back into America before he actually loses it on the last lap.

Finish: Barcia wins it, doing some burnouts for the BROs in the front row. Horns are flying everywhere. BRO. Roczen and Wharton in the top 3.

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Indy For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

Photo cred: @matrixconcepts on Instagram

Pre-race: Keys to the race – get a good start. Also keys to winning the lottery – get all the numbers right.

Holeshot: Baggett and Roczen pretty much are wheel to wheel. Baggett comes out in front because Mitch told him if he doesn’t start delivering, he’s going to slap his face off of his face.

Lap 1: Ken-doll’s scrubs on the over under are the best looking thing since boob jobs.

Lap 2: Baggett misses the rut after the second triple. Getting on that Joe life. Roczen eazily passes him. Barcia, meanwhile, was making out with the ground. Should be on that Taboo show.

Lap 4: Wharton all up on Baggett’s Koolaid now. Erin says he was not smiling all day.

Lap 5: Red flag is out. Roczen undoubtedly shouting German obscenities, sounds like Bjork fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger. I am also toying with the idea that GEICO is actually a front for the Mafia, and they run Supercross.

Lap 5 (cont’d): Just kidding, there’s no such thing as the Mafia.

Restart: Staggered start because if there is one thing moto needs more of, it’s NASCAR.

Holeshot?: Well, that was the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

Lap 6: Roczen got the start somehow.

Lap 7: Baggett drops back to 6th now. Like a boss.

Lap 8: Roczen ghost rides the whip because he does not give a fuck. Mulisha life or eat out a pencil sharpener, BRO. Wharton into the lead.

Lap 10: Wharton pulled out on Barcia, according to Jeff. One letter would have made a world of difference in that statement, and “n” and “f” are so close together on a keyboard.

Lap 11: No one is talking about Durham running 2nd. No fucks given.

Lap 12: Jake Canada is running in 5th. When did that happen?

Lap 15: Kelly Smith getting lapped by Barcia. Doesn’t move out of the way because as far as he’s concerned, everyone else can just figure out their way around him. Boss lifestyles.

Finish: Wharton takes the win. Did not see that one coming. Durham holds off Barcia like a boss. Time to party.

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Daytona For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on March 13, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

Pre-race: The inside gate is blocked because it produces too many holeshots. Also just noticed the Daytona sign behind the gate looks like that chick from Hall Pass got the hershey squirts all over it.

Holeshot: Barcia and Wharton dice it out for a second before Wharton realizes he’s on the outside and this track has fewer lines than Ryan Dungey has ever snorted. That is a huge assumption, though. Maybe Dungey rips lines 24/7, far be it from me to know that one.

Lap 1: Everyone going through the rollers is thinking that not qualifying probably would have been the way to go this week.

Lap 3: Wharton and Roczen going at it again for 3rd. Bieber vs. Slash.

Lap 4: Once again, the “Pass of the Race” is shown on lap 4 as Roczen passes Wharton. Someone at Speed blows his load too early every time, doesn’t he?

Lap 5: Most of the BROs are running a sand tire out there. You would catch me with a fucking conveyer belt on the back wheel. It’s against the rules, but just try and fuck with me, BRO. See what happens.

Lap 5 (cont’d): Bogle’s bike is literally sunk halfway into the mud. There is nothing fun about motocross.

Lap 6: Baggett goes down coming out of a turn. Joe.

Lap 7: Wharton gets some TV time singling through the entire rhythm section. Running in 5th. Like a boss.

Lap 8: Peeping Gibson’s fall now. Just tossing the bike and not giving a fuck about it.

Lap 9: Alex Martin goes down, and everyone could tell who it was instantly just by how bad he was struggling to get on the bike.

Lap 9 (cont’d): Durham gets by Roczen and immediately pulls away, leaving Ken-doll to search for his own pride in the mud.

Lap 11: Baggett is catching Barcia like it’s nobody’s business. His stuff is kicking in. We got another “broken condom” moto on our hands (i.e. All of a sudden, it feels awesome).

Lap 12: Baggett is right fucking there. Barcia almost bites it but somehow Mortal Kombats the bike back into position and stays up.

Finish: Barcia holds off Baggett, who failed to pull the trigger in the last turn like a Joey. Durham gets 3rd overall, but 1st if you only count BROs.

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Volcom’s Backstage With Darryn Durham

Posted on February 29, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

I think it’s unfortunate that DD is afraid that he would get fired for doing burnouts at punk rock concerts, because I think Mitch would be down as fuck with that. I feel like Mitch parties. I mean, I know he goes in after the races because I have seen him at the bar, but I feel like he can legitimately hang, more so than any other old guy (aside: old = over 30). Everyone knows that the only way to handle being as intense of a person as Mitch is to unwind after a tough day with enough party favors to drop a charging Lindsey Lohan. I’m not saying that Mitch blows coke with strippers while doing wheelies in his wheelchair and singing “Rock You Like A Hurricane”, I’m just saying I hope that is the kind of guy he is. Party on, Mitch.

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Dallas For Assholes: 250 Breakdown

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

250 Supercross Lites Dallas

Pre race - Ralph doing his best to name drop, but since every rider is not named James Stewart, he is having a bit of trouble. The solid pause between each name is a dead giveaway that he is having to read them off the screen.

Holeshot – Durham rips it, and lives up to the rule of when you go to Pro Circuit, you have to be a boss. Good thing because Baggett ate shit in the first rhythm, along with Lemoine and Cunningham who did a faceplant for the history books.

Lap 1 – Wharton passes Durham, then gets his shit rocked like he did about four times in the heat race. Bitches get stitches, BRO.

Lap 2 – Bogle into second, pulls the tear-off throw over the finish line. Like a managing partner in a strongly rated firm.

Lap 2 (cont’d) – Emig says “Float the valves.” Ralph assumes that was a foreign language because there is no way he could understand it.

Lap 4 - Barcia pushes Bogle out of the way like a South Carolina woman at a KFC on two-for-one bucket day. Bogle to third, with Kenny Roc all up in his face.

Lap 7 – Bogle back around Barcia, but he lets him by in the whoops because he knows that Larocco will send him to the gimp cage if he fucks up Barcia’s race flow.

Lap 9 – Barcia passes Durham for the lead, throws a little fishtail steeze into DD’s front end just to put a stamp on it.

Lap 11 – Ken-doll passes Bogle, Stewart tries to follow suit and dive bombs himself right into Bogle and his bike swallows JB’s leg. Bogle is totally KTM bullshit at this point and gives Malcolm the open handed slap to the dome like a boss.

Lap 13 – Nicoletti running in 4th, representing for the Northeast. Unfortunately, he is from the dirty asshole of the Northeast: New York. Wharton ready to get in his shit.

Lap 15 - Barcia laps Baggett for the second time this moto. As he passed, he may or may not have told Blake to have his girl give Justin a call. Head. Games.

Finish – Barcia, Durham beats Roczen by about a wheel for second. Wharton 4th, Nicoletti 5th.

Post race – Stewart is staring at the wall. He most likely just peed his pants. GOO! Don’t worry, Malcolm, I got this. You ain’t cool, unless you pee your pants.

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MotoLimelight Visits Starwest ft. Durham, Laninovich, Anstie

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Eazy | Permalink

DS164 has been continuing the BROCal adventure without me this week, and, as you can see, is not really missing a beat without the leadership of his fearless captain with this vid from Starwest. He told me I was not going to like this video because he was using a Sam Adams song. As usual, I thought he used the song well. That kid always does this, takes a song I don’t like and makes a dope video out of it. I will not download this song. I will not download this song….

Speaking of Sam Adams, in Cali at a Chile’s, DS164 left my number on a receipt for our waitress and labeled it as “Boston’s Boy”. He honestly thought for sure she would be calling. She did not. That never works.

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Darryn Durham Injury Update – He’s Golden

Posted on November 17, 2011 by Eazy | Permalink

I got several e-mails and tweets and shit about Durham breaking his wrist. Here is the first thing that everyone needs to understand: I obviously already knew about that. This is BROtocross, I knew about that shit before it even happened. Not that I don’t love it when people send me stories, but come one folks, let’s use a touch of judgment here.

Second, Durham is going to be fine. People are sending me shit like “There goes the PC ride” and all this nonsense. Please, it’s a fractured wrist. I fractured my wrist this morning on purpose because I was bored. DD is looking pristine for supercross. Race east coast like a boss and just run shit, that’s the plan. And if you think he will not get back up to pace, I remind you that Durham got hurt like five times last year and came back fast every race. And that was when he pitted out of a box van and went through 101 Things To Do With Ramen Noodles so much he got to the weird part at the end where you aren’t even eating them anymore.