A little background needs to be disclosed before I start in on this: People send in crash videos all the time, and in so, SO many of them, the video editor feels the need to throw in a slow-mo replay after the crash occurs, like John Madden’s fat ass is going to try to grunt out a few insider analytical points for the fans. It is almost universally a terrible decision, because it ruins whatever effect the original shot had. The art of the crash video is almost always in shock value – make me say “Holy shit!” and it is a good one. This video is an exception. I was pretty unimpressed with my first viewing, and was ready to close it out when I decided to watch the slow-mo and saw Suzuki kid fly over about half the field while Kawi kid got bulldozed by his KXF. I have since watched it about 10 times trying to figure out how all of it happened, and I honestly cannot. This might be some Twilight level shit, vampires flying around and everything. I will keep the data flowing and try to come out with an answer in this conundrum. Read more »
Listen, we all may hate quads, but part of being a champion is knowing your and your opponent’s strengths and weaknesses. Like if you are being chased by a guy on a quad, just turn around quickly and that’s it, he’s all done. But this, don’t ever do this. You will never win in a head on battle with a quad, it just cannot happen. It’s like David vs. Goliath, if Goliath had whatever sweet-ass yellow and blue number this guy has. While Kawi BRO’s kamikaze approach is commendable, it was fucked since Jump Street. The dunes are practically a quad’s natural habitat, anyway. Those things run the shit out of the orange flag steeze.
So this photo is making the rounds today; Julien Lieber’s Suzuki in about the same shape you’d picture a big wheel after being run over by a cement truck. I saw the photo and immediately hit the YouTube in search of the video, because surely the crash had to be one for the highlight reel. Turns out the Lieber’s crash was nothing, and that this Butron guy just took care of business out there. Anyone who knows anything will tell you that flagger incompetence increases ten fold when in Europe (they are distracted by all the cigarettes and freaky sex parties happening all over the place). But this guy torpedoes the bike and then gets up like “It’s fine, did I even hit anything?”, only to leave a trail of bikes that look like they went through a paint mixer with an active grenade. Those Spaniards do love the bullfighting, that’s probably how this guy trains.
A lot of people send in crash videos every day, and usually it is just them swapping out and hitting their ugly face on the ground or something even less awe inspiring. Look at this video; let this be a benchmark for all crash videos submitted from here on out. If you didn’t whiskey throttle it over a berm and practically set off alarms in Hiroshima when you almost landed in the goddamn highway, do not send it in. This is how the pros do it, and this is now how the BROs do it. I had little faith in this video after the first 5 seconds. But judging from the length of the video and the berm the guy is approaching, things may take a drastic turn to hilarious town quite soon…
The Jack Daniels wheelie into the berm is a good sign.
Cheater line, much? Regardless, Snapchat that photo, BRO.
This guy literally crashed all the way to the bank. Hashtag got ‘em.
In an incredible plot twist, it turns out that was Arnold Schwarzenegger the whole time. No wonder he launched the berm. Arnold is always getting into crazy shit like that.
I have been getting this video sent in from every angle today. I knew it was going to be a doozie right from the get-go when the kid got left behind by the crew. Anyone who has ever been stuck in the frantic struggle of trying to start your bike while the boys leave you in the dust knows where I am coming from. It’s like all those times you have a dream about being late for your moto only to find out that your forgot all of your gear in the truck; it’s just awful. So then homeboy gets rolling and is trying to catch up, and with the Grand Canyon to his left, I suspected some seriously amazing footage. Maybe flying off the cliff, Thelma and Louise style, in a hail of bad assery and jagged rocks. But then the crash happened. I cannot say that I was overly impressed. My world of anticipation for a crash that would make Evel Knievel feel like a huge bitch came to a swift and less-than-boneriffic halt. Then I saw the aftermath of the crash, sent in from the star of the show, I believe. Be warned, I puked out of every orifice in my body when I saw this. The photo came with this message: Here is the end result of the crash. ended up with compartment syndrome, and three hours away from amputation… http://brotocross.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/deathleg.jpgRead more »
I copied the video title because frankly, it was perfect. I mean, on the infinite list of things you do not want to bring to a tractor fight, dirtbike is certainly a bullet point. A CRF250 vs. a John Deere is never going to wind up advantage dirtbike. I even loved the video description – like watching a bug hit the windshield. Dude, get out of my head. That is exactly what it was like! But hey BRO, you run no bar pad. Everyone knows that guys who run no bar pad perform Satanic rituals in their mom’s basement. Jesus sent that tractor right into your line. He’s a character, that Jesus. Read more »
Sometimes, NFG is not your friend. That’s the beauty and the fault of the lifestyle. You know this dude’s conscience was all “Listen chief, let’s take a couple of test runs here. This gap is mellow, we can afford to half throttle it a couple of times.” His response was obviously “Pipe down, conscience. You’re practically science. Nerd.” And then he went and hit it.
Fun fact about this one: this is the same race where the kids got into the fight and homeboy hurled his helmet at the other dude. Talk about getting your money’s worth. I mean, helmet fight would have been enough, but now I have guys jumping off course and into the stands? Please, take all of the money. But I suppose this is what happens when you try to squeeze out one more lane of bar banging action. There will be blood.
P.S. Ok, literally as I am about to hit publish on this, a reader sent another video from this same race of a guy jumping into the stands on that same jump. Safe to say that those seats will be premium pricing next year. Everyone wants a souvenir shin bone. This vid’s only on Facebook as far as I know: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4327958079892Read more »
This one just swooped in over the weekend and the industry is abuzz. Helmet throwing fights tend to do that to people. There is so much more to appreciate in this video, though; the huckabuck across the lane to the head on collision with the unsuspecting angry kid was a goodie in an of itself. But then he does his best to walk it off and count to ten without having a temper control incident, but just like when your woman burns the meatloaf, sometimes violence is the answer.
By the way, how fired is the photo guy missing all of this? Like hello, BRO, you have a DOT-approved game of dodgeball happening right behind you but you refuse to stray from that glimmering example of moto that is the 15ft table? Rookie maneuver, dude.
I want to start here: let’s talk about how Zach Bell did not Tonya Harding the ever-loving shit out of his femur. When I saw the crash, I thought for sure he was going to be chair bound for a solid 4-6 months. When he stood up, I became confused, so I decided to conduct an experiment: just to gain a benchmark, I took a rubber mallet, and lightly hit myself in the hip. When I picked myself up from the reservoir of tears and agony, I took a second to gather my thoughts and try to understand how my modestly swung one pound hammer compared to Bell cannonballing to the grudgingly unforgiving Dallas soil. The results were inconclusive; I mean, this hammer was a really hard rubber.
On to the more pressing matter of Bell actually lining up and racing after this ill-fated attempt at showing the Wright Brothers how it is really done. Honestly, I thought for sure he was knocked out. And so did everyone else, so he definitely got checked out for it. He’s not going to win a championship, and everyone knows that (Deano won already), so he did not stand to lose anything by not racing except the uproariously reasonable $2500 in prize money. If he passed the concussion test, which he clearly did, then he just decided to savage the whole night away and just swing in real quick to race the LCQ and main. Oh, and I know you would never let your kid do that, and that is why your kid still rocks floaties in the shallow end and Zach Bell is probably busy throwing “your” next kid in your wife right now. Like. A. Boss. Read more »