Now, I don’t speak French, but I am 95% sure this dude converted to English when Weimer crashed. Goes from perfectly incomprehensible Euro jabber to a very coherent “Oh shit!” just like that. Weimer wound up winning the race anyway, and no one cares about the fastest lap except nerds. Although, Tomac was going fast as fuck. He could pull so many chicks in France if he wanted to after this lap, but he probably just went to bed early and pounded out 500 miles uphill on the road bike in the morning while also preparing his tax forms for the end of the fiscal year.
They say all reigns must come to an end. I say bullshit. USA is still number one. When you have one event a year, there are bound to be results that deviate from the average. It’s like the Super Bowl; do you really think the Giants were better than the Pats last year? Euros will take this one and embrace it all year because they have nothing else, they are Moe’s to our Chipotle. When push comes to shove, who’s standing on top?
This year’s event was designed for the US to fail. The FIM literally had to construct a race for us to lose, and it happened to work out. Herlings even said the track was “shit” and that coming into it having never raced on it before would be next to impossible. Then the vast majority of the track was closed before the race to ensure that none of the Americans have ever turned a full lap there. Just look at the evidence: Roczen worked Dungey and Barcia. He was on a 250F. You cannot ride a 250F in the sand as fast as a 450, unless you have more than a few tricks up your tight, dragon-laden European sleeve. That track is home field advantage to the 10s, and since Europe is the size of my backyard, all of the Euros were collectively sharing in it.
All things considered, the US riders rode like shit, and they know it. Everyone has an off day. Dungey’s best finish was a 7th and he fell in both motos. The dude doesn’t fall. He’s the type of rider that you could grab his front brake and twist his bars while he’s going past you and he’d just pick up a few seconds and say thanks later. Baggett was on a 250F and he isn’t some German kid on a KTM, so he was fucked since Jump Street. I thought Barcia rode pretty well, save for several mistakes. He was a clear-cut third best behind Herlings and Cairoli. De Dycker passed him but Justin was all out of sorts at that point and passing De Dycker back is like passing a Mack truck in a drive-through.
Herlings is faster than Cairoli in the sand, I don’t care what the results say.
Band Of Brothers. You Euros should watch it some time.
In qualifying, when Chuck Sun helped Barcia back onto the racetrack, he probably knew that Justin would get DQed. He just didn’t care, he saw a fellow American and knew it was up to him to lend a helping hand. Euros would never do that; they don’t have a free hand to lend, since one is holding their cigarette and the other is busy reaching for another cigarette. And you people wonder why we needed to save your asses in WWII.
Barcia’s savage re-entry was entirely fueled by American determination and desire.
As far as Euros, I was impressed with Herlings and the all the Germans. They rode way better than I was expecting. Cairoli crushed it (there, are you happy?) but the fact that he continues to refuse to come to America and race the fastest series means that he’s dead to me.
We should just call Europe a country and race 10 on 10. It would significantly limit the amount of joes on the track, which this year was absurd. Our boys got screwed in that regard, since passing people going half your speed through the main line on a sand track when you have never ridden it is like teaching a German how to sound cheerful.
I almost turned the race off when I found out that China was a no show this year. Talk about an asterisk in the record books. Ping Pong, Ding Dong, and Zing Zong would have had that sand on lock. Jackie Chan as the manager and that shit was all over.
Dead on description for this season, even the map thing. All race photos cred to Ryne Swanberg @vurbswanny
Hangtown
450- Stewart crushing it on the Suzuki because Yamaha quit trying after 2009 when they realized that coasting by on 4-strokes AND 2-strokes yields as much paper in a shitty economy as trying to exclusively produce good 4-strokes. Or they just got tired of giving a fuck. 250- Speaking of not giving a fuck, Baggett is back in his element after shitting the bed in SX. Seriously, kids play video games and are scared to try some of the shit that Baggett does. Roczen was leading moto 2 till the very end when he forgot that US riders don’t stop for a cig break halfway into the moto.
WMX - Just kidding
Freestone
450- Stew and The Dunge going at it and even though Dungey never passed Stewart once in either moto, shit is getting real. Maybe this season won’t suck after all… 250- Baggett is traditionally a “hangover” rider because he generally follows up a race win with a performance like Robert Downey Jr. before someone told him that days don’t actually last 37 hours when you are on coke. He actually managed to kill it but Eli Tomac got on the NFG program after Hangtown and murdered everyone.
Thunder Valley
450- Stew gets spooked by a bigfoot sighting or something and proceeds to completely eat shit and mangle his hand like Robert Deniro’s character in Casino got a hold of it. Dungey goes 1-1 but the season is still looking promising since The Dunge only won by a collective 40 seconds. 250- Barcia getting in the mix with a 1-2 over Bag’s 3-1. First time all season that somebody’s won on anything other than a 1-1.
High Point
450- Stew manages to scrounge up a 5th in moto 1 and sits out moto 2 because it’s his cat’s birthday and he needs to make his favorite cake he’s hurting. Dungey takes another 1-1. 250- Tomac giving come from behind a new meaning and not even a gross sexual one. Roczen once again losing it on the last lap like a boss.
Budds Creek
450- No Stew at the Creek. Dungey destroyed the field. This is why kids play no-score T-ball, so they don’t have to deal with the emotional trauma of being shown how relatively bad they are at what they do.
250- Baggett on top of the box again.
Red Bud
450- The return of Stew. Does one moto and finishes a distant 3rd then takes off. But, you know, excitement! 250- Baggett rips the Leap pretty much every fucking lap, including when he has lappers littering the take off like newly-blind children who haven’t figured out the walking stick yet. He also won but that’s really a secondary take-away.
Millville
450- This is Dungey’s home track, but the second moto was way closer than that 50 second gap leads you to believe. It was a real nail biter. Also Nick Wey bit the dust when he decided to take a quick dip in the first moto. 250- Baggett crunched his bike trying to get featured on Rate That Scrub. Tomac squeaks a 3-1 past Barcia’s 2-2.
Washougal
450- Alessi actually manages to hold off Dungey in the first moto but is surprised when The Dunge has no interest in giving him a hug for roosting him and cockblocking his lines for 30 minutes. Dungey of course murders him in the 2nd moto and still wins the overall. 250- Barcia gets another 1-2 to seal the deal on win #2. I actually have to look up these 250 results because it’s difficult to remember when more than 2 people actually win in a season.
Southwick
450- KTM’s totally-radical-technology gas cap comes unglued for The Dunge and he has to pit stop, which KTM sucks at. I would have had that shit gassed up in 2.5 seconds, just timed myself doing it. Rattray gets a moto win and keeps his streak alive of winning something at Southwick. But Dungey still won the overall. Again, excitement. 250- Tomac’s ride in the second moto is all you need to know about. Came from over 10 seconds back to right in the mix in about 3 laps, then smashed a tree because the Bark Busters sponsorship just didn’t work out. Baggett won.
Unadilla
450- Stew makes his return and wads the fuck up again. And Dungey probably won, I don’t know, fuck you. 250- The GP BROs like ‘dilla, probably because everyone in America hates it. Roczen finally doesn’t get passed for the lead on the last lap and Musquin wins the overall.
Steel City
450- Nothing’s happening, nothing’s happening. Something about a map. 250- Tomac goes 1-1, Baggett goes 4-4. The points gap is now 14 which is exciting as fuck compared to the other class.
Lake Elsinore
Completely bullshit
450- Dungey won. 10 in a row. For fuck’s sake, is it 2013 yet? 250- Baggett wins the ‘ship, and Mitch is happy that he doesn’t have to kill someone this year. It’s literally in every employee’s contract at Pro Circuit that if the team doesn’t win a championship in a year, one lucky employee is selected to be dropped into a fiery pit in the back office. Not as a sacrifice, just so Mitch can blow off some steam.
Not much going on here besides a pretty good video by someone who I haven’t heard of. Apparently I featured one of his videos before but I cannot tell you which one, mainly because I don’t even know. Nonetheless, I liked it. Highlights for me were the shot of Craig whipping in your face at 37 seconds (albeit incomplete, it was still rad) and the deer head that I happened to Instagram last week. Like I’ve always said, if I make it through a video without checking my phone or pausing to look at Twitter, it passes the test, and this one did. Maybe too much of the fat people at Unadilla but it still gets a passing grade.
This is all that I have to say about this, and this is exactly what I thought when I saw this fall: There is no such thing as a mistake-free moto. I watch Dungey every week and he fucks up all the time, everyone does. It is impossible to ride a 30+2 at race pace and not make a single mistake, that’s the truth. Part of being a great rider is being able to contain the consequences of those mistakes. Dungey can do that, just about all of the top ten can. Seriously, every week I see a mistake that makes me say “Shit, I would have absolutely died right there,” while they don’t even miss a beat. James can’t do that anymore. It’s like he makes a mistake and the first thing that comes to his mind is “Oh well, shit happens.” This ain’t 2004, chief, you need to actually try these days. Don’t let racing get that boring. That is all.
Usually, I would criticize a rider for not leaving a competitor to literally burn in his own misdoings, but I’m not feeling that sentiment with this. Sure, you could make the argument that actually caring about another person’s well-being is the opposite of NFG, but when your BROs are in distress, you help them out. Like when your boy has some piece of ass ready to head over to the tabletop at Loretta’s after hours (TTF for the boys) but her stupid friend wants to go back to their camper and go to sleep, you tackle that bitch and knock her the fuck out Navy SEAL style, because you care and you are a good person. McDade is just hopping on that grenade and helping the boys out, rather than jumping on their bike and standing on it. So a tip of the hat to you, McDade. It’s time to get classy, motherfucker.
P.S. Anyone, and I mean anyone, who didn’t know better would believe that Emig has Down’s syndrome with his comment at the 8 second mark. Riiight derr.
So this one is making the rounds on the net these days. It’s getting sent to me like every 5 minutes. Yeah, I’m impressed. Would have liked to see him claim it a little harder, but I’m sure that he was trying to stop himself from having a heart attack at the time, so we’ll let it slide. I think I would have just dropped the bike and walked away, and literally the first good looking woman I saw (not you, fatty), I would have just had my way with her right there, in an epic symphony of dominant male awesomeness. Because you can’t just do something like that and not reap any rewards other than being not-dead. But unfortunately, I cleared the Leap, never cased it. Damn my amazing, sheer, indisputable talent.
I was actually standing just outside of the camera frame here when this happened. I pretty much am a huge Ryan Sipes fan now. You’d better believe I was going just as crazy as these average fan-folk. Everything about this was awesome. Like, this is how you win fans at Red Bud. Flawless execution. You can see that Sipes realizes that he completely joe’d his life away in front of a ton of people, but his recovery is impeccable. Just slowly rise, throw the horns, embrace the visor that has been knocked down to your teeth, and savor in the victory of having more fans than the guys who didn’t eat shit on the Leap. Done absolutely perfectly.
The GPs are really doing it for me this year. I think I should actually watch them. There’s always something going on there. Hearing about BROs getting in fights on the track after motos and everyone getting heated about everything. Great stuff, pure entertainment if you ask me. I can’t wait for Herlings to get over here; the kid does not give a fuck about PR and keeps it real, like a boss. Seriously, he might be the type of kid who would throw away a solid moto just to take someone out. No fucks given.
Love how the announcer tries to save it. Just starts blurting out noises. 110% this was his interaction with Herlings afterward -
Finally, this is a “PR Disaster” like the Catholic church is a good place to study science and logic and acceptance of differences. How much is the viewership of the GPs going to jump now that people know that Herlings is dead set on booting Pocock into another layer of the atmosphere in the next race? And like I always say, nothing erases people’s memories like winning a championship. That shit might as well be the pen thing in Men In Black. How many people are still talking about Barcia’s shit? Most of you probably don’t even know what I’m talking about and it happened two months ago. There is only so much memory in the mind of a moto BRO and tits, bikes, and alcohol occupy a large chunk of it.
Pre-race: This race was on hold for about an hour due to wind and lightning, which is bullshit. I mean, if I’m not backhanding death in the face every time I get on the track, I don’t get on the fucking track.
Holeshot: Barcia is stacking holeshots these days. He’s from New York so he’s used to slick tracks and, since he’s not dead yet, avoiding people who are horrendously inept at operating motor vehicles, so he’s in good shape.
1 minute: It’s Barcia with the Fuhrer right behind him, then Slash and France in fourth. My nickname for Musquin is France. It’s creative in its lack of creativity, somehow.
14 minutes: Barcia still leading but Roczen is not letting him go, which might be the most frustrating thing ever while leading a race. You’re just saying “Dude, please. Don’t you have some offs to fuck?”
15 minutes: Musquin is running third, Wharton fourth, but Baggett just moved into the top 5 and hasn’t given a fuck since about lap 5 so they’re done.
23 minutes: Barcia still not letting Roczen shake him. How Roczen still has goggles at this point in the moto is beyond me. Everyone knows that roll-offs are programmed to either break or get water under the film after 20 minutes, it’s in the rule book.
29 minutes: Roczen all over Barcia with 3 to go and pushes the front end
Finish: Barcia wins it, his first moto win on a 250 since 2010. Weird, right? Roczen still held on to second, Baggett made it up to third.
Moto 2
Holeshot: Wil Hahn rips it on the GEICO bike. That team is like the Pro Circuit of the first thousand feet of the moto.
1 minute: Barcia now leading Tedesco, Roczen moves around Hahn for 3rd. Tedesco crossrutting like a boss, trying to stuff it in on Barcia, but the youngbloods don’t play that game. Roczen into 2nd.
2 minutes: Musquin around Tedesco, pulling that PC bike like it’s going out of style. This is the conversation that Mitch and IT will have after that shit:
5 minutes: Baggett and Tomac turning on the afterburners, shitting on Tedesco and Musquin and pretty much rubbing their noses in it.
12 minutes: Fro talking about how fitness comes into play now that we are past the halfway point. Again, 12 minutes.
14 minutes: Baggett around Ken-doll for #2. The top 4 are murdering everyone right now (except each other, that just wouldn’t work).
16 minutes: Baggett around Barcia, no fucks given.
21 minutes: Barcia blowing out ruts and shit, Roczen gets around him for second.
Last lap: Barcia and Roczen going for the same rut, Roczen is on the inside, and somehow he is the one who falls. Barcia taking dudes out from the outside like a BOSS.
Finish: Baggett wraps up another moto, but Barcia takes the overall, the second of his career and first since 2009.
