Let’s be real for a second: Carmichael ruined the sport. He took everything to a level of black and white. – either you’re training, or you’re not. And if you’re not, Carmichael would be. He would be doing it in a sweat room with Chinese monks whipping him in the face and his mom yelling at him for getting a bad report card, just for the motivation. Where riders used to be able to enjoy a cool beer or twelve the night before a race, now they are relegated to the gym day in and day out just to keep up. Of course, BRO is here to shed some insight on how you can keep yourself in peak performance shape, and that includes getting your rocks off. I mean, you’re not going to not have sex with the legions of willing track snacks, unless you have the gay. So here it is, the top 5 sexual positions that will put you up front at the tail end of a 30+2.

Wheelbarrow Style

No brainer here. Everyone knows that moto is legs and core six ways to the weekend. When the cross flags come out and the rollers are chopped to shit, you are going to be glad that you put in the man hours when it comes time to charge that second half. All the joes just kicking back on the bottom are swapping all over the place and losing lap times like it’s nobody’s business, belie’ dat.

The Brian or Standing Doggie

As long as you have got the stamina, this is straight cardio that no trainer could offer you. Sweat may start pouring but a MaxiPad across the goggles will do the trick. Play with the tempo, too. This is all about intervals, and you need to keep the body guessing. The second you get into a routine, you are losing momentum. Remember it is all about charging to the checkered flag, which in this scenario would be homegirl yelling the safe word (“Albuquerque”) or slamming her head off the wall and going all limp fish on you (for a really great cardio workout, keep going after that point while holding her up). Legal disclaimer – don’t do that.

The Night At The Roxbury

I mean, you want a full body workout, look no further. A week of this and you will be waving to Dungey as you steal his job and his chick because this might as well be a banned substance. That’s how gnarly it is. This is a double black diamond, so you had better be in the white background club before you hop on to this pony. It’s important to know your limits; you are not going to go send Larocco’s Leap on your first day, so do not make the mistake of thinking this is any different. Remember, you have to hit that shit WIDE OPEN.

The Catholic Church or Twisted Missionary

Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that it is not important to stretch. Your muscles need that recovery time post moto and they need to be nurtured. Here we have a prime example of a great core stretching position. It is important to note that while your girl may be stretched out and twisted like a pretzel on acid, you are the main focus here. If your back is too stretched out, just toss her legs further toward her eardrums, because you do not want to slip a disc or something. She might tear a few ligaments but hey, sometimes you need a back-up bike.

Reverse Cowgirl

You just trained your ass off, BRO. You earned this one. Kick back and let it all come to you. No pun intended. One love.