The MEC is fast approaching, and Monster is holding some contest to give some chick something to do all day to break up the vacuuming and sandwich artistry. Naturally, I decided to pick the 10 hottest ones and rank them, because it’s what men do every single time we see a group of women. You can see them all here, but on to the rankings:
Click the photos to see the full profile, which is just a few more photos, because their words don’t matter.
Comment: I’m a man who loves a chick in hipster glasses, because it means she is very liberal in most avenues of life, including sexual promiscuity. She also has the word “moto” in her name. But her bra size is a vowel, and it’s not “E”.
#9Comment: Her last pic in the red dress just screams “premium escort”. Her hair is also always just a touch disheveled, to suggest that she may or may not have gotten completely done up, then engaged in activities between that time and the time of the photo.
#8Comment: She blew the doors off the seductive face game in that first photo, but her next two did not live up to such a lofty standard. She is topless in her final pic, however, which means that she knows exactly what her selling points are, and more importantly, that she is willing to play ball with them.
#7Comment: East coast on the board. She is a welcome departure from the Cali girl look, and although her photos are instagram filtered to the nines, she’s a good looking girl with stars in her eyes. But both her first and last name have unnecessary letters in them, which means she might hate America and freedom.
#6Comment: New England coming in hot. Her next two photos absolutely humiliate this first one, too. A body that doesn’t even have the word “quit” in its vocabulary. Girl could undoubtedly burn the pubes right off your body.
#5Comment: Texas girls are a different breed. Something about the gun-shooting and the queer-hating gets them all sorts of riled up. And the black bikini in her other photo is like some form of mystical slut magic. Even if she told you flat out that she’d be murdering your puppy after fucking you, you would still say yes.
#4Comment: Taryn is a baby-faced version of Dianna. The fitness body with the hair so suffocated in bleach that you could wash your white linens with it. But no one cares. Natural hair color is to men what stop signs are to Asian women – might as well not even exist.
#3Comment: Everything about this girl says “Hot Girl At The Bar”, like, it’s on her birth certificate for sure. Her entire occupation is to get guys to want to fuck her. The world would stop spinning if she wanted it to.
#2Comment: Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy had a lesbian scissor baby and came out with this girl. She was born to top 3 this list, so far be it from me to defy fate. Her other photos are shit, though, and that kept her off the top spot on the podium.
#1Comment: Brunette comes in out of no where to take the whole damn thing. Unreal, a Cinderella story if I’ve ever heard one. She’s got it all – the “girl next door” look, the pilates body, and the suggestive look of an ambitious model who knows how to properly thank a moto media mogul for ranking her numero uno…