File Under: With excitement like this, who needs enemas?! I feel like Racer X is throwing me material to be vicious with. Time to get out the shredder.
(From left to right)
Hair:
1) I’m not sure where girls got the idea that the Bieber comb over works for them but let me clarify something, it doesn’t. Only the Biebs can pull that shit off.
2) Why does your hairline start so far back? Don’t think for a minute all the coke you rip doesn’t thin out your hair, cause it does.
3) See, 3 knows how to carry herself. Full head of some fake ass blonde hair. Way to slut it up for the crowd. You’re winning this race so far.
4) You’re a perfect offset to 3, her brunette counterpart if you will. Naturalish looking color and some good curls. Bonus points for length, I like to grab a good handful from behind.
**Props to Regal for the Eric Foreman flow. Seriously, kids got potential with that mane.
The Goods:
1) Very nice move hiding behind the skinny blonde because judging from those sweet creases on your arm, it looks like you’re carrying some extra weight. No worries though, hun, just more cushion for the pushin’. I’m okay with a bit of plump.
2) Stick skinny and huge knockers. I totally think they’re real(Read with extreme sarcasm). But hey I always wanted to try to break a girl in half. Maybe I’ll play some xylophone notes on your rib cage while we fuck.
3) Another win for 3. Stick that chest out more so I don’t notice your paler then all of those queer vampires.
4) I want to be turned on by you but you’re not showing me anything. I feel like your hiding a sneaky smokestack body under all those clothes. You get points for my curious boner.
Attire:
1) Hopefully you’re rocking a burlap sack to cover yourself up. Only think you’re missing is the bag over your head.
2) That’s one of those dresses that’s smaller than my iPhone and I like it. It says “Hey, I’m a slut that likes to wear minimal clothing”. Props for showing off as much leg as you can without having your cooter slip out.
3) Mesh shirt with a tank under has always intrigued me. It’s like you want to be slutty and show off what you got, but at the same time you’re covering up. I respect you as a woman because of it. I’m also a compulsive liar so don’t take that last line to heart.
4) Bright colors attract attention and with a nose like that you want all that attention to be on your legs for sure.
Misc:
1) Why is your face square? Is that an optical illusion? I’m not sure.
2) Shouldn’t you be home taking care of your kid or something? Kid’s going to grow up with more issues than old Charlie Manson.
3) What’s with the sandals from the Roman Empire? I never got into this style. You’re out for a night on the town, throw some heels on would ya?
4) Strong jaw on this one. You look like you can take a nice hit. Which is good cause I like my violence like I like my beer. Domestic.
** Note: Come on Kyle. You’re a pro now. This looks like the clean up crew for your local B class. You can do better than that BRO.
Also this may be one of the greatest unintentional photo bombs in the history of pictures. I know it’s a Los Angeles hat but only the “LosA” made it into the picture. For you retards that don’t speak Masshole, it translates into “Loser”.
Final Rating: 1/2 all around. I’d like to remind everyone that I would fuck anything.
