File Under: The Triumphant Return. As everyone is very aware, the Rating of the FOTWs got the kibosh tossed on it by the corpo giants when they decided to start doing it with men and children (the FOTW, not “it”) then just stopped altogether because the only thing people really want to see with that feature is tits and ass and whatever they’re putting the paper bag over. Well, BRO knows what the people want, and we will be bringing you the BRO FOTW indefinitely. Since Marco BROlo is unavailable (he probably had to go feed the women that he keeps chained up in his basement), I will be taking everyone into the next era of BRO’s delightfully misogynistic legacy. And we’re off…
Hair - You can’t knock the classics. Sometimes you can win it with the fundamentals. Just throwing heat right down the middle with the blonde action. It’s slightly disheveled, which suggests that someone spotted a red number plate in practice and decided to take it upon herself to make a house call (or a doghouse call, as is tradition at Southwick. Seriously, that box has more white stains in it than every orifice on Anna Nicole Smith’s body [that was a cum joke and a cocaine joke, FYI]).
The Goods - Gotta let the girls breathe. People go to jail for keeping puppies cooped up like that. This chick is either sporting a modest yet strong-running C, or a back of the pack D. It’s really her call when she goes to pick out her shit at Victoria’s Secret.
Attire - Call me old fashioned but I think this outfit would have strongly benefited from one fewer piece of clothing. Do you know how many more tips you would get if you lost the undershirt? I know that 30-second board girls don’t really work for tips, but try to tell me the dollar bills would not be flying at this girl if she did that.
Ding ding ding. We have a winner.
Final Rating: 2/2 because arm pit fuck happens to be on my bucket list.