Pre-race: Jeff’s and Ricky’s keys to the race are less retarded than usual. They actually are of some significance beyond the obvious.
Holeshot: Barcia rips a clean holey, using Lance Vincent as a berm. Boss lifestyles. Roczen jammed the gate. Jeff’s analogy of “too excited and too pumped up” is spot on. Premature Startulation is an epidemic.
Lap 2: Is Ralph really talking about Roczen’s points on the second goddamn lap? Back of the line, Sheheen.
Lap 3: Durham gets passed by Wharton and Bogle to drop to 5th. Mitch is Suzuki and Honda bullshit.
Lap 4: Cunningham moves into 6th. I honestly had him pegged to be a contender this year. A rare miss on BRO’s part.
Lap 5: Roczen up to 8th already, block passing dudes and probably planning on banging their girlfriends later. Like a boss. He’s also not doubling into the sand and not losing any time.
Lap 6: Ralph talking about the adversity Roczen has faced to get to America. It’s not Nazi Germany anymore, chief. He got on a plane.
Lap 8: Wharton and Bogle battling. No way Wharton can handle the steeze quotient in that scuffle.
Lap 10: Wharton joes it in the first rhythm. I was correct.
Lap 11: Ralph talking about how James tweeted him earlier, which I don’t believe. There is no way Ralph would still be conscious if that happened.
Lap 12: Barcia is leading with a solid gap over Baggett who has a solid gap over Bogle who has a solid gap over Wharton. This race is boring as shit.
Lap 13: Random observation from the position ticker on the top of the screen: KTM infestation in the midpack area, Honda infestation at the back of the pack. They are also 2/3 of the top 3, so they don’t give a fuck. Just like Yamaha, because no one rides those.
Lap 15: Barcia pulls the Joey Flying W in the whoops with one turn to go. All of the GEICO BROs almost just killed themselves.
Finish: Barcia takes it, Bagget in second, and Bogle in third. They didn’t show you, but Bogle heelclickered the finish line, no fucks given.
