Dead on description for this season, even the map thing. All race photos cred to Ryne Swanberg @vurbswanny
450- Stewart crushing it on the Suzuki because Yamaha quit trying after 2009 when they realized that coasting by on 4-strokes AND 2-strokes yields as much paper in a shitty economy as trying to exclusively produce good 4-strokes. Or they just got tired of giving a fuck.
250- Speaking of not giving a fuck, Baggett is back in his element after shitting the bed in SX. Seriously, kids play video games and are scared to try some of the shit that Baggett does. Roczen was leading moto 2 till the very end when he forgot that US riders don’t stop for a cig break halfway into the moto.
WMX - Just kidding
450- Stew and The Dunge going at it and even though Dungey never passed Stewart once in either moto, shit is getting real. Maybe this season won’t suck after all…
250- Baggett is traditionally a “hangover” rider because he generally follows up a race win with a performance like Robert Downey Jr. before someone told him that days don’t actually last 37 hours when you are on coke. He actually managed to kill it but Eli Tomac got on the NFG program after Hangtown and murdered everyone.
450- Stew gets spooked by a bigfoot sighting or something and proceeds to completely eat shit and mangle his hand like Robert Deniro’s character in Casino got a hold of it. Dungey goes 1-1 but the season is still looking promising since The Dunge only won by a collective 40 seconds.
250- Barcia getting in the mix with a 1-2 over Bag’s 3-1. First time all season that somebody’s won on anything other than a 1-1.
450- Stew manages to scrounge up a 5th in moto 1 and sits out moto 2 because
it’s his cat’s birthday and he needs to make his favorite cake he’s hurting. Dungey takes another 1-1.
250- Tomac giving come from behind a new meaning and not even a gross sexual one. Roczen once again losing it on the last lap like a boss.
450- No Stew at the Creek. Dungey destroyed the field. This is why kids play no-score T-ball, so they don’t have to deal with the emotional trauma of being shown how relatively bad they are at what they do.
250- Baggett on top of the box again.
450- The return of Stew. Does one moto and finishes a distant 3rd then takes off. But, you know, excitement!
250- Baggett rips the Leap pretty much every fucking lap, including when he has lappers littering the take off like newly-blind children who haven’t figured out the walking stick yet. He also won but that’s really a secondary take-away.
450- This is Dungey’s home track, but the second moto was way closer than that 50 second gap leads you to believe. It was a real nail biter. Also Nick Wey bit the dust when he decided to take a quick dip in the first moto.
250- Baggett crunched his bike trying to get featured on Rate That Scrub. Tomac squeaks a 3-1 past Barcia’s 2-2.
450- Alessi actually manages to hold off Dungey in the first moto but is surprised when The Dunge has no interest in giving him a hug for roosting him and cockblocking his lines for 30 minutes. Dungey of course murders him in the 2nd moto and still wins the overall.
250- Barcia gets another 1-2 to seal the deal on win #2. I actually have to look up these 250 results because it’s difficult to remember when more than 2 people actually win in a season.
450- KTM’s totally-radical-technology gas cap comes unglued for The Dunge and he has to pit stop, which KTM sucks at. I would have had that shit gassed up in 2.5 seconds, just timed myself doing it. Rattray gets a moto win and keeps his streak alive of winning something at Southwick. But Dungey still won the overall. Again, excitement.
250- Tomac’s ride in the second moto is all you need to know about. Came from over 10 seconds back to right in the mix in about 3 laps, then smashed a tree because the Bark Busters sponsorship just didn’t work out. Baggett won.
450- Stew makes his return and wads the fuck up again. And Dungey probably won, I don’t know, fuck you.
250- The GP BROs like ‘dilla, probably because everyone in America hates it. Roczen finally doesn’t get passed for the lead on the last lap and Musquin wins the overall.
450- Nothing’s happening, nothing’s happening. Something about a map.
250- Tomac goes 1-1, Baggett goes 4-4. The points gap is now 14 which is exciting as fuck compared to the other class.
450- Dungey won. 10 in a row. For fuck’s sake, is it 2013 yet?
250- Baggett wins the ‘ship, and Mitch is happy that he doesn’t have to kill someone this year. It’s literally in every employee’s contract at Pro Circuit that if the team doesn’t win a championship in a year, one lucky employee is selected to be dropped into a fiery pit in the back office. Not as a sacrifice, just so Mitch can blow off some steam.