Not much going on today but another crash video should do the trick. This video reminded me of a rule of thumb that has stood the test of time like the notion that women make good sandwiches: Bicycle helmet on a motorcycle always means get out the camera. Something is going to happen, you know it. “Black kid on a CR85″ Ok, you kind of have my attention. “He’s wearing a 4 year old’s bicycle helmet.” Sold. Get me front row tickets to that show. If there are trees anywhere within the vicinity, the kid is going to find them. Hard.
It’s not everyday that you witness a legend being born, but I think that is what we are seeing in the promoting business with this event. This guy just watched Fuel TV for about 18 hours, put his hands out in front of him, palms up as if he was holding something in each and said: “UFC. Motocross.” Then he slowly interlaced his fingers and started shaking and fire started shooting out of his eyes and there might have been a dragon involved.
It’s perfect, action coming out the ass. Dudes fighting, dudes hitting jumps and getting super radical in the air; even the announcer doesn’t know how to control the mayhem, he’s all over the place. Just stumbling over his words as he tries to focus my attention on one aspect of the show. But it’s never going to happen, chief. I got this guy beating up this guy and then I got this guy doing a cliffhanger over both of them, what do you want from me? I wish my mind was my dick because it is sufficiently blown.
So I posted just the fight video from this altercation a few weeks ago, but just saw this full video. I think seeing everything build up to the fight just makes it a thousand times better (and I use the term “fight” pretty liberally here, since helmet cam dude got his ass handed to him by the sound of it). Everything about beer-gut BRO’s posture just says “Fuck off, mate”. He’s just cruising trails and not trying to give any hot shot kids the chance to interrupt that. Helmet cam BRO should have realized it after his first few comments that this dude is not here for any bullshit. He’s here to kick ass and mountain bike, and you just made him drop his mountain bike.
I love how this video is titled “Assault”. BRO, your mouth wrote a check that your ass couldn’t cash, simple as that. Save that talk for the people who give a fuck. Genius to cover the cam up, though; BRO could have just as easily fallen down the mountain and been screaming at the bushes to fuck off for all we know.
Ok, once again I need to open this up with a serious question: Do quad riders think this is cool? Because virtually every pro-quad comment I have ever heard would logically hold true for this contraption. But there it is right there; if there is one thing that we can know with the utmost certainty it is that a quad BMX bike may be the worst atrocity committed by humanity since mullets and denim shorts. But if that is true (which we know that it unarguably is), then every quad rider has immediately proven his argument to be flawed in his defense of how not-gay his sport actually is. Sorry BROs, but you just lawyered yourselves right into the scented candle section at Bed, Bath, And Beyond.
This fight is such a let-down. First of all, why would you get into a fight in the stands? That right there says that you are really just a bitch who wanted to talk shit and got yourself in way too deep, same with the other guy. Take it outside and bring some glass shards or trash cans or other makeshift weapons into the picture like real sickos. I will give credit for ruining the experience for the fans around you though; that is mandatory action for a BRO who has been crushing $10 Budweisers all night. Everything that you do is more interesting than everything that happens on the track, anyway.
P.S. I have no idea how anyone could have the stones to take a swing at Monster shirt guy. Like, you are staring in the face of a guy who has clearly marked how legit he is, and you still think you can fight him. True balls of steel.
P.P.S. Upon further inspection, dude who took a swing at Monster guy is clearly decked out in Rockstar apparel. So he has the proper street cred to be actin’ a fool up in this bitch.
Sidecar swag on sidecar swag on sidecar swag. Interlaced as a motherfucker and still the hottest fire on the internet. The instant I clicked on this video, I figured there was something here. Before anything even came up on screen, I knew this was going to be epic. Most sidecar videos are lamer than dead guy boners but this one really stole the show. I literally fell out of my chair when I witnessed the freestyle maneuver at 1:16. Balls of steel on these motherfuckers. I feel like the secret of steeze in sidecar is all in the monkey, and this dude is the Barcia of sidecar monkeying. Setting up for turns off the side of that shit in the air like a boss, not giving a single fuck the whole time. It’s like they say, if you’re hot, you’re hot.
And since I know this question is going to come up, I will answer it now: Sidecar moto > quads.