I know this is actually just a bunch of drunk Josephs rather than a legit party, but again, I had the rant in my head immediately so let’s just move on. The BRO who sent this video in said it had a “Project X” feel about it. Dude, have you ever been to a house party with a bunch of moto BROs? This is like 9:30 pm shit. I mean, if you have ever been to a party where dirt bikes were present and at no point throughout the night did they get fired up, you were at a weak fucking house party. I don’t care where you are in the country, everyone plays it that way. It does not even have to be your bike – you see a CR250, you start it up and push the limit of that rev limiter for a minute or two. That’s the rule. As long as you are not pouring beer in the gas tank, no one can get mad at you. If they do – huge bitch, go make a sandwich.
P.S. The woman complaining about having her kids this weekend is so perfect. Like, that is the only thing getting in the way of her splurging the food stamps on cheap vodka, and she’ll probably still do it anyway. 4 year olds with a blood sugar deficiency mix the best martinis. Neglectful mothers and ’99 CR250s in the house go together like PB&J.
Um, is hell fucking yeah an acceptable response? The instant that I saw that this was a stunt on a film set, I knew we were in for a treat. I have very limited experience with actual movie types, but I have learned that they have no fucking idea what is possible and what isn’t on a motorcycle. That line is so askew for them, it’s ridiculous; take your hand off the bars in a wheelie and you are Jesus, but if you can’t clear a semi truck from a ramp made of a piece of paper and a 2×4, you’re fired. And that’s the thing, these stunt guys are so desperate for work, they pretty much cannot say no. They are just yes men who then actually have to pay for it. The director was all “Listen, we’re going to need you to launch into this huge fucking lake, and you have to go at least 50 feet in the air and you will be smashing through solid boards of Alaskan pine when you hit the ramp. But don’t worry, you’ll be on fire.”
I’m calling it a weekend with this. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone who doesn’t give a fuck like this guy. Just cruising through the Boston suburbs on his black CR250 like a boss, doing burnouts through intersections for the kids, then disappearing into the mist as quickly as he came. Thanks to the BROs for sending this video over.
Not much going on today but another crash video should do the trick. This video reminded me of a rule of thumb that has stood the test of time like the notion that women make good sandwiches: Bicycle helmet on a motorcycle always means get out the camera. Something is going to happen, you know it. “Black kid on a CR85″ Ok, you kind of have my attention. “He’s wearing a 4 year old’s bicycle helmet.” Sold. Get me front row tickets to that show. If there are trees anywhere within the vicinity, the kid is going to find them. Hard.
It’s not everyday that you witness a legend being born, but I think that is what we are seeing in the promoting business with this event. This guy just watched Fuel TV for about 18 hours, put his hands out in front of him, palms up as if he was holding something in each and said: “UFC. Motocross.” Then he slowly interlaced his fingers and started shaking and fire started shooting out of his eyes and there might have been a dragon involved.
It’s perfect, action coming out the ass. Dudes fighting, dudes hitting jumps and getting super radical in the air; even the announcer doesn’t know how to control the mayhem, he’s all over the place. Just stumbling over his words as he tries to focus my attention on one aspect of the show. But it’s never going to happen, chief. I got this guy beating up this guy and then I got this guy doing a cliffhanger over both of them, what do you want from me? I wish my mind was my dick because it is sufficiently blown.
So I posted just the fight video from this altercation a few weeks ago, but just saw this full video. I think seeing everything build up to the fight just makes it a thousand times better (and I use the term “fight” pretty liberally here, since helmet cam dude got his ass handed to him by the sound of it). Everything about beer-gut BRO’s posture just says “Fuck off, mate”. He’s just cruising trails and not trying to give any hot shot kids the chance to interrupt that. Helmet cam BRO should have realized it after his first few comments that this dude is not here for any bullshit. He’s here to kick ass and mountain bike, and you just made him drop his mountain bike.
I love how this video is titled “Assault”. BRO, your mouth wrote a check that your ass couldn’t cash, simple as that. Save that talk for the people who give a fuck. Genius to cover the cam up, though; BRO could have just as easily fallen down the mountain and been screaming at the bushes to fuck off for all we know.
Ok, once again I need to open this up with a serious question: Do quad riders think this is cool? Because virtually every pro-quad comment I have ever heard would logically hold true for this contraption. But there it is right there; if there is one thing that we can know with the utmost certainty it is that a quad BMX bike may be the worst atrocity committed by humanity since mullets and denim shorts. But if that is true (which we know that it unarguably is), then every quad rider has immediately proven his argument to be flawed in his defense of how not-gay his sport actually is. Sorry BROs, but you just lawyered yourselves right into the scented candle section at Bed, Bath, And Beyond.
This fight is such a let-down. First of all, why would you get into a fight in the stands? That right there says that you are really just a bitch who wanted to talk shit and got yourself in way too deep, same with the other guy. Take it outside and bring some glass shards or trash cans or other makeshift weapons into the picture like real sickos. I will give credit for ruining the experience for the fans around you though; that is mandatory action for a BRO who has been crushing $10 Budweisers all night. Everything that you do is more interesting than everything that happens on the track, anyway.
P.S. I have no idea how anyone could have the stones to take a swing at Monster shirt guy. Like, you are staring in the face of a guy who has clearly marked how legit he is, and you still think you can fight him. True balls of steel.
P.P.S. Upon further inspection, dude who took a swing at Monster guy is clearly decked out in Rockstar apparel. So he has the proper street cred to be actin’ a fool up in this bitch.