It’s not every day that you see a legend born, just like that. Think about how incredible it would be to see the first time Michael Jordan touched a basketball or Jimi Hendrix strummed a guitar. Well today is one of those special days. Move over Patterson and Fiolek, there’s a new sheriffette in town. The face of women’s motocross changed the second Svetlana here touched that throttle and whiskeyed herself into super-stardom. And yes, I named that trailer “super-stardom”.
Score one for the women’s movement. I mean really, leave it to a chick to have the arrogance to think that she can just step right over the gate when the revs are up. I am just about 100% positive that this broad got it in her head that she was supposed to be the 30-second board girl, and decided in a last ditch effort that she was going to make it happen. Like, this race was NOT going to start without her getting that moment in the spotlight. She’s thinking the whole world stops for her, right before she is getting steamrolled by the 250B class. Wouldn’t be the first time, right sweetheart? Ha, got ‘em.
On second thought, this might actually be the best way to start a moto that I have ever seen. Is this how shit goes down over there? Just send a girl out there like the fake rabbit in a greyhound race? Absolute fucking genius, the prudes of America really need to take notice. I would be pulling holeshots for days if I knew that doing so meant I gained a woman as my property. Eastern Europe rules.
Wow. I mean, score one for the quad riders, right? Like, this is the stuff that dreams are made of. I’m just going to completely joey endo and you are telling me that my vehicle is just going to flip with me on it and land comfortably so I can keep riding like a goddamn RC truck? Sign me up. My biggest gripe with quads beyond the fact that they absolutely destroy motocross tracks and kick sand in young children’s juice cups is that I never have understood why people would ride one instead of a dirtbike. But fuck me, now I have an answer. To tell you the truth, I got completely demolished at Perris two weeks ago when my bike bogged out on the face of a jump and I endoed my shit into another dimension. Do you know how happy I would have been to wind up just riding away from that crash without tremendous burns on my back and aching pain in every joint in my body?
By the way, if every quad rider made a point of doing this once a race, that series would murder the AMA Nationals. Live TV packages, all the glitz and glamour, it is just a Traxxas-style endo away, BROs. Think about it. #EndoTheQuads
Stupid. It’s all stupid. Like, how is most of this even possible? I have always thought that flatland BMX guys were like the single parents of the action sports world, in that what they do is hard as fuck but they get no love for it and wind up with some shithead kid with a meth problem.
This video has been around for a couple of years but it only just hit the eyes that matter: mine. It takes a special kind of maniac to be leading a superbike race and make the informed yet retarded decision to just launch a spot on the track in an effort to extend the lead just that much more. You know those Old Spice commercials where the football dude is doing push-ups with the jet ski on his back? Small potatoes. Read more »
Someday I want to meet the guy that says “Alcohol and driving don’t mix” and show him this video before I roundhouse kick him for a Jack Daniels commercial. I mean, how can you possibly argue that everyone involved did not benefit from this? Everyone viewing got to be that much happier that they personally saw a man launch his nice truck into a car insurance commercial, and that guy gets to sit well knowing that no one gives less fucks than he does. Win-win. I mean, as blue-grooved as that track is, you can’t not take the truck out there. And anyone saying he needs to ease up on the lead foot, think again. The effective amount of awesome is always directly related to the amount of gas you are giving it.
Here we have a prime example of what happens when not giving a fuck goes wrong. Guy was leading the pack, completely committed to showing the whole squad that he’s got game on the cruiser, only to get absolutely rocked by a rogue speed bump. Seriously chief, you need SX suspension if you’re going to seat bounce small, steep lips going mach 2. Where’s your brain? This is the type of shit I think of when I see all the joeys who have to holeshot practice or else they want to kill themselves. Sometimes, it’s better to just relax BROs.
With Meek Mill and Chino blowing up bike life like a school child in Nagasaki these days, stuff like this is what I am most excited about. I mean, not all black people residing in an urban metropolis can possibly be good at this shit, right? So when all the joes start emerging from the woodwork to try their hand at the WOWBoyz lifestyle, it’s going to do phenomenal things for people like me who take such jubilation out of seeing others get hurt. And it’s on a quad. For the win.
People sending me this one from all angles today. Some crazy Euro who’s trying to ride the Baumgartner train of glory, but on a budget. Dude is just tossing a huge “fuck you” to the mainstream and is going to keep it simple: Trees, a river about the width of an Iranian highway, and a parachute that happens to open 5 feet above it. Because parachute maneuvers are way gnarlier when there’s a legitimate chance that your parachute could be traded with a wet napkin and it would serve you just as well.
I think this would have been a lot more fun if they waited for some asshole fisherman to stroll down the river and dropped right in front of him. Dude would think that Deliverance and Nitro Circus had some Euro retard baby.
Here’s a couple of angles from the dude’s helmet cam, which for some reason I cannot find.
I know everyone expects me to make fun of this guy and his funtastic quad maneuvers, but I’m not. This is what quads are made for: Muddin’. Quads fucking live for that shit. If there is one area where quads are completely untouchable, it’s in the mudhole. Try to go to one of those down-South mud pits on a bike – you’ll look like an asshole; people will be farting in your general direction all day long because you are some prick that decided to show up on a bike, similar to what every moto dude does when a quad shows up at the track. So when this dude got bucked into Coma-town, it was because he really forgot what he was riding. A quad wants to go through that mud, BRO, not jump over it. Disrespect the bull and you’ll get the horns, as home boy has since learned.