These days when I’m watching moto videos, if it’s not a whip clip, I consider it a favor to the vid to even allow my eyes to watch it. Old Dirty Shark’s newest drop is chock full o’ whips, and here are some of my favorites, in order:
1. Hanny’s fade-away at 1:10
Are you shitting me right now?
2. Durham’s hip fade at 1:46
Durham might be the best in the world at ripping hips. Kid can send it to the right so hard, he should have a tattoo of a KKK member with the caption “Right Power!”
3. Lil’ Shark at 2:36
Hodges coming in hot with the classic sender. You can’t beat the originals.
4. Axell and Hanny at 2:52
If one is good, two must be better. Right, ladies? (Psst…I’m talking about dicks.) 5. Hill’s hip at 1:16
I’m just a fan of the hip fades. Call me a hipster.
Let’s go through my timeline of thought as I watched this video: :10 – Ok, we’re in a heli. This is very Art of Flight-y, even though it’s Monster. I’m on board. :13 – They spelled “descend” wrong in the subtitles. I’m about to stop paying attention and check SnapChat. 1:00 – Ok, we’re riding. Big hit right off the bat. Good start, I’m back on board. 1:25 – Backflip. I could probably do that. I just don’t want to steal all the chicks from these dudes. 1:55 – Now we’re into some serious booters, but the lack of whips is puzzling to me. 2:07 – Backflip numero dos. Again, I’ll give him the hashtag LimeLight because I’m not coming through to steal his girl. Yet. 2:27 – Is this POV from the same jump he just hit? It looks absolutely fucking huge. 2:35 – Two-Stroke Timmy takes the freeride digger of the season. This ain’t a Red Bull video, braj. No wings involved. 3:25 – Hip time. Over the trees, like a boss. 4:00 – But that step-down, though. That was at least a billion feet. 4:20 – Celebration time. OD’ing on Canadian accents.
Bottom line: Dope video. More of these from everyone. #FreerideIsTheFuture
All of you people saying that the WOWBoyz and the 12 O’Clock Boyz need to stop doing their thing are the reason that society is crumbling. Allow me to explain: If you decide that ripping midnight wheelies on a CR85 through the streets of the Baltimore ghetto is something that you need to do, one of two things is going to happen. Either you are going to be the shit at it and get hella pussy and make more athletically and physically prominent offspring (like Chino), or you are going to crash and die and stop your bloodline right there. Straight up natural selection at its finest. People these days do so much to prevent nature from doing what it is supposed to do, and just like that we have traffic jams in every city loaded with people who really did not have to exist. We need to do something to curb the numbers a little bit here, and letting these dudes rip it is a step in the right direction. When the zombie apocalypse starts, who do you want riding you to safety? Chino, or the kid whose mom wouldn’t let him play soccer without a helmet on?
I’m starting to channel Bill Burr here, so I’ll let him take the wheel:
Two factors at the very beginning of this video led me to believe that it was going to be an absolute hammer: 1) Sinisalo helmet. 2) The amount of number plates on the front of that black CR250 (spoiler alert: it’s none). Right off the bat, I’m hooked. And rightfully so, because this was a game-changer. This was seriously the Breaking Bad of moto videos – it was good already, then the twist at the end turned the whole show on its head. Lights out; I’m about to buy the Blu-Ray and it doesn’t even exist. This is further proof that Russia might be the empirical leader of NFG. After seeing this, it’s really a testament to America’s brass for not surrendering during the Cold War. If these guys had missiles pointed at you, it might be the ballsiest move ever to say “Fuck off. I dare you to launch those bad Larrys.” So I mean really, score one for America.
How about that chick though? Worst acting job in the history of the business. Are you really expecting me to believe that you said no to a man that was riding a CR250 backwards and calling you out? Impossible. Literally impossible. She’ll be on a mail-order bride website next week.
Although moto videos are mainly a positive thing for the sport, the videos we see nowadays tend to lack the core lifestyle aspect of the sport. A prime example of a video that conveys such things is of course Steel Roots.
If you aren’t familiar with the Steel Roots series, familiarize yourself. In an era where mixing gas and kicking ass with your buddies in the hills was the norm’, Jeremy McGrath and his crew lived a lifestyle most people only dream of. So why not capture it on film? Here is why Steel Roots is and always will be worth watching:
1) Dat Intro. Okay, right off the bat, my eyes are glued to the screen. There is literally no better song for this video to start with than Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth. It previews some clips of the video to come, including MC’s step-up to wheelie at Coop’s which in 1997 was the most mind-blowing thing that had ever happened. Just a little taste of sweet champagne that is the coming 25 minutes of riding footage. Needless to say, I’m hooked.
2) Seth Fucking Enslow. The guy turns his wrist into the letter ‘S’ and isn’t even wincing (probably a result from being under the influence of one or several narcotics, but whatevs). He hits some jumps, and most importantly, he’s Seth Enslow. I rest my case.
3) “Around the House” segment:
On the way Trying to get where I’d like to say I’m always feeling steered away By someone trying to tell me What to say and do
The Meaning of Life by the Offspring. How fitting. Going against what’s considered acceptable by society’s standards, and getting drunk with your BROs while throwing water balloons at sluts in Canyon Lake, and then (probably) nailing those same girls that night. That, my friends, is the life. Notice that these are top level pro’s, by the way. McGrath, Carmichael, Ryno, Antunez, Button and more all rocking the shit out the Inland Empire. Have you seen any videos of Villo, Stewie or the Dunge raging or hanging it out on any natural terrain lately? No, no you have not. Proof that motocross was cooler back then. Guaranteed, the next day they woke up and tossed some mean whips at Beaumont without the slightest hesitation, too.
What is this, change? I usually hate change, because it means something different is happening, and I, like all good BROs, hate things that are different, like KTMs, not-America, gingers, and nerds.
But here we have a rhythm section. And it’s straight. Like, no turns whatsoever. A straight rhythm. Whoa, I just blew my own mind. Anyway, Red Bull Excitebike Straight Rhythm is blowing up the internet right now. Red Bull is always trying to mix things up, whether they be retarded (Parkour shit, Crashed Ice, this thing) or awesome (Rampage, Kluge, X-Fighters minus the wind, anything with Travis Rice).
But this is what motocross needs. Why? Because no one needs to train for a 60-second moto. Listen, I love Ricky Carmichael, and I respect everything he did as a motocross racer. But he ruined it for everyone when he started training his ass off and destroying the whole field. I’m pretty sure that some racers were mid-keg stand and just like “Wait, what? We’re doing that now?” And just like that, the party was over. And I know that some of you Mormon-types are thinking, “No way dude. Motocross is supposed to be intense and gnarly and other stupid adjectives.” Listen chief, we’ll still have the Nationals and regular SX for that crap. This is for guys who like to have fun and can do ridiculous things on motorcycles. And let’s not forget that, on average, riders made a lot more money when people didn’t train as much and drank beers and grabbed the trophy girl’s ass and popped ecstasy before the main event in Vegas and had to pull off halfway through because they were rolling so hard. Now, with Straight Rhythm, it doesn’t matter. Blood dope all you want, Lance Armstrong; it’s not going to do dick. That’s why I like this. I could give a fuck about all the “new” fans that might come in; they all wear fanny packs, anyway.
The last five minutes could legitimately be sold at Starbucks. I’ve got so much “get up and go” in me right now, it is not even funny. I could without a doubt lift a car off a trapped child at this moment.
I hate doing hill climbs out in the trails and always will. They are the worst. Everyone thinks it’s such a blast to run up a steep pitch and then just whiskey throttle your bike until the fenders don’t exist anymore, but fuck that noise. I legitimately hate it, like I will do anything I can to get around the hill. I am that guy whose ability on a motorcycle gets progressively worse the steeper the hill becomes. Every hillclimb on the planet could get AIDS tomorrow and I would feel nothing.
A million NFG points to the guy on the Yamaha at the 1:25 mark. When push comes to shove, and you must either let off the throttle or hit some redneck’s ankle wide open, true men know what to do. His ankle will heal [probably]; there’s a race to win.
I have been getting this video sent to me so much for the past 48 hours that it’s a miracle there aren’t tits in it. Basically kid either completely OJs this step down at Cahuilla or he was actually trying to jump into the rollers which would be the behavior of a person who needs a helmet in everyday life anyway. Regardless, fucking great save. Dude’s arms blew off the bike so fast I thought they were going to fall off his body, but his kegel exercises have him death gripping that seat like a champion, and he rides it out. Truly remarkable.
But, the question is, does it unseat the reigning champion, from Red Bud 2012:
I’m putting this one on the people, make the call:
Watch this video, then do one of two things:
1. If you are a woman, clean up the juices that you just got all over your seat.
2. If you are a man, try to find your dick after it retracts into your body because you just got cuckolded so hard by the Mac.