This guy either had money on this race, or his chick told him that if he won then he could have a three-way with her and her friend with the big titties, just like Ja Rule’s bitch in The Fast and The Furious. Now he’ll return to the pits, and his woman will be all “What’s yo problem, ni99a? You didn’t win,” then all his boys will hoot and holler at his lack of manly ability. Regardless, we can all relate to this dude right here, where for a few seconds, you just sit there and think “Why in the name of fuck did I not just start doing heroin like a normal person with an addictive personality?” I feel your pain, BRO. Now excuse me while I laugh at your misfortune.
Thanks to Casey for the photo, who I believe is actually the guy in the photo. Remember, you’re only a loser if you don’t try. Or if you don’t win. Walk it off, champ.
Opening up the weekend with this photo. That thing may weigh a thousand pounds and come with a fully stocked mini bar, but that does not mean you cannot whip it. Let that be your inspiration for the weekend.
This photo was submitted by one of the BROs with the subject “This is why you don’t hire locals to pit for you during the Baja 1000″, but I really could not disagree more. Say what you want about Mexicans, but they go for it. I mean, give these guys like a day to get acclimated and I guarantee they are running the pit like it’s a Taco Bell. Day 1, sure, there are going to be some hiccups. No one can be perfect right out of the gate (especially black shirt on the left who is presumably attempting to smother the flames in gasoline). It’s all about harnessing that Mexican potential. It’s also worth learning a little bit of the Mexican dialect, because I’m pretty sure the words for “Fuel the bike” and “Douse me in lighter fluid” are dangerously similar. Remember BROs, you’re responsible for your own pit crew. I think Mexicans are loaded with potential, they just happen to live in a place where the drug and human trafficking and nap-time industries are the real fast tracks to success. Sorry I’m not sorry. I love to racism.
From LA Craigslist – Hey there junior badass, ever feel like there’s a caged animal trapped inside of you?
Only one cure for that: getting a fucking sick motorcycle. A 1971 Honda CB350. This golden lady will get you to work like a full-blown go hard, transport you and your shotgun through the zombie apocalypse, and give you a new platform for barreling down the boulevard with the wind tearing at your clothes screaming, “I AM ALIVE!” on the way to fucking bikram yoga.
Runs like corn through a goose. Engine rebuilt a year ago with ~400 miles on it since then.
I put new tires on the old girl, because you don’t deprive a classy lady of classy shoes. I gave her a new chain because she needed some fucking jewelry.
Electric start, kickstart, fucking push start, you name it.
Why am I selling it? Cos being alive rules, and I’m far too gnarly of a dude to have a motorcycle. I see a ramp, I’m gonna hit that motherfucker going 300 mph, backflip over the 405.
$2300 gets you the Golden Lady, two helmets, some fucking saddlebags, a shop manual, a quart of oil (plus all the oil that’s up in her right now), a full tank of PREMIUM MOTHERFUCKING GASOLINE (91 octaaaaaannneeee), some links to my favorite YouTube videos, a short story about robots, a cup of coffee with me, and whatever kind of donut you want.
I hate posting Craigslist ads, I really do. But in the same way that Jesus hated having thorns on his head and having his hands Tool Timed to a giant piece of wood, there are some things that you just have to do for the people. This guy has figured out the formula. And it even comes with a full $5 worth of 91. You can’t put a price on that. This dude definitely walks around all day with this song bumping in his head, not unlike myself.
Ah, to be young and able to get away with blatant sexual harassment. Even still though, this kid has some fucking balls. Just absolutely going for it right down to the I Love Boobies shirt, no fucks given. Index finger is even trying to squeak in a nip flick. You can’t teach that, kid was born a champion. Dianna is clearly having fun with it so I say let it ride, BRO.
Lets hear you talk some quad shit about these whips eazy!! if you dont think this kid has some skill your lying, but hey lets hear you bash em so we can get some more ATV racing exposure on your site!!
You got it, chief. If making fun of quads is the exposure that they want, I’m game. I guess BROtocross has a pretty solid quad following which absolutely blows my mind. I mean, I think a lot of people understand that my tone is mainly sarcastic, but there are obviously grains of sincerity here and there that it is your duty to decode. Let me make this one eazy for you: I fucking hate quads. No sarcasm at all. I hate them; every time I see a quad at the track I get upset. Like my stomach actually starts turning and I get tunnel vision, like I am going into a war flashback. There is no joy in Quadville, it is a desolate wasteland that even residents of Detroit would scoff at.
There really is nothing I need to say about this video, it speaks for itself. This is what quad riders consider to be a good whip. There you have it – Best Whip 2012. This is next level shit for them, which perfectly communicates the pathetic existence that they know. Now let’s take a look at what moto has to offer:
If there was ever a rider that deserved the Rock Hard Ride Hard award, let me tell you. I mean, talk about overcoming adversity. Every true BRO knows that racing with a bullet dome is harshly prohibited by the BRO code. Easily one of the worst offenses one can commit without actually committing a crime against humanity. Most of us would break a visor in moto one and just cop a Bud Light and scope out moto two from the sidelines; chalk it up to bad luck. Not this guy, he is getting out on that fucking track. Like, how pissed is Rockstar going to be if he is not out there repping the brand. Just grab the haggard Chicago Blackhawks hat and do a few laps with the electrical tape and get the fuck out there. Like a boss.
In all seriousness, this is WAY more acceptable than running no visor. I cannot stress how not sarcastic I am being right now. Thanks to Devon for the pic.
Pretty interesting that these pics came in e-mails one after the other. Now, I know what you are thinking: Tattoo is way more BRO than truck stickers. You have got to be hard as fuck to tattoo random PacSun logos on your forearm. Normally, yes. But you have to factor in what a truck is in BRO culture; your truck is your fucking steed, essentially a lifted and murdered-out extension of you, but louder and more noticeable. BRO’s value their trucks as much as their own body. So, considering that, who is the bigger asshole?
I mean, tattoo guy is clearly a star contributor of “BRO Life for Assholes”. Not only does he decide to get tatted with fucking DC and Fox logos, but he just gets them peppered on his forearm with no real design or organization to it. He just rolls into the tattoo parlor after a few PBRs and exclaims “Listen up, I want a Fox logo here, and a DC logo here. But I don’t want to spend any money and I am not going to tip you.” BRO, don’t say that to the dude with the permanent ink and the needle.
But of course, we have to talk about truck BRO. Look at the decals on that shit, that is not cheap. Dude definitely spent more money on that dumbass Mulisha logo than tattoo BRO spent on the Fox logo, the DC logo, and the Kawi logo that looks like a beach shovel. Then he has the Monster logo up front so he can be easily identified as a dude who runs old women over at crosswalks. Oh, and yellow utility quad with the beach cruiser in the back. What the fuck?