Let us take a second again to recognize the dynamic existence of the track snack. Over three years ago, BRO submitted to the world the Salute to Moto Hoes. We love them, really we do. They are an essential aspect of the track ecosystem, because studies have shown that 92% of any action pursued by the man is done purely with the intention of getting laid as a direct result. Don’t believe me? Google it. Ok, I made that up, but all the men in the audience believed it anyway, because it is totally true. Society would completely crumble, and that is not an exaggeration at all, if men were not constantly doing shit to get pussy. But still, why do moto hoes exist? What is happening in their heads that makes them attracted to a bunch of idiots who can ride a motorcycle and flick it around all willy-nilly? I decided to dig deeper.
And the results were astonishing (not really, I’m just trying to sound cool). You see, these girls grow up in a very distinct environment – the racetrack. To simply put it as male-dominated is only to graze the surface of the matter. Things still really wouldn’t make sense, since most areas in life are male-dominated, like athletics, business, politics, the military, jungle warfare, the world championship of midget-throwing, and space, as far as I know. Why then do these girls act the way they do in such high numbers? It is because the world of motocross is not only male-dominated, it is a realm with a very real and defined hierarchy of men. Unlike team sports, where sometimes a star will separate himself from the herd, but for the most part athletes are only as good as their team, every racer at the track has a unique spot on the totem pole, or the food chain, if you will. It could be argued that there are certain tiers that dudes share (A riders, B riders, C riders, complete joes), but deep within the heart of the situation, every guy has his own spot. Either you’ve beaten him more times or he’s beaten you more times. It is a labyrinth of individual head-to-head competitions, on a psychological level.
The women of the racetrack (again, this is a generalization, even though it’s absolutely true) see this hierarchy, and behave accordingly. In just the way that women are attracted to money and fame, they are attracted to fast riders. Why? Because they have separated themselves from the herd, and proven to be the best at something. It means, to these ladies, that these guys are the finest specimens in their world, so they ought to be the finest specimens all around, and these girls want fine specimens all over their face. Because, at the end of the day, that’s how nature works. No one is here to say that women can’t be strong, independent beings (he said with no sarcasm at all). Seriously though, I personally know several girls who won’t even touch any sandwich making necessities out of principle. But, let’s be honest, rams don’t butt heads and deer don’t have huge antlers for shits and giggles. Motocross is a legitimate food chain, and these girls aren’t just hungry, they’re thirsty. It’s science, BROs. Trust me, I’m a blogger.
Now I’m going to close this off speaking only to the females: I know you are reading this thinking “OMG, that is so not true. I am LOLing at your ignorance.” Fine, you needn’t believe me. True, some girls are at the races to race. But an overwhelming amount of them are there for the extracurricular activities. No one is bashing you, girls. Hating on track snacks is a direct result of giving a fuck, which BRO will never endorse.