There’s all sorts of perks that come along with becoming a professional motocross rider, but I think we can all agree that the extended network of females acquired being in that spotlight might just take the cake. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’ve seen them – the goofiest, most awkward dude you know, up to his eyeballs in straight 10′s to choose from, all because he rips on a dirt bike. We’ve touched on the subject of moto hoes and their logic on this site a few times, but what I am trying to focus on here, is more so the concept of racers that truly only get laid because they are now pro, and considered somewhat of a celebrity in our small world.
Now, I’m not saying that every Supercross rider only gets laid because he does the triples. Not at all. You take a guy like Kevin Windham, and he’s still stealing your girl without ever even looking at a motorcycle. You show up to the bar, K-Dub’s there, you lose that battle. You lose that battle eleven times out of ten. Because he’s just a smooth, classy and down to earth guy. The same cannot be said for the MANY of the rest of the field. I look at a lot of these guys, and when I hear the list of some of the girls that they have taken down, I am truly baffled. With public education being non-existent for a lot of them, you can’t convince me that these jockeys can pull outside of moto. There’s no way. But that’s why we are here to help. So BROs, here’s how to get laid if you woke up one day, and were not a professional Supercross rider…
Daily Routine: “BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!” Holy hell, it’s 6 AM, and time to wake up for work. And you are not a pro anymore. Time to go work a regular job, and talk to people (andddd you’re dead), and make shit money (although you might be used to that, unless you’re Roczen or something. What up, Ken? One love). Now it’s time to learn how to pull ladies.
One commonality that I have seen with almost all professional racers is that they have confidence, and understandably so – they have risen to the top of their food chain; bested competitors big and small. Women respond to that. It’s going to be tougher to be confident as a regular schmuck, but it is not an impossible endeavor. What else were you good at before moto took over your life? Magic? Let’s just keep that one in the back pocket, that’s more built for a Hail Mary play. What made you somewhat charismatic at the racetrack was legitimately believing that you were the shit. The results were right there, pinned up on that giant wooden wall, and you had a 1-1. Winner, that’s you. Find where else in life you are getting a 1-1, which might very well be no where, in which case, start selling drugs. Coke chicks will do ANYTHING once the booger sugar comes to the party.
What to wear:
The great equalizer in the crusade to pick up women is money. If you’ve got it, you could be the ugliest pre-op Bruce Jenner in the game, and women will still lean in your direction. Have you seen that video of the guy claiming that having a Ferrari doesn’t help him pick up girls? Bullshit. If everything about that guy didn’t scream “date rape”, he would be up to his trust fund baby eyeballs in pussy. So if you don’t have money, but have a decent sense of style and loose concerns for your credit score, go rack up that debt and grab some nice threads. I personally can’t stand spending money on clothes, but I have seen it work a lot. Women think they dig that style, but really, they are just curious to find out how much money is in that bank account. They see the expensive clothes, which gives them probable cause to find out more, and for a one-nighter, you don’t give a fuck, so have at it.
Going to bars:
Since you no longer have 64,000+ followers backing your social media presence, it’s going to be a lot more difficult to trick girls into thinking you’re a big deal. Meaning, no one knows or cares who the fuck you are. Before, you’d have a thirsty moto ho sliding in your DM’s for a chance to get a slice of that ‘Rookie in the Spotlight-Pie’. Now as an Average Joe, you’ll actually have to go out and meet girls in public places, and most of the time, you’ll be required to make the first move. It sucks, but that’s the way the world works – feigning confidence like a motherfucker. This is where truly not giving a fuck is the most valuable mindset ever – going around and talking to every girl you see will lead to rejection probably 75-85% of the time, but that is NOT 100%, meaning that somewhere in that sea of socially-lubricated debutantes is a girl who will talk to you. With that said, let me introduce you to an essential tool in your future endeavors, called alcohol. You should be familiar with this elixir of the gods already – pro riders party, I know it. Once the rest of the world accepts it, our sport will be in a better place. But for those of you living the sheltered lifestyle of racing and traveling with your family every fucking weekend since you were 12, you should know that with the just the right amount of consumption, you could be well on your way to Poundtown. That is the essential key here. Figuring out what amount of booze to slam into you to achieve the calm and collected smooth-cat persona that the ladies find themselves oh-so attracted to, without going too over the top. Too many shots of Patron with the boys, and you’ll find yourself barking “What’s up, MAH” to anything with tits and two legs.
But for all you pro dudes reading this, here’s the awesome thing (for you, not for me. Fuck you guys): You are a pro. Good on ya, mate. While it might be difficult to explain exactly why women want you purely for that reason, it doesn’t draw away from the fact that women actually DO want you for that reason. So enjoy the fruits of your labor, BROs. And don’t do drugs, unless they help you get laid. In which case, do drugs.