This Poor Dude At Hangtown Had No Idea That He Was Picking A Fight With A UFC Fighter Until It Was Too Late

Stop the fight!! This is straight-up assault with a deadly weapon. This guy’s roundhouse used to steal lunch money from Chuck Norris’ roundhouse. Never in my life have I been more sincerely afraid of another human being. This guy is the crazy that crazy is scared of. Like, how does the other dude even walk around the pits after that? Keep your head on a swivel, BRO, because another earth-crunching roundhouse could be right around the corner.

Thanks to BROfficial reader Tyler for the vid link.

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The Reign of Tyranny Continues: James Stewart Will NOT Race the Nationals

James Stewart Instagram
The news is in, and it sucks. Honestly, I had heard from some good sources that Stewart’s appeal would go through and he would be racing the Nationals this year, so this is a heavy blow. I hate it; I hate the fact that we are governed by regulating bodies that have no real interest in our sport in America. FIM has their hand in Supercross, but not in the outdoors. I was angry when I heard this because I did not know why James couldn’t race the Nationals. But apparently, the Nationals subscribe to regulations from USADA, which is basically a puppet for WADA. From what I understand, willingly allowing a suspended rider to ride the Nationals could result in legal action, and no one wants that. It appears that we are up shit’s creek on this.

I cannot help but notice the uncanny differences between what is happening here and the exact reasons our forefathers rose up against the tyrannical reign of the British in the late 1700s. They would not stand for taxation without representation, and I feel like that is exactly what we are doing. We are being taxed of seeing the sport’s most talented rider on the track, with the infraction being a slip-up in paperwork. This is absurd, and I positively guarantee that absolutely no American input was taken into consideration in making their decision. WADA has been a disaster – from this absurd punishment, to the wait time on their decisions, which is enough to turn a man as grey as an Gandalf’s pubes. Let’s not also forget that WADA has been ineffective in stamping out drug use in the sport. We have riders ALLEGEDLY being caught by their teams with illicit substances. Let’s think about that: I don’t think that pro riders are dumb enough to risk being banned that easily, which means that they are confident that they will not get caught. WADA “setting an example” with James has been useless.

Unfortunately, I think the FIM and WADA knew in making this decision that Americans have an attention span the length of an Instagram video, so they know that no matter how pissed we are, it will all wash over pretty soon. So I encourage you not to forget how fucked we all got on this. I think the coolest thing that could happen (but I’m about 98% sure will NOT happen) is that James goes on the MXdN team this year and wipes the floor. I hope against hope that James does come back for the Nationals that he will be allowed to ride, and then we send him to France and he middle fingers the ever-loving shit out of everyone. It will not happen, but I will have a BROner the size of the Sear’s Tower if it does.

Now, I am not saying let’s all go grab our muskets and head to the FIM offices, although blasting through the door leading with the business end of a bayonet would probably be awesome, purely to see the look on their faces as the shit is literally scared out of them. I do think the FIM and WADA officials should see first hand how pissed off we all are, though. If you see them, do not hurt them, but maybe throw water on them or something, like you do with your dog when it does something bad. It’s not that it’s a bad dog – it’s just kind of dumb and didn’t really think at all about what it was doing. At all. I think if we all started going to the races with spray bottles filled with water, and just sprayed the FIM guys when we see them, that would send the right message. No, that’s bad!

Girls, you can help, too. I feel like all the FIM and WADA officials are creepy, old guys, almost like from a 1920s time warp. I am picturing Boardwalk Empire, but without the awesome gangster factor. Anyway, what I am getting at is they will try to fuck you, because all men on the planet who rise to a position of power are about 75% motivated by the idea that more girls will have sex with them. So if you find yourself in that position, getting hit on by the creepy FIM and WADA dudes, play along. Go back to their hotel room. I think there might be chains; scratch that, there will definitely be chains. They will want you to chain them up, like some freaky Euro shit. Do it. Once they are secure, say to them, “This is for James”, and just steal everything in their hotel room and walk out. You will have done your country a service. Viva la Revolution. Viva la JS7.

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250F vs. 250 Two-Stroke, and Why Pro Racing Needs To Embrace Both

A photo posted by @brotocross on

Maybe you heard, maybe you didn’t because you don’t follow me on Instagram (dick), but BRO recently made the switch from 450s to 250s. “Oh Eazy, what 250, two stroke or four?” The answer, blissfully ignorant reader, is both. That’s right, I make the kind of fuck-you money that allows me to buy both a 2015 YZ250F and a 2015 YZ250. Now I’m here to talk about them, because unlike many writers in this business, I still actually ride.

I hate two-stroke nazis. Those “two-stroke or die” people always piss me off. If it has two wheels and a motor, odds are I’m going to enjoy it no matter what. Of course, that by no means should be read as “BRO hates two-strokes”. Every single time I ride the two-stroke, I say to myself, “I’m never riding the four-stroke again.” Then I ride the four-stroke, and every single time I think, “I love this fucking four-stroke.” The fact of the matter is that both bikes kick ass. The 250F is easy to ride, and once I had the thing dialed in, suspension-wise, I could ride the wheels off that motherfucker. What I love about the 250F is being able to go balls-to-the-wall and not have the consequences associated with a 450. They always say “Don’t override the bike,” but on a 250F, that’s kind of what you’re supposed to do. Kind of.

The two-stroke is a different story. You do have to respect that machine, and the power delivery is so different from a four-stroke that there is much, much more technique involved in riding it. I initially would ride the thing like my 250F, and I sucked. Riding a two-stroke is a sweet symphony between rider and machine – there has to be a serious amount of mutual admiration in the relationship. My 250F is my bitch, I fucking rule that thing, chains and whips and safe-words, the whole nine. It’s so easy to ride. My two-stroke I have to really appreciate – take it out to dinner and make sure it knows that I love it and all that shit. Sometimes, I go and talk to it into the wee hours of the night, but that’s less from a riding standpoint and more because I’m an introverted weirdo. The two-stroke is my lady; the four-stroke is my side piece.

Of course, if both bikes are heaps of fun and deliciousness, the end-all question has to be this: which one am I faster on? I honestly don’t know. I have never brought both bikes to the track on the same day and compared lap times, mainly because I have not really cared to. I feel like I’m going faster on the 250F, because I’m pinned way more on that thing. But the two-stroke is clearly the faster bike, as far as top speed is concerned. For now, I’m content just having fun on both.

I definitely argued against 250 two-strokes being allowed to race 250Fs when the AMA made that rule change in the amateur ranks years ago. I thought the two-stroke was clearly faster and it was stupid to put two bikes in the same class when one clearly outperformed the other. Now, I’ve changed my tune. I still think a two-stroke 250 is faster than a 250F, and if we were drag racing and I’m on my 250F and Vin Diesel pulls up on a 250 two-stroke, I will have no choice but to formally protest. But on a motocross track, top speed is only a small piece of the puzzle. Like I said, the 250F is MUCH easier to ride, and because of that, riding one in a long moto could actually pose an advantage over a two-stroke.

The time has come to allow 250 two-strokes to race the 250 class in professional racing. The argument that the factories would not be happy might be valid, but it’s also stupid. Let’s break it down: Yamaha and KTM (and Husqvarna, I guess) make two-strokes, so they’d be thrilled. Honda and Kawasaki have the two premier 250 teams of the last five years, and even a factory 250 two-stroke would not definitively outperform the PC and GEICO bikes. Suzuki doesn’t even have a 250F team, so they can go fuck themselves (although I’m hearing a Suzuki team might be back for 2016. Whatever, somebody needs to go fuck themselves). What I am saying is that no team has the right to be upset about two-strokes being allowed to race in the 250 class. These idiotic politics are genuinely eroding the possibilities of good racing.

The thing is, even allowing two-strokes to race the 250 class would not stop the four-stroke domination. I guarantee that most riders would still choose to ride four-strokes. Canada and Australia have both made the change, and since then, the top five in points every year in both series has been mostly four-stroke (Kaven Benoit even raced both to win the Canadian title, which is pretty awesome). There is no valid reason to continue to keep the 250 class at pro races four-stroke only. Ok, this rant is over. I’m going to go ride dirtbikes. Maybe four-stroke, maybe two-stroke; either way, having more fun than you. Eazy out.

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BRO’s Take on the State of Moto in California

I think everyone familiar with this blog knows that I come from New England, where the people are better than everyone else and are not afraid to make you aware of that fact. But for the past two years, I have lived in southern California, the motocross mecca. My pilgrimage was inspired by a number of reasons, paramount of which was the desire to ride all year long and to look at depressingly-gorgeous women (so hot that when I see them, I get depressed that I’m not doing things with them of a sexual nature). As I type this now, I am back in New England, staring at snow and gray skies, reflecting on my time thus far in California, reflections that I will share now.

Motocross in California is massive; everyone knows that. From the Temecula area, there are at least five tracks within an hour’s drive, and it’s pretty much impossible to sit at a stop light for more than ten seconds without seeing a professional racer in his truck/rape van. But most of Temecula is a barren wasteland that a bunch of real estate big-wigs decided to cover in housing developments and shopping centers, so even though the moto is rampant out there, so is the population of shitty people. I lasted about 11 months there before I sought salvation in the beach cities, which are way better. The BRO culture of California’s Inland Empire (basically all of Riverside County) is truly horrifying and unbelievable. Thousands upon thousands of useless flat-brim, tattoo-laden assholes whose douchieness is only outclassed by their own insecurity, they are a bunch of idiots that are going nowhere fast. I’m not saying that everyone who wears a flat-brim and/or has tattoos is a douche, but everyone who has been out there knows that I am talking about a specific identity that exists in terribly high numbers. There are literally moto-douche clothing brands that are sustained solely off sales of black t-shirts and socks they make in that area; that’s how engrained this culture is.

Luckily, the BROs actually don’t go to the tracks too often, because they cannot ride for shit. They go to Glamis, or Ocotillo, and ride around for an hour not hitting any jumps, then start drinking and making fun of gay people. The tracks are usually a different story.

California motocross tracks are unique to pretty much anywhere I’ve ever been. SoCal gets almost no rain all year, and the tracks consequently suffer. All the hose water in the world cannot replace steady coats of rain, and the tracks are all a bony nightmare straight out of Breaking Bad by about 1pm. The tracks themselves have some decent layouts – I always enjoyed Pala, Cahuilla, and The Ranch for the most part – but the amount of dust and heat usually makes them bad places to be. You don’t hang out long after you are done riding at tracks there; you get the fuck out.

The riders on the track on an average practice day in California are something you will not find anywhere in the world. On a normal day, some of the fastest riders from every corner of the planet could all be riding. Top AMA guys alongside GP riders, Japanese riders, Australian riders, and everything in between. Cali residents are definitely spoiled in that regard – I would have shit my pants so hard they’d be in another area code if I saw a guy like Jeremy McGrath show up at the practice track when I was a kid.

Being at the track is a humbling experience in California. I ride the A class, and in New England am usually one of the fastest guys at the track on a practice day. In Cali, it is normal for several 15-year olds whose balls haven’t dropped yet to rip around me. That’s just the case of amateur motocross right now – the top ten B riders in the US could probably qualify top 20 for an outdoor national. It’s ok, though; I just tell myself that I have probably banged more women than those 15-year old clowns have, and move on, slowly raising my fist in victory.

But for every big name at the track, there are ten delusional sad-sacks that are convinced that they should be a pro motocross rider, though even a casual observer could tell them that they should not. People from all over the country make the trek to California to achieve their dream of being a pro, and all seem to have the blinders up as to where they actually stand in terms of speed and ability. Usually, they have some rich parents who would rather throw money at them than be in their presence, and they skate through life in attempt at becoming a pro – training programs, motos at the track, nutrition, they do it all. But even with everything, most of them will achieve nothing. The only problem I really have with it is that they grow to resent motocross, feeling that since they have devoted so much to the sport that it owes them something. Motocross owes you nothing, and if you dedicate yourself to it to the point where it becomes a chore, you should immediately quit. That is the heartbreaker of motocross in California – there are so many riders who clearly don’t enjoy it, yet come to the track three or four days a week. I want to grab them all by the throat and scream at them that they should be having fun, that there are riders all over the world who would kill to be riding in January. If you don’t pull out of your driveway on the way to the track with the eager anticipation of a kid walking down the steps on Christmas morning, then just quit; you are a toxic parasite on this sport, and you and everyone else will be better off if you leave.

Having said all of that, the freeriding in California is a completely different story. After a rain, riding out in Beaumont or Ocotillo Wells is the funnest experience one can have on a dirtbike. Infinite riding acres sprinkled with huge jumps, and no sign of a 30+2 anywhere in sight. It is where every day riding a dirtbike is like the first time you did it, and realized how much you loved it. Trust me when I say that if you bring a bike out to Cali, and it rains, do not miss out on a trip to the hills. But watch out for cops, and be respectful of the land you are riding. Being respectful to mother nature is badass as fuck.

I think I probably have a lot more to say, but this blog has surpassed the 1,000 word mark, and I know that most of you have an attention span not long enough to read the words “attention span”. If you actually read this far in the blog, tweet me this phrase: “Frig off, BRO”. Bet money that I’ve lost most of you by now. Eazy out.

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Paying The Ultimate Price – A Somber BRO Blog

Times like these really suck. I don’t blog much anymore, and I usually try to keep this blog on the lighthearted side, but this is one of those times where I’m venting, and if you want to read it, cool. If not, cool, too. I, like a lot of people in the sport, am anxiously waiting any real report on Tyler Hoeft’s condition, although from the chatter that has been going around, even the good news is pretty terrible. I never met Tyler, but saw him at tracks in California here and there. Good rider, and the family seem like good people, the type that make the track a good place.

I just saw a photo of Tyler racing from Thursday (above), presumably in the moto where he crashed. Stuff like that is tough for me to look at. It’s so hard not to think, “Man, if he just didn’t line up for that moto…” It’s enough to make you not want to ride a dirtbike. But then, where does that mentality stop? At what point do you start thinking like that and look up and realize you haven’t left your house in four weeks because it’s the safest way to live? Motocross is dangerous, no matter what. I know that there is no way to ease the heartbreak and hardship the Hoeft family is experiencing right now, and I am not even going to try to. All I will say is, no matter what happens, I am sure that Tyler Hoeft was happy riding his dirtbike, much happier than kids who grew up with their parents putting floaties and helmets on them when they got into an inflatable pool. Every day in life should be a roll of the dice, to some degree, if you are truly living.

I’ve spoken to a lot of people in the last day who use the “It just isn’t worth it” argument, and get kind of frustrated because that makes no sense to me. What isn’t worth it? I am not saying that a kid’s life is worth risking for motocross; all I am saying is that there is so much out of our control, to argue that racing a dirtbike isn’t worth it is to say that life would be better spent sitting on the couch, waiting comfortably for death. Tyler Hoeft doing something that he loved, that he was passionate about, and was damn good at was definitely worth a hell of a lot to him. Tyler’s crash was on a standard jump, and was a horrible freak occurrence. To argue whether this is worth it or not is to say there is a credible chance that he could have seen some scenario where this was coming, which is idiotic. It would be foolish to think that anyone who has ever swung a leg over a bike could have seen that coming. Don’t say “motocross isn’t worth it”.

I see more and more people coming out of the woodwork saying that amateur motocross is too dangerous now, that the tracks are too gnarly and the bikes are too fast. I will say that I don’t think there is any reason that a kid should ride a 450. Honestly, if you weigh under 200 pounds and are not a professional, you do not need a 450, straight up. I’m not talking about Tyler Hoeft right now, because I think he was riding a 250. This is just an observation on the state of amateur motocross. More and more kids are coming up in the ranks with unbelievable speed, but regularly taking unbelievable crashes, too. Amateur motocross now has a “just twist it” mentality that I don’t think it ever had – parents and training facilities are more often encouraging speed over technique, which is not the way to do it. Proper technique will always translate into speed in the long run, but such is not always true vice-versa. And while I hate two-stroke nazis, I will say that it takes a lot more technique to ride a two-stroke 250 than a four-stroke 250. But proper technique allows riders to stay out of trouble more often on the track, and ultimately leads to fewer crashes. Some people might argue against my opinion there, and they are stupid. There will always be forces out of our control working on the track; minimizing their effect is the only thing we can do.

Again, that last paragraph was in no way directed toward Tyler Hoeft or family. From what I could tell, Tyler is a great rider with great technique, like his brother. My relentless condolences and support to them in this, the hardest time of their lives. Nothing would make me happier than to see him pull through this. Eazy out.

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BRO’s Take On RV’s First MXGP

A photo posted by @brotocross on

I meant to sound off on this last week, but a combination of business, laziness, and non-fuckery kept me away from the keyboard, so unfortunately this is all going to sound very reactive, and like I am trying to say I knew what was going to happen when I didn’t, which is totally not true. I knew that shit was going to happen.

Obviously, everyone is saying the same thing: “Oh Villopoto is just getting used to all this bull ish and he will definitely improve.” I think it’s true. People always ignore the differences between AMA Nationals and MXGPs, which are pretty huge. The tracks, the schedule, the jet lag, the unruly fans who may or may not murder you, the freakiness of the Monster girls – it’s all a series of factors, some massive, some tiny, that mean no rider can seamlessly switch from one series to the other. No Euro has ever come to the US and won right away, and it sure as shit was not going to happen the other way around.

If this was 10 years ago, I would be spouting off about how this was a total fluke and that Villopoto will murder everyone this year, for two reasons: I was an arrogant 16-year old prick 10 years ago, and because I still genuinely believe that America destroyed all 10 years ago. The GPs now are a different game – I still would not say they are gnarlier than AMA Nationals, but I would say the two are about equal. Equal but different, like Plessy vs. Ferguson minus the overt racism.

I knew Villo was not going to win in Qatar. First of all, that track sucks. Second of all, everything I said above this paragraph. There’s always a learning curve, even for him. And those dudes he is racing are no joke. He would shit on all of them in the Nationals, but this is their turf. A 9-8 for 7th is still worse than I thought he would do, but let’s not forget that in 2013 and 2014, RV sucked at A1 and won the championship. I’m not saying he is definitely going to win the World Championship (people seem to be ignoring the fact that Cairoli has never lost a title in the MXGP class), but he is definitely going to be in the hunt. The GP schedule is a cake walk compared to the American schedule – 18 races over seven months versus 29 races over eight months. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason RV went over there, plus the paper #CREAM.

The only unfortunate consequence coming out of this first round is that I think any American will be terrified to go over to the GPs now. I know there’s a ton of allegedly fucked up corruption in the FIM, but I think overall the schedule is way more forgiving and allows a rider to be an actual person; those GP dudes are way more fun to party with, let’s just all agree on that. But now, if even Villopoto can go over there and struggle, US dudes are going to think of it as career suicide. Osborne is the only guy in the last ten years to have gone over there and come back with a solid ride still, and it took him years to do that. Hopefully, more Americans can start doing it and actually see positive results. And party. Always party.

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BRO Perspective On The Reed/Canard Situation

A video posted by @brotocross on

I’m happy to put my analytical hat on. No more trying to be the clown, and making funnies for fat people at their computer. I’ll get back to that tomorrow. For now, let’s talk Reed, Canard, and black flags.

First, my honest opinion: I don’t think it was ridiculous that Reed got black-flagged. When it happened I was all, “Whoa, no way dude,” but really not surprised. It was a resolute take-out, and not a natural result of racing. I was not mad at Reed at all for doing it, because I completely understood the frustration that he had to be feeling right there. It was his best ride of the year, and Canard came out of nowhere and smashed him. If you’re thinking straight in that situation, then you don’t want to win enough. I’m not saying that Canard was riding like an idiot, he just didn’t realize that Reed was going inside and had committed to probably trying to either square Reed up or block pass him. That’s racing, but I understand wanting to kill the guy in the moment.

All the riders and normal un-fast/homeschool people are citing all sorts of other situations (Hansen on McElrath, Barcia on everyone) which is pretty ridiculous in my mind. The obvious difference between the other situations and this one is Reed’s move was 100% retaliatory – he had the pass back made all day long without any contact, but he did it. I think that is really the only part of the AMA’s case that is indisputable and justifies the black flag. Even if there is a shred of evidence that a rider was doing what he did to make a pass stick, then I think it’s a racing incident and no consequences should be decided by officials. But like I said, Reed clearly had that pass made without hitting Trey, so here we are. Every single other takeout that we’ve seen this year and in recent memory could in one way or another be construed as a desperate passing attempt, which is just a rub. And rubbing is racing, unless you’re in a train station or on a bus, in which case prepare yourself for an assault charge.

I think the best incident to cite is Alessi/Tickle last year, but even then you could argue that Mike was trying to make a pass. It was horrifically executed, but it’s not against the rules to be a dumbass, unfortunately. Reed was not being a dumbass; he knew damn well what he was doing.

And I must reiterate the fact that I am not against Reed in this situation. I like Reed more than Trey, as a person and a rider (don’t dislike Trey, just like Reed’s style better on and off the bike). I literally have done almost the exact same thing on the track (admittedly not on the same stage), so I and every other racer knows where he is coming from. I’m not saying the black flag was the only option, but I am saying that I agree with the AMA’s decision that the move was pure retaliation and deserved punishment. The next step for both riders is to suck it up and move on.

So to sum this up: I love Reed, and I love that he still has the passion that he does. But it is indisputable that he was trying to put Trey into the tough blocks, and nothing else.

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Watch The First Of Many Moto Videos From The JBR Crew In New England Being Better Than You At The Game Of Dirtbikes

BRO has been on hiatus for the last month, and for about the last year in posting good videos. But had to share this one from the boys of my homeland. Drew T. and the entire JBR crew pretty much run east coast moto, and now they are gracing the big time DVDs, because the world cannot get enough of New England since it kicks the shit out of the rest of the country. What makes them awesome, you ask? The general lack of bullshit. Just riding dirtbikes and having a good time with it. Oh, and being better than most people while doing it; guys who have made noise at the National level that love more than anything (more than winning) to enjoy their time on these things we call dirtbikes. Drew T. here top 10′d the Unadilla GNCC in whatever the fuck they call the 250 class there, so he knows a little something about a little something in the woods. Scope the video, but don’t let your girl see it, because you will be cuckolded faster than you can say “Impotence”.

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When Not Giving A Fuck Goes Right: Rookie White Jumping 100,000 Feet at LACR on Saturday

A video posted by Rookie White (@rookiew663) on


This video has people talking. Rightfully so, I dare say. Blew the needle right off the NFG meter with this one. Never seen anything like it, really. Biggest jump I’ve ever witnessed at a track was probably in the neighborhood of 160 or so feet. Rookie reported this was 250ft, I’m hearing it was taped off at 211ft. Doesn’t even matter really; it’s 200+ feet and it’s at a track, with like other jumps and stuff. Not a fat ramp and a massive landing, just a quad that had no business being hit. That jump after he lands even looks somewhat sizable and he’s practically locking up the brakes on the face to not OJ it. To add insult to the injury that all the Glamis BROs who think they hit jumps are feeling, this kid is a B rider. That’s California moto, though – B riders hitting 200+ft jumps and usually running lap times that would qualify top 20 at a pro national.

This kid also has some nac-nac photos that are making me cry out of parts of my body that I’m not supposed to be crying out of.

A photo posted by Rookie White (@rookiew663) on

Update: This angle that FMF posted communicates the level of non-fuckery so much better. Wide open.

A video posted by FMF Racing Official (@fmf73) on

Moto Videos

8 Real World Problems Solved By A Motocross Rider

These are all basic versions of complaints that I have heard from real world friends or acquaintances in the past couple of months. Since it’s socially unacceptable to give people a harsh dose of reality, and instead being forced to coddle people’s delicate psyches with encouragement and positive thoughts (oxymoron), I’m turning to BRO. Enjoy.

“I’m Feeling So Hungover Today, I Can’t Do Anything”
Child’s play. Get your ass up, and get moving. A hangover is your brain telling you that you drank too much, but your brain is a fucking idiot. Your body is still ready to go, trust me. I pound out laps the morning after on a regular basis, and literally every single time I do, I feel like a million bucks afterwards. Physically, you are entirely capable of being active during a hangover. It’s entirely up to you to be a doer or a whiny little bitch on the couch watching re-runs of New Girl all day.

“I’m Worried That My Girl Isn’t Into It Anymore”
Um, then do something about it, dipshit. When I consistently feel shitty on the bike, I make a change, be it drastic or small. Sometimes, a twist of the clickers does the trick, and if not, maybe it’s time to get a new goddamn bike. But sitting there and dealing with it makes me not have fun on the track, which makes me hate life and bitch to my friends about how much I’m not into my bike.

“I’m Getting Divorced”
You’re obviously a dumbass. Thousand bucks says you got married too early, and are now realizing what a colossal thundercunt your woman is. Learn from your mistake and move on. I’ve never in my life bought a bike without trying one out first and making sure it was what I wanted. If I did, there’s a good chance I’d find an issue with it early on and be pissed that I just wasted almost ten grand on the fucking thing.

“I’m Really Tired”
See my answer to number one. Stop self-medicating and start actually maintaining an active lifestyle and tire yourself out so you don’t have to pop pills or take Nyquil to get to sleep because your mind is racing with thoughts of how shitty your life is. Try casing a step-up out at Beaumont and bouncing 60-feet down the landing, almost literally shaking hands with the Devil. Never been more awake in my life.

“I Can’t Afford To Pay My Bills This Month”
Sucks to suck, maybe you shouldn’t have wasted all your goddamn money on that giant rock that you gave your fiancée who is definitely cheating on you. (Note: This one is far more specific to the individual and really doesn’t relate to moto at all, but I’m sure some of you can run with it)

“No Matter How Hard I Try, I Can’t Get A Job”
Then make yourself better. When you race, no one is handing that shit to you; a win comes to the guy who did the best. If you don’t win, you practice until you are the best, and winning. And guess what, there’s always 39 guys working their ass off to be better than you. Go to college or something, dumbass.

“My Shoulder Hurts, But I Don’t Know If I Should Go To The Doctor”
I don’t understand, did you fall on it really bad, or dislocate it, maybe? If you didn’t, then I can save you a trip to the doc and assure you that you’re suffering from Little Bitch Syndrome. LBS is very common in people who don’t ride dirtbikes and do gnarly shit. I once broke my collarbone and finished the moto. Toughen up, cupcake.

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