The Internet was a great idea. One massive network linking people together in an incredible whirlwind of technology; a place where the greatest minds in the world can contribute information for anyone to have access to, where data can travel at light speed, and where the world can be truly connected. But, 2 billion views of “Gangnam Style” later, we are left with this – dog shit. I could go on forever, but this blog will focus on one aspect of the Internet that we all know and (used to) love: Instagram.
The IG, like the Internet, was cool at first – bad iPhone photos spruced up with a decent filter like a streetwalker after a low budget makeover. But quickly, it has morphed into a painful collection of horrendous videos, poorly-lit photos of pets or food or pets’ food, and, of course, selfies.
What can I do to make it better, you ask? Great question, inquisitive reader. First of all, be more selective with the likes and follows. Make people really earn it. If you don’t look at a moto photo and think, “Dope whip” or “awesome bar drag” or “dude, how did that guy not die”, don’t fucking like it; it is not deserving. The same goes for the follows – unoriginal content sucks, and should not get your approval. Moto pages that simply re-post other people’s stuff are a goddamn travesty (and yes, once or twice BRO has even re-posted something, but I usually try to at least put some sort of original spin on everything). But these kids think that Instagram followers are some sort of currency, and will do anything to get those numbers up, even though they mean absolutely nothing. Reward originality with a follow, even if it is only partial originality.
This final point is important, and it’s going to be tough for a lot of you to swallow (and really barely even focuses on MX). It’s something that I’m sure you are all guilty of, and even I myself cannot resist the urge sometimes. But gentlemen, we must all band together, and stop liking girls’ photos purely because we want to fuck them. I know, pretty much everything we do is with the ultimate goal of getting laid, but it needs to stop. Our never-ending quest for a trip to Fuck Town, combined with the all-too-common desperate battle for attention among females, has resulted in a cavalcade of mirror-selfies that at their core all say one thing: “Please reassure me that I’m good looking and that my life isn’t an endless series of worthless moments, each more worthless than the last.” But yet, we double-click them. It literally doesn’t even matter what is in the photo – ass, tits, or crimes against humanity – we will like it because we are thinking “Hey, maybe she’ll distinguish my “like” from the 2300 other ones and DM me asking if I’m down for a three-way with her model friend later.” She won’t, ever. Again, these girls validate themselves by number of followers, even though that number is worthless. They are essentially doing porn, except they aren’t, because porn stars actually make money. If we stop liking, the garbage will stop. Girls will be forced to be creative and thoughtful in their IGs (while also being hot because there’s no other reason to be in a photo if you’re a chick), and the world will be a better place.
Finally, stop using that app that tells you when people are unfollowing you. It is truly pathetic. Why do you care? Once again, it means nothing. People unfollow you? Good, they probably did it because your cat/lunch/face sucks and they are sick of looking at it. Take that and run with it; don’t sit there and be butt-hurt about it, be better. But again, why do you care about it so much? It is the worst form of giving a fuck since wars based on religion started.